People Pleasing Is An Impossible Job

I was riding in the car with my cousin one day and I asked her if she had a chance to read my book - Release The Pressure. I had not seen my cousin in months and I just wrapped up a conference where she lives. I brought up the book just to strike some sort of conversation. Without any hesitation she blurted out, “I have questions!”?

“Okay, what kind of questions?” I replied.?

“Personal questions,” my cousin asked. “Do you mind?”

She piqued my curiosity, so I decided to oblige. It wasn’t a surprise as I received the same reaction from other women wanting to know more about my journey.

“How does your mom feel about your book?” she asked. “From the outside looking in it seemed like she did everything right.” I certainly wasn’t expecting to answer that kind of question. In fact, I never thought about what my mom would think as I was writing the book.

“My story does not take away from her doing a great job in raising me,” I said. “She did an exceptional job and she also read my book."

My cousin looked confused. I could tell she wanted to learn more, but didn’t want to overstep any unspoken boundaries. I don't often share this side of my story, but I told her anyway. ?

Hi, my name is Jennifer Branison and I fully recovered from people pleasing. I'm here to tell my story.

Ever since I could remember my life was a game of performance. My goal was to not disappoint anyone. I couldn’t stand the sinking feeling of accomplishing something and not get the reaction I wanted from the people around me. It was my motivation for everything I accomplished. I wanted so badly the approval from others.

It all started with my mom. With great intensity she raised me to be the absolute best. She often showed me off to family members and friends. She had me recite poems, sing, and dance to let everyone know she had a gifted child. It didn’t matter what career track I followed as long as I became number one in my field. But one thing was for certain and two things for sure I was GOING to school, get my education then get a traditional 9-5 and retire.?

I majored in journalism in college and class was in session for her too. She studied different tv personalities and news anchors, encouraged me to go after opportunities, and quizzed me on what she thought I should know. When life caught up with me she would always remind me I wasn’t working hard enough or that I didn’t want it bad enough. The truth was I was exhausted and burned out from years of chasing the life planned for me. Eventually I became unsure of what my dreams looked like anymore. In her eyes, I was going to be the person in the family who “made it.” Whew, the pressure!?

I am the apple of my mother’s eye. The manifestation of her dreams.

She wanted nothing more than for me to live the best life possible. Her mentality was if you want something in life you have to go get it.?

There was absolutely nothing wrong with that mentality until I started internalizing it as not being good enough. I focused so hard on doing and working instead of being the great, talented, brilliant, beautiful, and powerful?person I already was. I certainly didn’t have to work to possess all of those great qualities, but when I became an adult I thought if I helped other people to my greatest capacity then that would somehow make me earn all of those qualities. I called it my addiction to serving. It allowed me to deny the purpose brewing inside of me. My true and authentic self suffered and produced internal chaos. I was literally in a battle with myself until I became sick physically. ?

Here are three things I learned that helped me not give into the expectations of others:?

1. If you want anything in life you don’t have to chase. You attract - Working hard to impress people that were never meant to give what you needed in the first place is like falling into quicksand. It’s a trap. No matter how hard you work to pull yourself up you will end up falling deeper into the hole that was not meant for you. It’s self-inflicted bondage.?
2. Learn how to self-validate - Once I learned how to uplift and BELIEVE in myself I didn’t need anyone else to tell me about my greatness. I could trust myself and make the best decisions, because I knew my value. There wasn’t a sudden need to prove myself. What anyone said didn’t matter to me anymore if they didn’t have the results I wanted.?
3. Focus on YOU - The saying is true that where focus goes where energy flows. Once I stopped focusing on other people and paid attention to me, the magic happened. My job was to do my own healing work to bring out the purpose inside of me. I started to invest in myself. I forgave myself. I healed. I gained clarity about my own vision for my life. I learned about my unique gifts and talents I bring to the world. As soon as I started to own myself truly and authentically I became unstoppable.

At the end of our conversation my cousin said, "You are the person I needed about 15 - 20 years ago."

As for my mom, she’s overjoyed and happy that her daughter is no longer suffering even if it challenges her entire belief system. She’s proud of the book and the ability to now say her daughter is a published author. I am STILL the apple of her eye and that will never change.?

Jennifer Branison is a newly published author, speaker and coach. She had no idea that chronic stress played a major role in developing some of the health conditions, which severely diminished her quality of life.?Once she identified chronic stress as a root cause, she embarked on a life-changing journey toward a happier and a healthier life. Now she is sharing her incredible story and the tools to break free from the dark haze of stress. As a women’s health advocate and speaker, Branison was featured in a?Refinery 29 exclusive?with senator-turned Vice-President Kamala Harris upon introducing the Uterine Fibroid Research and Education Act. To learn more about her story, purchase her book at?ReleaseThePressureBook.com.