People End Relationships by Disappearing

Almost everyone who has been in a relationship has experienced a break up. Some are amicable, but many are acrimonious or just plain awkward and uncomfortable.

Wouldn’t it be great if we could avoid all the hassle of ending a relationship?

If we could cut a partner out of our lives quickly, decisively, and with the least possible effort?

If this sounds appealing, you may be prone to “ghosting”. It’s a relatively new term for what is likely an age-old solution to a relationship that is going nowhere.

To “ghost” someone is to cut them out of your life entirely, and to ignore all their attempts at contact.

To vanish into the ether like a phantom, leaving the partner to work it out for themselves that they’ve been dumped.

Although this type of behavior may be tempting in that it demands the least possible effort (who doesn’t approve of efficiency?), it does seem rather heartless.

And technology may be adding to the problem: after all, it’s easier to block a person you met on a dating app than to avoid a former office crush.

So, why are some people more likely to ghost than others?

How can we choose a partner who, if love fails to bloom, will let us down gently rather than disappearing into the night?

Ghosting is when you suddenly disappear from the life of the person you have been dating. You stop responding to phone calls or texts, with no explanation given. Although it has always been a risk in the realm of dating, it has become extremely common in recent years.

An obvious explanation for the increase in this behavior is that it is simply easier to break up with someone by ghosting them, particularly if you met online and can avoid ever being face to face with them again.

However, the ease of this type of break-up is only relevant for the ghoster, as it is far from easy for the ghostee. Anyone who’s been ghosted knows how painful it can be. It leaves no way for the person who was left to make sense of what happened. Questions are left unanswered, such as: 

“What did I do wrong?” and

“Did he ever really care about me?” and even

“Did something happen to him?”.

 There are often lasting effects upon self-esteem, particularly if the person was already suffering from blows to their self-image. It may be helpful to understand the possible reasons for what happened. The most common situations will first be considered.

Avoidance of confrontation

By this, I mean avoiding any type of direct communication which has the possibility of angering or even upsetting the other person. Many (if not most) people are conflict-avoidant and would rather walk away or change the subject than get into an argument.

Fear of angry responses (yelling, criticizing, etc), and avoidance of emotional responses (crying, or just tearing up) are both extremely common.

Being ghosted usually does not mean that you did anything wrong; it is more likely that the person you were dating just could not bring themselves to be direct with you.

Is that a character flaw? Not in my opinion; when you consider how many people have ghosted others, it isn’t helpful to label all of them selfish or flawed. 

It is a matter of emotional maturity and that is a trait that can develop and improve over time. If you think this explanation fits your situation, you’re better off forgiving versus judging them, and letting go as peacefully as you can.

Fear of emotional intimacy

This is the fear of actually allowing yourself to care deeply about someone, and accepting that they care deeply about you as well. It is not too difficult for those with this type of fear to date for a month or even for years as long as they are able to keep their emotional distance.

The dating relationship may be stable until something provokes this fear in a way which is intolerable for the potential ghoster. This not to say that the person who was ghosted is at fault.

Any number of events could have triggered this subconscious fear and these events may have been unavoidable.

Fear of intimacy is a long-term problem which is not easily overcome and usually requires an awareness followed by effort in order to overcome it.

Disclaimer: The information on this POST is not intended or implied to be a substitute for professional advice. The opinions expressed within this article are the personal opinions of the author. All content, including text, graphics, images and information, contained on or available through this article is for general information purposes / **educational purposes only, and to ensue discussion or debate.

Thank you … Fear of a violent reaction is common situation occurs when the person suddenly disappearing is afraid of an aggressive reaction to a statement of need to break up. I would not even call this behavior ghosting, but rather a self-protective behavior.

It is mentioned here primarily to clarify that there are times when sudden disappearance is the only safe way out.

Your thoughts …..?

Liked what you just read?

Want to add a word or two…?

 Narcissistic personality? 

Try to be mindful of their well-being and consider how you would like to be treated if you were in their place.

Maybe s/he is capable of hearing your straightforward explanation of why you need to end the relationship.

If you can’t find the words to explain your change of heart, consider saying something as brief as

“This just isn’t working for me.

It’s not your fault.

I need to end this relationship.”

I think most LinkedIn followers will agree that a simple statement is better than no statement at all.