People Blindness: Basketball, Babies, & Getting it Wrong

(Excerpt from my new book, “Beautiful Together” launching in Spring 2024)

Prologue:

It was a rainy night in Southern California when a young Marine soldier and wife had their first child. He was a handsome boy and the first grandchild on both sides of the family. While it was a happy occasion, it was also fraught with peril. Their premature son’s lungs hadn’t developed and was fighting for his life. After he was rushed by helicopter to the military hospital, the new parents hoped the doctors could help and prayed for a miracle..

You’ve heard of colorblindness before, but have you heard of people-blindness?

Colorblindness is the inability to see colors, people-blindness is the inability to see people because of the preconceived notions and incomplete paradigms in which we filter life through.

Paradigms are the windows we look through to perceive and understand the world around us. When our paradigm shifts, it transforms the way we see.

Recently, I went to shoot baskets at the gym. I have learned that as I become more and more mature, I have to be much more intentional in my physical fitness.

In one of my forays in gravity denying activity, stepped on the empty basketball court.

There is nothing like a quiet court where you can hear nothing but a bouncing ball and the squeaks of sneaks across the floor. I went through my routine. 10 standing layups with right hand. Then left. Floaters from bottom of the circle. Then short jumpers. Free throw line extended jumpers. Left side, then right. Center. Baseline jumpers. Three point line. Driving layups. Right hand, left hand, jump shots on the move, etc.

I absolutely love doing this.

But suddenly, a problem emerged. A group of teenagers and young adults stepped on the court and started dribbling and passing the ball to one another.

I normally listen to lectures or talks while I shoot, so I didn’t notice this group right away. What initially alerted me to their presence was the blatant disregard for what I like to call “basketball etiquette”.

When you are shooting, and there is ample room available, you find your own space and court.

In the event that sharing a court is necessary, you keep to yourself, stay out of the way, especially when someone is already deep into a practice session. These kids sadly, hadn’t been taught basketball etiquette.

They passed their basketball to each other directly in front of me. They didn’t grab my rebounds when I missed, but seemed to expect me to rebound for them. After 15 min or 20 min of this, more of their group started to crowd the court I was using. Then they began a two on two game RIGHT ON THE COURT I was using.

I was beyond frustrated. I had enough. I picked up another one of their misses and went over to confront the two rude laughing no basketball etiquette girls.

But right before I was going to start my diatribe on the need for basketball etiquette classes, I paused.

I looked at the girls again. Then the boys playing two on two. They all were older teenagers and young adults that talked and communicated like much younger children.

Then it hit me.

This was a special needs class that was out getting playing hoops and having fun. The “intrusion” into my basketball space wasn’t about etiquette, absence of manners or the presence of boorishness. I was completely wrong.

I was mortified and completely embarrassed.

On another occassion I decided to get out the office to work. I had no talks, appointments, or meetings. Just writing, emails, and administrative stuff. So I went to the local Barnes and Noble cafe (I love bookstores) to handle my business.

About 5 min after sitting down and getting set up, I saw a man sit down in the cafe. Not long after sitting down, he stood up. When he stood up, it was clear he didn’t have on a belt. His baggy pants slid down and his blue boxer briefs were exposed. A quick glance at his clothing made it clear that this was an intentional aesthetic choice.

He was “sagging”.

I immediately thought of conversations I’ve had with my father and other Black men about professionalism, presentation, and how to carry oneself properly. I shook my head in judgement at the young brother (not outwardly of course) when I noticed he wasn’t alone. There was a young woman with him and a baby neatly tucked in a stroller.

They spoke lovingly to the little bundle together. Our eyes met and I said hello. I got up and peered into the stroller. A beautiful child with curls for days sleeping soundly and dressed in the cutest little coat.

“How old?”

“He’s 15 weeks.”

When the mother said “15 weeks” I saw that the little baby boy had a tube connected to his face that was attached to an electronic device of some type. The father noticed my noticing and said, “Yeah it helps him breathe. We hope that he doesn’t need it soon.

I was floored.

It made me think of a story I knew about a little boy with a breathing problem:

When I was a baby, I was born prematurely. My lungs didn’t develop properly. I couldn’t breathe on my own and there were all kinds of issues. But my grandmother prayed, and God told her:

“The boy is going to be alright.”

And God healed me. Haven’t had any breathing issues ever since.

I asked the parents if i could pray for their son to have similar divine intervention. They enthusiastically agreed.

After we prayed, we acknowledged and wished each other a good day.

Both of these stories carry powerful lessons rooted in the same error:

People-Blindness.

I had the right raw “content” but because I applied the wrong context, I came to an incorrect conclusion. It was a classic “don’t judge a book by its cover” situation.

But I did judge the book. The cover, the contents, and everything. Now before you give me too hard a time, you do it too. You are people-blind. Just like me.

We often misdiagnose the WHAT of things when we don’t have or make space to learn the WHY behind the WHAT of that thing. In screenwriting it’s called text and subtext. Text is what the words say, subtext is what the words mean.

Let me explain using a simple sentence:

“It’s a good day today.”

Think about what this sentence says. But depending on the tone or the manner in which the sentence is said can change what the sentence means.

“It’s a good day today!”

or

“It’s a good day today….”

or

“It’s a good day , today?”

Notice the different tone that is communicated with different punctation. One is declarative, the next ambivalent, the last inquisitive. One sentence, three different meanings.

When we have the right text and content, but the wrong subtext and context, we have misunderstandings and make messes.

To get it right more often, we have to accept our propensity to get it wrong. When we deny our people-blindness, the more blind we become. When we accept our potential for people-blindness the more we can see.

Let’s see ourselves authentically so we can see the world more accurately.

(Pre-order ‘Beautiful Together’ at www.beautifultogetherbook.com)