People need a good listening to

There has been much discussion and dialogue created by my last post Dig Your Well Before You Need Water.?Many people related to the direction given in answer to: “How do I network without looking needy or desperate?”

Some suggested that letting go of the attachment to a positive outcome was helpful, but most thought that “become genuinely interested in other people" was a practical way forward, for their future interactions.

I have been reflecting on the first part of the Henley Professional Certificate in Executive Coaching course that I have just started. It was a rare opportunity to check out of my life for two days, digital-free in a stunning location, and focus on my own personal and professional development.

I did not know what to expect, so was nervous yet also excited. I noticed that the tutors were very welcoming, and knew I had made the right decision to invest in my development. I woke early on the second day at 4am and could not stop writing! It gave me the opportunity to revisit my values, and I was energized – in the learning zone. ?

It made me think of the number of times in our careers that we are in the wrong room – what are the signs for us to look out for?

I have observed that when we are in the wrong room, we experience others looking to:

·??????find fault

·??????trip us up

·??????criticize

·??????and outflank us.

This environment of lack of psychological safety causes us stress and means that we do not produce our optimal work. Our society of hyper-competitive one-upmanship leads to poor conduct and behaviour and, of course, the end justifies the means. The problem with this is that your next sale is often a function of today’s delivery and how you conducted yourself during yesterday’s sales process. Process leads to outcome, therefore trust the process.

This got me wondering why such behaviour is so prevalent in today’s workplace and business interactions.

During our recent interview with leading Enterprise sales director Paul Evans, he described how safety is vital to high performance, whilst not easy to achieve in the context of enterprise sales with targets to hit. He says:

“As humans we are animals and from a biochemical perspective, the more dominant dopamine, oxytocin, and serotonin rather than ‘fight or flight’ cortisol (the stress hormone), the greater the likelihood of problem-solving and high performance.”

Psychologist Dr. Daniel Goleman, who has brought the power of emotional intelligence to successful human interactions says: “For better or worse, intelligence can come to nothing when the emotions hold sway.”

So how do we get out of our own way?

Tim Gallwey, ?the author of The Inner Game series of books, offers the suggestion that we have two minds; ?Self-1 and Self-2. Self-1 is hyper-critical and Self-2 offers access to our intuitive self. However, Self-1 often “interferes” with Self-2.

“The intuitive mind is a sacred gift and the rational mind is a faithful servant,” Albert Einstein once said. “We have created a society that honours the servant and has forgotten the gift.”

What I learnt about myself is that it would be helpful for me not to expect the same standards from each person I interact with. It would be helpful for me to challenge my beliefs and become more curious in how I access greater emotional intelligence.

It would be helpful if I become more genuinely interested in other people, by asking high-calibre questions, listening more effectively, and allowing silence and reflection to occur.

On his great show “Don’t Tell Me the Score”, Simon Mundie interviewed Danny Kerry, the gold-winning hockey coach from the 2016 Rio Olympics. Kerry shared how after finishing sixth at the Beijing Olympics, the post-games review felt like a character assassination from the players.

He was seen as aloof, stuck behind a computer, and only interested in results rather than the players. He had a choice – to be defensive and probably lose his job, or to reflect within and adapt. He chose the latter and now has a daily mantra for how he enters challenging conversations:

·??????Where am I right now?

·??????Where do I need to be?

·??????Where are they right now?

·??????Where do they need to be?

·??????How do we close the gap?

As a leader, he always asks himself, ?“Am I the right person to deliver this message right now or are there others better placed to do so?”

This emotional and mental checklist enhances his self and situational awareness to create the space to develop better joint outcomes. He employs it as short cut to accessing greater emotional intelligence, to avoid him resorting to type at a pressurised event.

My invite this week is to reflect on how you can get out of your own way and give those you interact with a good listening to.

Our purpose at Enterprise Sales Club is to enable SaaS Sales Professionals to achieve their potential through the power of life-enhancing connections, shared experiences, and collaborative learnings.

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