Pay your monthly bill with dignity

Since our bodies and our choices (or lack thereof) are on blast—let’s talk about both, shall we? I recall my first moon blood at the tender age of 12. We were on a family vacation when the red-headed nemesis showed up unexpectedly, like she always does. I was mortified and ill-equipped. I thought that angry faucet would never turn off. After the awkward birds and bees convo with mom, she got me the supplies I needed. But a lot has changed since then. Now there are numerous options—light, sport, overnight, heavy, organic, winged, scented, flex foam, super-long, extra-thin. We have more choices than a Cheesecake Factory. Nothing like the sheep’s wool and rabbit furs our great-great grannies used.

I remember my utter embarrassment in ninth grade English class while trying to stealthily slip a pad into my pocket as it unraveled and dropped to the floor, wings spread like a bird hitting a window. The boy I liked, of course saw the scene and my panic, and just stared at me judgingly as I scooped it up from the floor. My crimson wave, and my face, both swelled. And no, I did not ask Scotty to Sadie Hawkins that year.?

Surely you’re wondering why I’m sharing these intimate details with you. Well, it’s because I recently swallowed the red pill (because of course it was the red one!) and I cannot unsee the stigma of Satan’s tears. Leviticus 15:19-33 states, “Whenever a woman has her menstrual period, she will be ceremonially unclean for seven days. Anyone who touches her during that time will be unclean until evening.” The bible verse goes on to use “unclean” several more times and even references “her menstrual impurity.” Impurity! Without this so-called impurity, people would not exist. Riddle me that, Leviticus!

So, literally, women have been period-shamed since the first century. And I’m not tampon-tificating! This idea of being “unclean” has carried on for millennia. As a young woman, the feminine hygiene products (FHP) I desperately tried to hide were an embarrassment once exposed. We go to such extremes to sneak around with Scarlet Flowhanson. We flush the evidence so no one has to see discarded FHP’s in the trash; so no one has to see our “uncleanliness.”?

I am begging you, stop flushing them! Our bodies are capable of amazing things and there’s nothing to be ashamed of! And quite frankly, they’re clogging up the sewer system. Girl, you gotta stop. The wrappers, applicators, napkins, etc.—it all goes somewhere, and if they don’t clog up your end of things, they’ll cause problems further down the sewer line. They are the second worst offender after wipes for causing clogs. Now I’m not saying leave the crime scene exposed in the wastebasket for all to see. Any decent criminal at least makes an attempt to cover up. However, if you’re the only female in your home, you’re already a suspect. A little extra rag-wrapping is merely a courtesy.

For real though, women have enough to deal with. Don’t add “call the plumber” to your already extensive to-do list. So, to all the ladies who truly feel me, toss those FHP’s in the trash! Stand tall when the cramping stops! And don’t let Leviticus define your level of cleanliness, purity, ceremony, or…really, anything for that matter. Dude never moved out of his mom’s house.