PAY THE GASLIGHTER BACK IN HIS OWN COIN

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Folks, 10th of October was Mental Health Day

In order to ensure that the relevance of the day is not lost on us, we did some mental health awareness programmes at our workplace.

Mental Health does continue to remain stigmatized globally.

As per a recent survey conducted by the Economist, 47% of survey respondents agreed that cultural attributes in their country make it difficult to openly discuss mental health issues at the workplace.

On this occasion, I was drawn to introspect on a strong manipulative technique, which I have observed and to be candid, subjected to : Gaslighting . This manipulative technique is perhaps the most prevalent toxic practice in workplaces of today and its impact often has a profound impact on the subject’s mental health.

So, as we observed Mental Health Day, I did some study and applied some thought on the subject of Gaslighting in organisations.

Often Gaslighting is the unrecognizable insidious carcinoma which the subject never identifies as such. It is important? to understand the concept at depth so as not to be a victim or a perpetrator. One way of gaining perspective on the subject of gaslighting would be to watch “Gaslight”, ?a 1944 American psychological thriller film directed by George Cukor, and starring Charles Boyer, Ingrid Bergman, Joseph Cotten and Angela Lansbury in her film debut. Adapted from Patrick Hamilton's play Gas Light (1938), it follows a young woman whose husband slowly manipulates her into believing that she is descending into insanity. The movie is an excellent exposition on the manipulative art of gaslighting.

Coming back to the workplace, would you believe it that Gaslighting is most common in the boss – subordinate dyad in organisations. It’s the intensity and the direction which varies.

A GASLIGHTED SUBORDINATE: -

A gaslighting boss might consistently deny your experiences, dismiss your achievements, or subtly undermine your confidence, all while maintaining a fa?ade of support or concern. This behavior is not always overt.

If you work under a leader who is going out of their way to make sure you don’t develop the skills or experience you need to apply for a more senior role; a leader who is a credit digger (please do read my earlier post, “ET TU BOSS”; , an information hoarder or? an expert manipulator, uses reverse psychology to make you feel small and is unapologetic (unless they are in public)?

As per recent research, nearly 30% of bosses are mildly or highly toxic. I would estimate that to be much higher as? gaslighting – the most toxic boss behaviour is often not understood by the subordinate leave alone getting reported.A smart boss wont even let your realise that you are being gaslighted. Worse still, he himself may not be aware of his toxic behavious borne out of a need of his own psychological safety , personal esteem and his own worth at the job.

As per research estimates it may take up to 22 months to get over the harmful effects of Boss gaslighting – similar to a bad spouse syndrome.

EVEN BOSSES CAN BE GASLIGHTED:-

I have no shame to admit that in one of the organisations I have worked for, I was gaslighted by a smart sub to trusting him while he portrayed himself as a paragon of virtues and competence while surreptitiously carrying on with a fraudulent practice ?benefitting himself and his cronies. Before I could utilize the leads from my? first whiff of suspicion , he put in his papers and had bolted.

But such instances may be few and far between. So while discussing remedies, we will focus here on the machinations of an evil boss on his subordinate.

DEALING WITH GAS LIGHTING : IS COUNTER- ATTACK THE BEST METHOD TO DEAL WITH GAS-LIGHTING:-

The first step in ridding yourself of being gaslighted ?is to first recognize that you are indeed being gaslighted or is your boss giving you honest feedback in an unsophisticated manner. Worse still may be the case when you think your boss’s sympathy for your lack of professional competence is actually manipulative and not real. This subtle/covert method is pernicious and prevalent. Knowing ?your real professional worth and any “empathetic suggestion” by your boss to the contrary needs to be strongly challenged.? The boss needs to be made aware by the subordinate that he is aware of his manipulations and has the? will to oppose the same.

In fact, if your organization has a psychological support helpline such behaviors need to be immediately reported in the hope that the boss is counselled. But , proving that your boss is gaslighting you is not a cup of tea. It is more difficult than proving charges of sexual harassment and neither does it have the statutory procedural ?framework that the latter has nor the well defined statutory punitive framework. Moreover, a gaslighting boss is likely to cover his tracks with the influential people within the organization pretty well.

While accepting that Gaslighting is a mind-game , the victim needs to understand that the perpetrator deserves to be paid back in his own coin. I would perhaps think that this is the best method to deal with gas-lighting at the workplace. This way you will gain a feeling of control over the manipulative boss and also witness him grapple with a behaviour used by him being used upon him. While not promoting sadistic behaviour through my post, I would like to justify such a strategy as being “attack” as the best form of “defense”.

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