People are More Difficult Than Algorithms?

Welcome to The Neurodiversity Coach Newsletter. As an Executive Coach, Leadership Trainer and self-professed geek, I've had the opportunity to work with neurodivergent leaders and coach them through many leadership and workplace challenges. Each week I share resources and insights for neurodivergent leaders and the rest of us.

In this week's newsletter we discuss the nuances of dealing with people compared to computer algorithms.

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People are More Difficult Than Algorithms?

I feel for geniuses.?

They were probably doing math at a university level while they were still in grade school—maybe even asked to tutor their classmates. They mastered science concepts long before their peers. Their parent’s approval was tied to their amazing abilities—so they were beloved by the adults in their life. If they were lucky, they went to a “gifted” high school and onwards to schools like MIT, Caltech, and Stanford. Those who navigated University often went on to post-doctoral work or they ended up starting their own companies or working for Big-Tech.?

Sounds perfect right?

My genius clients report something different:

1. They feel misunderstood and honestly don’t know how to help people see their good intentions. Sometimes they have enemies without even knowing how they created them.
2. They feel awkward in dealings with people (don’t we all) but up until now, they only had to be smart—not good at building relationships.?
3. They’ve been promoted to leadership positions or they founded a company with their ideas. In either case, they have the title of “leader” and are wondering how to really influence their teams, peers, and managers.?

I have this client—definitely a genius—at a big tech company who is a star when it comes to solving technical problems but he keeps on getting dinged for how he is with people. He just found out that some of his peers “hate” him. I feel for him. It has him contemplating leaving and starting over.

Being a genius doesn’t help you solve conflicts with humans.?

One of my super-smart friends, Jason de Villiers, put it this way in the context of computer software programming:

“In computing, the paradigm to encode an idea is known: There is a programming language with fixed syntax, a compiler and even a debugger can help when you get in trouble. There is no connotation to code, and the compiler does not try to read between the lines.? Conversely, when communicating an idea with one or more people there is seldom a fixed universal lexicon, and there is no compiler to help unravel intent, execution and perception when communicating goes awry. Each person filters the message through their accumulated experiences and scars and hears something different. It takes time and trust to be able to detect and debug human-to-human communication errors."

Time and trust.?

It’s clear. Our ways of being with others took time and years of conditioning to be created and if we want to shift how we are, we need to use time to create new conditioning. It’s just like building a muscle—reading about how to get strong will make ZERO difference. You need to pick up the weight and lift it day in and day out. Same with communication, influence, confidence, and trust.?

You don’t have to be a genius to experience the same things. If you resonate with any of it—try on some conditioning.?

1. Practice the art of listening. That’s it. Just listen.
2. Try compassion, humility, and empathy. Once a day, instead of solving the problem you “know” the answer to—sit back and respond with some feeling words like—"huh… that’s a tough one” or “I can see how that could be difficult.”
3. Once a week, share a vulnerable story about yourself. Really.?

Godspeed

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Past Articles: Neurodiverse Leadership Resource Library

Want more resources on neurodiversity leadership? We are finding and creating resources for you. Watch this section expand every week.

Aug 31: ADHD Kids Become ADHD Adults—but Sometimes the Tools Stop Working

Aug 25: Are you Dumb Enough to Manage Up?

Aug 18: Understanding the Avoidant Employee

Aug 10: Your Leadership is Not Served by You Thinking You are Less Than

Aug 4: Leaders Don't Want to Be Victims

July 20: Are You Overcompensating?

July 13: Why We Need the Outdoors

July 6: It's Not a Bug, It's a Feature

June 29: EMOTIONAL BIDS: What Do We Do When Someone Reaches Out to Us Emotionally?

June 15: The Boxes We Put Ourselves In

June 8: Please Just Tell Me the Answer!

May 25: Dyslexia and Leadership

May 18: Autism and Leadership: Advantages and Challenges

May 11: ADHD and Leadership

May 4: Hi Elon, I'd Like to Be Your Executive Coach

Apr 27: Surprise! Your Motivators are NOT Their Motivators

Apr 14: Managing Up Success Story

Apr 6: The Power of Routine

Mar 30: The Nerd Ceiling and Digital Body Language

Mar 22: Neurodiversity Makes For Better Leaders (Sometimes)

Mar 16: He Only Cares About Himself

Mar 9: Neurodiverse Leaders and the Power of One on One Conversation

Mar 2: What if My Neurodiverse Boss Sucks with People?

Feb 23: Why Am I So Anxious?

Feb 16: The Trouble With Neurodiverse Leadership (Forbes Article)

Feb 9: Your Straight Talk is NOT Authentic Leadership

Feb 2: People are More Difficult than Algorithms

Jan 26: Nerds (and Geeks) are Leaders Too!

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Staying In Touch

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