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Do you deal with the difficult woman syndrome?

“Being exceptional requires a thousand small selfishnesses, and the world was not ready for women to be that difficult. It is still not ready.” -- Helen Lewis, Author?

Do you often find yourself being called difficult, especially at the workplace? You might be suffering from the ‘difficult woman syndrome’. No, this is not a disease, or a phrase found in any dictionary. But there is this unsaid category some of us women are boxed into when we are thought to be too ‘difficult’.

So, who is a difficult woman? This is not a new term. From when feminism has existed, such a term has been used on all those women who choose to not conform to the culture they are brought up in, or who cannot be put under any specific category. In most cultures, women are expected to be flexible, the one to compromise and put her family first, the quiet or shy one. Now, if a woman speaks her mind, it can be uncomfortable for a few, and if she has an opinion she is definitely ‘difficult’.?

While there may be several checklists to qualify as a ‘difficult woman’, it is more important to look at what this categorisation says about our workplace and culture at large. While the gender gap in workforces has reduced considerably, the remnants of the male-dominated spaces continue to haunt the culture at these workplaces. So, a woman who is expected to have attributes of being docile, quiet and submissive is also encouraged to exhibit these qualities at work as well. As soon as a woman shows a hint of having her own voice or wanting to achieve greater heights in her career, she is seen to be aggressive and ‘difficult’. Whereas the same traits in a male worker are seen as being assertive and ambitious.?

While we all may agree that women have been successfully integrated into our workforce, it comes with the added pressure on these women to conform to set standards. For those of us who are not willing to conform and are not willing to let their gender be a deciding factor in how they perform at work, it may not be a smooth sailing career for them. In most cases, even though they may not be reprimanded openly they end up being bullied in some way or the other by their male counterparts. If you find yourself in such a situation, here are few pointers you may want to consider:

• Since the 19th Century, the idea of what is ‘feminine’ has been redefined and metamorphosed. Today, traits such as being empowered, powerful, intellectual, and having strong emotional intelligence are also being associated with women.?
• You don’t need to stress about being likable. Be loud, speak your mind and take up space and most importantly call out such label bearers.
• History has seen a series of these ‘difficult women’ who have been trailblazers in their respective fields. Some of them include Mother Teresa, Indira Gandhi, Kalpana Chawla, among others.?
• Don’t be afraid to be a trailblazer. Remember, you are where you are because some woman before you fought to make that space.?
• Women supporting women can be empowering. Not just as a concept but if it is an ingrained value in most of the women at the workplace. Seek support and give support to your tribe.?