People don’t want you to change

They don’t like it when you grow

And very often those closest to you

Will treat you like the person you used to be

Not the person you’ve become or are seeking to become

They try to pull you down rather than encourage you on your new path

Because it threatens the dynamic they once had with you

Or makes them feel like they have to grow too

And that’s never the easier lane

This is what can make growth incredibly challenging

The silent agreements you have with people

About how things will be or have been

But it’s not about them

It’s always about you

They only have the power you give them

And you only have the power you give yourself.

The day I committed to a new path

And I started making radical changes to my daily habits

I began to change on many levels

My desire to be self-directing and no longer be a people pleaser

Drove me to a far healthier sense of independence than I’d previously experienced

That path has not been easy

Mostly because of my fear that I’d get things wrong

Which tied in neatly with my often misplaced feelings of obligation to others

And what they expected of me or thought I should be?

Truth is I’ve had a complicated relationship with this

Part rebelling and part surrendering

But often questioning my own wants or entirely setting them aside

Yet as I embraced my own desires

I’ve made many mistakes

Sometimes going too far to the other end of rebellion

And compromising relationships and agreements

I’ve found it's about learning to find what works for me AND what works for

others, at the same time.

That’s healthy, and sustainable in the long term

It’s not easy and I haven’t always succeeded at first

But I’ve come to accept that without taking some risks

And making some mistakes

Growth is not possible

Sometimes things have to fall apart

Before you can lucidly see what the right way forward is

Or understand where personal growth is most needed

And sometimes it’s whats needed to realize what’s most important

So that it becomes much more painful to float around than to commit

The real clarity comes from that

It happens the moment you commit

Because certainty has never existed out there

It only exists within the decisions you make or don’t make.

When you grow

The needs of those close to you will not be met in the ways they once were

So their reaction is often based on the fear that they will no longer get what they need

Or they react to the fear that they will be left behind

So the solution is to explore and find new healthier ways to meet their needs while also meeting your own

And to encourage their growth and evolution as you grow

That is what leads to the preservation of relationships

And allows for even more growth

Particularly in the area of fostering healthy relationships

With others and yourself.

I once heard a statement that stuck with me

"There are only two ways people express themselves. One is an expression of love and the other is a cry for help."

P.S.

When you’re ready I have two ways to help you on the journey of transformation to reduce stress and make the most of your life.

Find out how well-aligned you are with your current career with my free Career Health Audit. Find it in my profile at Richard van der Spuy

Chat with me about the 8-week transformational course I’m offering: “Path To Purpose: Cracking the Blueprint of Your Life” where I help you get clear on what matters most to you and what type of career (or aspects of your existing career) will give you the most meaning, purpose and joy in your life. Combined with that you will also learn (and apply) how to gain control of your negative judgments and consistently transform them into uplifting perspectives and actions. Sound good? Message me at Richard van der Spuy and let's find a time to talk.?

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