A pause on self-improvment

August 17 was an unassuming day. Another day with baby Mia, who gives me at least 30 minutes a day to read with her napping in the sling attached to me. A friend asked me what I was reading, and she was surprised to hear it was a “self development” book, given I was in the cocoon of momma and baby still. And while objectively it’s probably classed as a self development book, I had the weirdest reaction - because I didn’t see it as one. I saw it as a philosophical book. One which made me think on concepts bigger than myself, but didn’t make me reflect on who I am as a person.

And in that same exact moment, I had a knowing that took this one step further. That I was done with my season of deep self reflection. This very long season, I might add - probably something that started back in San Francisco a la 2016. When things started to feel wrong - and I went on a very long 6 year journey to make them right.

It was a weird feeling saying “I think I’m done with self reflection” out loud without even thinking…. and knowing it rang completely true. It’s weird because it’s been who I am for so long, and it’s what I “do” professionally.

And yet I specifically want to share this because I think it’s so important to

1. Not live in the past. Just because I was something doesn’t mean I have to be that thing forever.
2. Normalize self development not being something we have to continuously do to feel like we are worthy.

I’ve had a fair few coaching clients stay on with me for 18+ months now. I personally love working with them for so long - but equally at times I have found myself mulling over if I should encourage them to be without me. To stop reflecting for a moment.

Funnily enough, with 1 long standing client she actually arrived at this knowing herself. She had been “doing the work” for a very long time - well before we met. And for a while our sessions focused on supporting her in just being, rather than evolving. I supported her in NOT developing, reflecting or improving. Because she realized that it was time to give herself a break. But leaving the "always reflecting" version of herself she had known so long in the past was impossibly hard for her to do on her own - so we did it together.

Now she did bring back some of the reflection a little while later, but intentionally - rather than compulsively. This switch can (and should) happen to us in all facets of our lives. You don’t need to upskill, network or hustle constantly. But you can (and should!) when it feels relevant and exciting to you. And release it when you feel like you simply “should” do it.

Because if I can drop the self development aspect of myself as a coach, you can drop whatever aspect you have completed of yourself as well. And if you need support in doing so - just shout.

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