Are people reacting honestly to you?

In business, there are a lot of times when you have to smile and hold your tongue to get through an encounter. Sometimes it is with a customer, sometimes with a vendor or salesperson, sometimes with an employee or boss. We know we do it. It is a lazy approach, but we just don't always have the fortitude at that moment to deal with things appropriately. We all do it, but do we realize when it is being done to us? Is it important to know?

A business's credibility impacts more than just sales. It impacts recruiting and retention of employees, availability and pricing from new vendors, ease of conflict resolution with customers, etc., etc. Can you imagine the difference in recruiting an employee when they go home and their friends and family say, "Oh, that is a great place to work!" Or the ease in resolving a miscommunication with a customer, when they already heard from their friends that you always make things right. They just come in with a different mindset making your job that much easier. If that credibility is in jeopardy, many things get more difficult.

I see something killing the credibility of small businesses far too often, and the guilty parties probably never know they are guilty. Worse yet, they can't know how much it is adversely impacting their business relationships and credibility in the community. It is death by 1000 cuts, and they think they are the ones doing the cutting, but they are dead wrong. The culprit is passive-aggressiveness. There is no place for it. Not in business, not in relationships, not in parenting, not anywhere, but it is so common that it is taken for granted. Many times it is a supervisor or owner who is doing the cutting. Sometimes it is front line staff making the cuts with customers. Maybe it is a particular coworker who is always snarky. It might be in person, by phone, or by email, but wherever it comes from, it is always toxic.

Let me start by saying, "Obviously, the solution to this crisis is...." Has anyone ever used that phrase with you? Obviously? Did you have a subconscious reaction to it? I doubt you stopped them and corrected them that the solution wasn't so obvious or that there were in fact many different solutions. You probably smiled along and either agreed, or gently guided the conversation another direction in order to have your input, but something inside happened whether you meant for it to happen or not. You liked that person less. You trusted that person less, because you felt they didn't trust or respect you. The relationship was damaged, and they probably never knew.

"I don't know why anybody would ever..." Hmmmm, the person on the receiving end of this statement likely has an internal discussion. "There was actually a valid reason, and I'd be happy to have that debate with you here and now, but I don't think you will like it, or you can just give me the new directive and we can move on like you didn't just intentionally insult my intelligence." In most cases, that thought stays internal, a fake smile, a meek agreement to do it differently next time, and another damaged relationship.

Passive-aggressiveness is a result of poor logical reasoning, poor communication skills mistaken for wit, and often a poor self-esteem. Those who have attained their position and stature by being able to intimidate and bully, and who use their position to demand others treat them a certain way that insulates them from their insecurity. Unfortunately it is effective the majority of the time, and the dastardly long-term effects go unrecognized. This type of environment will lose customers, stifle new ideas, lose good employees, create more sick days and lost productivity, cause vendors to avoid being as responsive, and create an overall negative impression in every way imaginable. I bet you have people right now who call your phone, and you send to voicemail because you aren't in the proper mindset to deal with them. Other people you answer with a smile, because you always like to hear from them.

The good news is that knowing you have a problem is the first step, and it can be fixed! Eliminate those words and phrases. Ask sincere, open-ended questions and wait patiently for the answers. Don't assume anything ahead of time. If you are the victim of a passive-aggressive boss or coworker, then find ways to point it out. Maybe ask them if they realize how that just sounded. Point out how it might have sounded to a customer or a someone overhearing it without the benefit of knowing you are friends. Offer to do some customer service training for the office on the topics hyperlinked throughout this article.

At the end of the day, it isn't the customers or employees who engage us with problems that should worry us. Those are the great ones where things can be resolved. It is the ones we never hear about that kill our business. The ones who just move on to someplace they are more comfortable or more appreciated and never help us learn from our mistakes and grow. Just like we can have a positive impact on people without ever realizing it, we can also have a negative one, but in the end those hurt us more than them. They will learn from the experience and move on, but we won't get the chance to do that unless we self-reflect, encourage open feedback, and approach people with sincerity.