The People Manifesto: How to Conduct Effective RAPid Coaching in Nine Strategic Steps

What did the Buddhist say to the hot dog vendor? He said, “Make me one with everything!”, handed over a 100-dollar bill and waited patiently. After a long pause he said, “What about my change?” The hot dog vendor turned to him and said, “Change comes only from within, mate!”

While some change can occur by focusing on the behavior (the symptom) and repeating it enough times until it becomes habitual—think soldiers having to make their bed every morning—most change occurs from within, when an underlying mindset or belief is changed. As Picasso put it, “There is only one way to see things, until someone shows us how to look at them with different eyes.” Helping others see with different eyes, and thus allowing them to achieve their full-potential—their Realistic Achievable Potential (RAP)—is at the heart of coaching.

The book Trillion Dollar Coach focuses on the legendary coach Bill Campbell who is attributed with creating over a trillion dollars in market value through coaching the likes of Steve Jobs, Larry Page, Eric Schmidt and dozens of other Silicon Valley leaders. The book talks about how the role of a coach is to roll up their sleeves, “hold up a mirror so that we can see our blind spots,” and “take responsibility for making us better without taking credit for our accomplishments.” We can probably all think of an effective coach (Mr. Miyagi, Vince Lombardi or someone closer to home), but the point is that we all need to become effective coaches if we want to bring out the best in others and offer more than just lip-service. Moreover, according to Gallup if an organization can prioritize only one action it should be to “equip their managers to become coaches” because this is “the most important skill any manager can develop.”

While most people understand the benefits of coaching (and being coached), there are a number of common barriers that get in our way, labelled “myths of coaching” in The Tao of Coaching. The key obstacle, or “myth,” is often time. I would argue that the best coaching comes in small doses—10-15-minute sessions—and has a large payoff in terms of time. “Most great coaches agree that investing just ten minutes a day in coaching teammates typically generates at least 20 minutes of extra time per day for the coach.” Or as one client recently put it to me, “I didn’t have time to coach, but prioritizing a few ten-minute coffee chats has paid off many times over within the first few weeks.”

Below I’ve outlined nine strategic steps I’ve used to improve my coaching practice. These fall into three parts.

1.    Preparing purposely so that you set up the coaching session for success

2.    Creating awareness by conducting high-impact coaching

3.    Generating responsibility by both driving to action and following up

If applied weekly with discipline, these steps can result in radical improvements in how individuals, teams and organizations operate—improvements that are not just incremental, but something approaching the theoretical limit—the RAP.

Part One: Prepare Purposely 

Before you jump into high-impact RAPid Coaching, it’s important to consider three key things:

1.    Be a Servant Leader. Are you completely focused on helping others?

2.    Ask Questions, as they are the Answer. Are you asking powerful questions as opposed to advising?

3.     Adopt a GROWth Model (Goal, Reality, Options, Will). What coaching approach will support you to help others achieve their RAP?

Become a Servant Leader: Are you completely focused on helping others?

Theory – Albert Camus once said, “Real generosity toward the future consists in giving all to what is present.” Following the servant path is about giving your complete focus and positive regard to others. It’s about getting out of your head, getting curious and being selfless about helping others.

Application – Adopt a mindset of being selflessly focused on helping those you coach. Make it all about them and helping them achieve their RAP. Spending a few minutes before your sessions doing a quick breathing exercise, a gratitude activity, or a mindfulness exercise such as meditation can help put you in the right frame of mind. Let’s try one now for the next minute—close your eyes, sit still, and stop thinking. Whatever comes into your mind, just observe it. Just be present. This is what awareness feels like[1].

Ask Questions, for they are the Answer: Are you asking powerful questions as opposed to advising?

Theory – Peter Drucker once said, “The important and difficult job is never to find the right answers … it is to find the right question. For there are few things as useless—if not dangerous—as the right answer to the wrong question.” Furthermore, Elon Musk said, “A lot of times the question is harder than the answer. And if you can properly phrase the question, then the answer is the easy part.” Or even Harvard’s Clay Christensen: “Questions are places in your mind where answers fit. If you haven’t asked the questions, the answer has nowhere to go.”

You get it, questions are important. But the key here is resisting the urge to state or provide advice to others and instead just ask questions. It’s through this, through asking brief, bold and open-ended questions, that you increase your chances of unlocking better answers and even an entirely new tranche of questions.

Application – In the book Questions Are The Answers– A Breakthrough Approach To Your Most Vexing Problems at Work and in Life, Hal Gregersen talks about a technique called “Question Burst,” an activity in which you brainstorm questions, opposed to solutions, for a particular problem. Practicing an activity like this, or just setting a goal to only ask questions during your coaching sessions, can improve the volume and quality of your questions. 

Adopt a GROWth Model: What coaching approach will support you to help others achieve their RAP?

Theory – Ray Dalio, founder of the largest hedge fund in the world, Bridgewater Associates, talks about the importance of building and using systems to improve the quality of decision-making and create more value. In a similar vein, using a system or approach to coaching can improve your effectiveness. A foundational model I like to use is called GROW (Goal, Reality, Options, Will). The purpose of this model is to coach someone by having them set an aspiration and then review what’s in the way, what they could do, and then what they will commit to doing. This is only one approach of many, but it’s one I’ve found highly accessible and effective.

Application – Using the GROW model to frame key questions for the coaching session can be powerful. These could range from:

·      Goal—Where do you want to be six months from now? What’s something you’re working on and want to improve? What does success look like for you?

·      Reality—Where are you today? What’s in your way? What have your tried before? What assumptions do you have about this?

·      Options—What could you do? What else could you do? What if you had unlimited time, money, etc.?

·      Will—What’s the next step you could take? What could stop you from being successful and what could you do about this? What support do you need?

Part Two: Create Awareness

In Robert Frost’s poem A Servant to Servants, he writes, “He says the best way out is always through. / And I can agree to that, or in so far / As that I can see no way out but through.” It’s now time to coach, and as you work your way through, there are a number of strategic steps to consider:

1.    Go Below the Iceberg. Are you going deep to understand the “from-to” mindsets?

2.    Don’t Interrupt. Are you listening effectively and ensuring that thoughts are being completely finished?

3.    Build Rapid Rapport. Are you actively working to create a closer, more trusting relationship?

Go Below the Iceberg: Are you going deep to understand the “from-to” mindsets?

Theory – In Jordan Peterson’s 12 Rules for Life, he talks about a scenario: “Imagine that a hundred people are prescribed a drug. Consider what happens next. One-third of them won’t fill the prescription. Half of the remaining sixty-seven will fill it but won’t take the medication correctly. They’ll miss doses. They’ll quit taking it early. They might not even take it at all.”

We might assume people listen to someone in a white coat, but oftentimes for someone to change their behavior, they need to self-discover what the mindset is that’s holding them back. In many cases, people are simply unaware of the mindset that’s driving the behavior. What’s really stopping them from exercising each day? What’s really preventing them from asking for a promotion? By asking open-ended questions like “Why does that matter?” or “Why do you feel that way?” you can uncover the key mindset and inspire change.

Application – While this might sound like a little much, it doesn’t have to be perfect by any means. As Deng Xiaoping once said, “I don’t care if the cat is black or white, so long as it catches mice.” Or as the Stoics would say, “Don’t go expecting Plato’s Republic.” Just give it a go. Keep asking questions and see where it takes the session. Besides, what are you afraid of? What’s the worst that could happen? (Other questions you might consider asking.)

Don’t Interrupt: Are you listening effectively and ensuring that thoughts are being completely finished?

Theory – Ernest Hemingway said, “When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.” And Steven Covey said, “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.” Giving someone your full attention and focus and listening for real understanding can take a lot of energy. But by listening, avoiding interruption and letting the recipient finish their complete thoughts, you’ll be better placed to understand the “from-to” mindsets and place those you’re coaching on a journey toward their RAP.

Application – Use silence. Don’t be afraid to pause for ten to 20 seconds to allow the recipient to continue sharing their thoughts. Resist jumping in with your next question—rather, listen until their thought has been completed and then follow from there.

Build Rapid Rapport: Are you actively working to create a closer, more trusting relationship?

Theory – There’s a saying that “Birds of features flock together.” People are drawn to what’s similar. Chris Voss, a former FBI kidnapping negotiator, says in his book, Never Split the Difference, that building rapport and trust with others is core to “communication with results.” Actively taking steps to build rapport with those you’re coaching can dramatically increase your effectiveness.

 Application – Beyond the classic advice of giving eye-contact, amongst others, the FBI “mirroring” technique refers to repeating the last three words (or the last critical one to three words) of what someone’s just said. When practiced consciously, Voss argues that it’s a “Jedi mind trick” because it rapidly creates rapport that leads to trust. In a study with two groups of waiters—one that used positive reinforcement such as “great” and “no problem,” and another that used mirroring—the mirroring group ended up with 70% more tips.

Part Three: Generate Responsibility 

Gandhi said, “Be the change you want to see in the world.” In a similar vein, Jocko Willink, former Navy SEAL, said “Leaders must own everything in their world. There is no one else to blame.” Enabling the recipient to take full ownership of achieving their RAP is arguably the most important step in high-impact RAPid Coaching. As you conclude the session, ensure that you’ve done the following:

1.    Synthesize. Are you both on the same page about the insight(s)?

2.    Take Action. Are you closing the loop on clear, tactical next steps?

3.    Follow-up. Have you developed a path forward with touchpoints and accountability?

Drive Synthesis of Insights: Are you both on the same page about the insight(s)?

Theory – Steve Jobs once said, “That’s been one of my mantras—focus and simplicity. Simple can be harder than complex. You have to work hard to get your thinking clean to make it simple. But it’s worth it in the end because once you get there, you can move mountains.” Summarizing key points that have been made and synthesizing these into the key insights is a powerful tool to ensure you’re both on the same page and you’re sign-posting epiphanies, insights and progress-points as they’re being made.

Application – Every five to ten minutes, pause the coaching session to ensure you’re both on the same page by asking: “Are you able to summarize where we’ve gotten so far?” or “Are you able to play back any of the insights or epiphanies you’ve just had?”

Support Coachee to Take Action: Are you closing the loop on clear, tactical next steps?

Theory – There’s a great poem called That’s Not My Job that goes: “This is a story about four people named Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, and Nobody. There was an important job to be done and Everybody was sure that Somebody would do it. Anybody could have done it, but Nobody did it. Somebody got angry about that, because it was Everybody’s job. Everybody thought Anybody could do it, but Nobody realized that Everybody wouldn’t do it. It ended up that Everybody blamed Somebody when Nobody did what Anybody could have.” If there are no clear closed-loop actions (Exactly What, Exactly Who, Exactly When) then it’s less likely actions will be taken.

Application – Actively look to close the loop at the end of your coaching sessions by saying out loud Exactly What needs to happen in as simple a manner as possible, Exactly Who is going to do it, ensuring that this is one person, and by Exactly When this is going to happen.

Create a Coaching Contract: Have you developed a path forward with touchpoints and accountability?

Theory – It’s easy to let things slide. Think about all those New Year’s resolutions you’ve made. Think about that brand-spanking-new gym equipment that’s probably still collecting dust in your garage. A process needs to be in place to ensure accountability for your actions and also to ensure a coaching journey to help the recipient continue to GROW.

Tiny change can compound over time to have enormous impact. While a slight change that makes you 1% better or worse can seem insignificant in the moment, if you get 1% better each day for one year, you’ll end up 37x better. The boiling frog fable (a fictional story about a frog cooked to death by tepid water that’s slowly brought to a boil) is analogous in the sense that it’s really only after hundreds of 1% changes that we start to see the real benefits of a habit.

Application – Send out calendar invites for the next touchpoints over the coming three months. If it gets in the calendar, it’s more likely to happen. Furthermore, set up three to five KPIs (Key Performance Indicators) you can track on a daily (or in some cases weekly) basis to ensure positive tracking is occurring and interventions can be taken if the recipient falls off the wagon.

Victor Frankl, in his hit book Man’s Search for Meaning, said, “Success, like happiness, cannot be pursued. It must ensue. And it only does so as the unintended side effect of one’s personal dedication to a cause greater than oneself.” What better cause than to help those around you achieve their RAP and live their best lives? Finally, as Bill Campbell used to say to Steve Jobs and all those he coached, “Just “don’t F*** it up.”[2]

Questions to noodle on

·      Who are the best coaches and why?

·      What are the best books / articles / movies about coaching?

·      What advice / guidance have you found most helpful in improving your coaching?

·      What are the best questions you’ve asked or been asked by a coach?

·      What coaching approach (GROW or others) have you found most helpful and why?

(All views are mine and not those of McKinsey and Company)

[1] For a quick centering practice: “Please settle comfortably on your chair – legs uncrossed and feet on the floor, hands free and resting gently on your lap, back straight with head sitting comfortably on your spine. Close your eyes to reduce outside stimuli and feel your body relaxing; start at the top of your head and slowly work your way down – feeling your facial muscles relaxing, the furrow between your eyebrows opening, your jaw dropping, your tongue receding. Feel your neck and shoulders relaxing, stress falling away. Take in a few deep breaths and exhale as fully as you can; forcefully blow out the air in order to bring new oxygen in. After two or three deep exhales and inhales, breathe normally and begin to notice your breath – the rise and fall of your chest or the air flowing in and out. Rest for a few moments, focusing on your breathing. As thoughts enter your mind, just observe them and let them go. Each time, come back to your breath” – from Centered Leadership: Leading with Purpose, Clarity, and Impact by Joanna Barsh & Johanne Lavoie 

[2] Pat Gallagher, one of Bill Campbell’s close friends, said that “shortly before his passing, Bill asked Pay to deliver the eulogy at his service, he did so with an admonishment: “Don’t F*** it up!”