Would You Recommend Someone On LinkedIn Who You Just Met?

In an effort to discover whether or not selfless displays of helping "pay it forward," existed in a group of professionals, I created an experiment. I brought together one group of professionals across different industries and asked if they would endorse and recommend each other on Linkedin as a means to help each other's career. My rationale was that the more you help someone else, the more you help yourself.

I split the room into two groups. I sent one group out into a conference room to complete the activity of endorsing and recommending each other on LinkedIn. I kept the other group behind with me so they would agree on ground rules to care for each other's well being, listen without judgement, respect and understand each other's values and goals in life.

What do you think happened?

Do you pay it forward when nobody is looking?

It turns out, the facilitated group were 100% more likely to endorse and recommend each other on LinkedIn than the un facilitated group. Why is this? The answer comes down to one very simple and innate human behavior that have brought successful leaders to where they are today, but will certainly not bring them to where they want to be: selfishness.

People in the first group learned how their partners saw themselves and what made them valuable to the group. Their discussions also let them find some common ground. However, they only gained these insights after taking the time to get together and engage in the thought-provoking exercises.

Here are three defining characteristics of the group who did not endorse each other:

1. Displaying closed body language.

Some of the participants in the second group of people had their backs turned away from each other or sometimes looked away from each other. This closed, protective body language served as a huge red flag that they didn’t want to interact, making them seem cold, uninterested and defensive. The others in the group read those cues and shut down.

2. Talking poorly about others or the team’s process without advice to make it better.

Numerous people in the second group seemed visibly disgusted with the process. Instead of thinking about what they could do to improve the situation, they lashed out at others and blamed everyone but themselves. Negative comments and aggression can create a toxic environment people have to leave.

3. Barking out rude or unnecessary orders.

Many people in the second group were instructing the facilitation team to take care of things for them related to the room and their experience with others. They treated the facilitation staff as if they were servants. Instead of telling others what to do, take ownership and leadership yourself, make the changes, and get what you want inside of the room. If the environment is not set up for effective relationships, take ownership of your own learning. You are the champion of your learning and nobody else.

Build a rapport with others by using guiding questions such as, “In what ways do you believe we can help each other?” or, “What are your values and passions?” so that they better understand your point of view and why you want something done. Finding common ground with these questions and then politely asking for what you want/need goes a very long way.

Here are the success behaviors of the group that did endorse each other.

1. Become genuinely interested in other people.

Members of the first group were given time to work out why they were trustworthy, honest and respectful team players. They then discussed their self-analysis with a partner from the group. Finally, each pair shared what they’d learned about their partners with the entire group by introducing them. When group members realized that their colleagues were committed to their success and interested in their career, they reciprocated that commitment and enthusiasm back.

2. Create equal airtime opportunities and encourage others to talk about themselves.

Each person in the first group was given time to share their discussions and commitment to their colleagues. When you allow people to voice their thoughts and suggestions in this way, you showcase your respect for them, which only improves their self-esteem and performance in the workplace. Respect for others’ time for sharing, known as “group airtime,” also helps people feel valued and reduces the odds of developing the impression of favoritism or an “us vs. them” culture.

3. Talk in terms of the other person's interests or contributions.

When you speak about topics that are of interest to other people, they are more likely to be attentive during a conversation with you. Those in the first group focused well on each other during discussions because they wanted to know more about how their partners affected their own work. And during the introductions, when everyone sang their partner’s praises, each person felt validated and encouraged.

4. Try to honestly see things from the other person's point of view.

Participants in the first group had to describe themselves to their partners. They explained why they were team players, how they fostered motivation and a positive future, why they were trustworthy and honest and how they demonstrated trust, respect and listening. This helped their partners acknowledge biases and preconceptions and gain a better sense of how each team member supports each other. Subsequently, everyone in the group came away feeling privileged to work together.

5. Conduct exercises that encourage respect, trust, sharing and mirroring back what was heard until the person sharing is in agreement with what is mirrored.

Take a few minutes and consider whether you have been communicating effectively or poorly with other people in your life. Be honest with yourself. Even if you have a lot of room for improvement, the good news is that there are positive steps you can take immediately. It’s never too late to bring people together and grow — both as individuals and as a community helping and developing each other.When left alone without any facilitation, management, or leadership, teams are, well, uh…typically horrible to each other. Back-stabbing, gossip, chaos, negative thinking, and a lot more happens.

for the full information, see my article in Forbes

For more of my articles on LinkedIn see:

The Cost of Lying and What to Do About It

Is Your Brain or Game Theory Sabotaging Your Success?

The Neuroscience of Conversation

4 Steps to Trigger Passion in the Workplace

Do or Do Not, There is No Try

Louis Carter is CEO of Best Practice Institute and an analyst of best and next practices in transformational technologies, talent management and leadership development practices. https://www.bestpracticeinstitute.org or https://www.louiscarter.com or https://www.skillrater.com