On Patience, Self-Belief and Resilience

I've been released of my job twice this year. TWICE.

First on the 3rd January, and second sometime in late April (don't quote me on this one).

The first time was a big shock to the system. Not so much because I wasn’t expecting it. The vibe was different and I could sense what was next. I’ve built my career on relationships and reading people. I had a fair idea what was going on.?

What it was a shock to though, was my ego. I’d always performed in my roles in the past, I was paid well and I pride myself on succeeding in whatever I do.?

Truth be told, until recently a lot of my identity would lie within my success in my career, or “my job” and how I was performing there.?

Being told that things weren’t working out, had me feeling like I was no longer offering value, like I do when I HAVE a job.?

Now that I write it; it sounds insane. Nothing had changed except that I wasn’t employed anymore. Everything I brought to the table 5 minutes before that point, still existed within me, but this one really rocked me.?

I’d spent the better part of the Christmas break mulling over whether or not I had a job when we returned to office, so I took a deliberate couple of weeks off. I didn’t look for a job, I visited my Mum in the countryside and got back to enjoying the simple things in life.?

Think: coffee on the back porch in the sunshine before heading off to do some training with Mum’s horse.?

Once I’d cleared my head, I made the decision to take a break from the Corporate life. I was feeling burnt out and fairly jaded by Corporate and the IT Industry. I wasn’t going to bring an excited and fresh energy to a Corporate role. I needed to hit reset.?

So off I went, applying for jobs that were at times less than half the salary I’d just come from. I prioritised what I knew was best for me despite the inevitable pay cut and ever-looming “you’re a flight risk” conversations that were had.?

It was an expected, yet interesting, lesson. So many companies saw me applying for roles that were “well-below” my skillset and deemed me someone who was looking for a gap-filler opportunity. Probably a fair assumption broadly, but for me I was really considering leaving the Corporate world behind for good. I just needed to find somewhere willing to give me a crack to help make some change for the better. USE my skillset to help mature a Small to Mid-sized business.?

Enter an old friend from high school. She’d removed herself from the Design/Architecture world for similar reasons. I reached out to grab coffee and mentioned in passing I was looking for a gig, and they were hiring. (Can we say "Hallelujah"?) I was very much tired of applications being my full time job by this point.

(Spoiler: this is job number two.)

The business was more field-work based. Think; residential building management and maintenance services. Essentially there to ensure they’re up to scratch operationally, that they stay clean, etc.?

Initially I thought I’d be doing more field work, but an Operations Manager role became available upon interview. Long-story-short - I took the role and got started the following week with the direction of managing a small team, improving processes and some field work too.

I want to preface this next portion by saying this was my experience and is by no means a generalisation.

Working for a family owned business with no clear leadership or direction was challenging on all counts.?

I didn’t feel comfortable speaking freely and transparently. I did so when it was called for but there wasn’t a safety in it. In the corporate world there are accountability structures in place to enable forward progress and tracking of exactly that. In this world, there were no. It was unfamiliar and a shock for me.

I learnt a lot in this experience, and my (almost 10 year) career to date. Some of which I’ve noted below.

1. For things to change, people and businesses have to be willing. Simply saying it is not enough. Get uncomfortable and commit.
2. No amount of money or job is worth sacrificing your mental health for. Ever.?
3. If for no other reason than to protect your integrity; stick by your ethics, morals and values. (Also learn how to use "no" professionally and politely.)
4. Everyone has their own battles they’re fighting. Lead with grace, but do not accept disrespect on any account.
5. Get perspective from those outside your experience. It is very easy to be consumed by your immediate surroundings. Don’t drown. Grab the rope.?

Fast-forward. I was told I was not an industry-fit, and that they didn’t feel comfortable putting me in front of their customers. In hindsight, I think I was struggling to see my value for this industry specifically too. I felt that I wasn’t making a positive impact; not adding value. Turns out, I just wasn't in the right place for me to excel. We learn.

Now, a few years ago a younger me would have been HEARTBROKEN to get this kind of feedback.

Today though, I take it with a grain of salt and know the reality is that my strength is in working with people. Perhaps that industry wasn’t good for me, and that’s fine. One more “no”. That’s good. It’s knowledge.?

I’ve built my career on creating and maintaining relationships, and what I truly learnt from the past 6 months is that ONE person (maybe two people in my case) does not define your value. You do.?

Your work ethic, your integrity, your grit, your passion. All of these, should you stay true to them and be patient; they’ll fruit what you’re looking for.?

Don’t get me wrong, some days I was in tears and felt like screaming into the void. “What if they’re right about me?”

They weren’t, and they aren’t, and it never stopped me from moving forward. It doesn’t make them bad people, but it does make them the wrong people to have in my corner. They’re good for someone else’s corner.?

They’ve freed me up to go find the right ones for me.?

Present day: the Corporate world has welcomed a new-energy-me back in, it’s looking promising and I am a far better and wiser person for having experienced the past 6 months.?

No rain, no flowers.