The People-Pleasing Trap: A Silent Killer of Career Growth

Imagine this: You've just left a meeting, buzzing with ideas and feeling accomplished. On your way back to your desk, you overhear a colleague criticising a project you really care about. Suddenly, a wave of worry hits. You feel the need to defend your work, prove yourself, and please your manager.

But is it worth it?

Many of us grow up being told that being agreeable and always saying yes is a good thing. We're taught that going along with others and putting ourselves second are positive traits.

But honestly, trying to please everyone - your team, your boss - can actually be counterproductive.

If you're always trying to make others happy, you might end up feeling unsatisfied and never reaching your goals. It's easy to get caught in a cycle. Chasing perfection and approval might seem like the way to succeed, but it often leads to burnout and feeling stuck.

As a career coach, I often observe this pattern: individuals stepping into their first managerial role, those beginning a new job aiming to "make a good impression," and managers taking over an "old team."

When Saying Yes Costs Too Much

Let me tell you about Elena. (She gave me permission to share her story.)

She's a smart and hardworking mid-level manager who always tries to keep her boss happy. Seriously, she's the first one in the office and the last one out. She takes on tasks that aren't even hers and agrees to deadlines she knows aren't realistic, just to avoid disappointing anyone and to show her commitment.

But here's the thing, her efforts are beginning to impact her life. Her personal life are slowly falling apart. The long hours at work are hurting her relationships, and her health - both mental and physical - is suffering. Her friends and family are worried, but she believes that making these sacrifices is the only way to succeed in her career.

In meetings, she often just nods along to avoid any conflict, even when she knows there's a better way to approach things. This often leads to her team making decisions that she later has to fix, which just adds to her stress and workload. Her struggle to say "no" or challenge the norm is really exhausting her, and unfortunately, her once-promising career is now stuck.

How to Identify the People-Pleasing Cycle at Work

Here are six signs that you might be caught in the people-pleasing cycle:

1) Struggling to Set Boundaries

Are you constantly adding extra tasks to your plate that others should handle?

If your time is spent pleasing others at the expense of your own well-being, your boundaries might need a firm reset.

2) Poor Communication with Management

Do you avoid direct conversations with your manager or skip-level manager?

Practicing assertive communication is super key for keeping things professional and making sure your voice gets heard.

3) Staying Silent

Do you find yourself holding back opinions to avoid conflict?

Speak up and share your thoughts, even if they clash with the majority. It might feel a bit awkward at first, but just go for it.

4) Micromanaging Others

Struggling to delegate tasks?

Trust your team's skills and give them room to grow instead of trying to do it all yourself.

5) Feeling the Need to Prove Yourself

Do you ever feel like you're always pushing yourself to do more because if you don't, you'd feel anxious about not doing enough?

Take a moment to appreciate what you've already achieved and understand when you've done enough.

6) Overloading with Work

Do you often take on too much work without getting the credit you deserve?

Start paying more attention on how you balance your tasks to prevent burnout.

Are You Afraid to Say No?

Your value isn't based on making everyone happy at your own cost.?

Here Are Some Simple Tips to Help You:

-> Reframe "No"

Offer other options that show you're open to working together,?while protecting your workload and priorities.

-> Ask for Help

Start by making small requests and try handing off tasks that don't need you to do them personally.

-> Be Seen

Practice being noticed in meetings or presentations. Show up with confidence and be yourself.

Lessons from my coaching students:

"I used to feel like saying no meant letting my team down. Once I learned how powerful setting boundaries can be, I became a manager my team could really count on." - Layla, Senior Project Manager

"I realised that self-acceptance is more important than anyone else's opinion." - Michael, IT Consultant

"Learning to say no was the most liberating thing I've ever done for my career. I've gained more respect." - ève, Marketing Director

Being a people pleaser at work is a hard habit to break, but you can do it, just like my coaching students did.

Let go of trying to make everyone happy and drop that emotional weight.

You'll feel much better!

P.S.

Saying yes to others is easy, but saying yes to yourself feels even better.

I've got only two exclusive 1:1 coaching slots available for the rest of the year. These are ideal for mid/senior managers, directors, or C-level looking to:

- Transition careers

- Elevate leadership skills

- Increase workplace influence

- Break through barriers to progress

Secure your spot for a confidential initial chat here: Discovery Chat