The Patience to Figure Things Out

If you know me even a little, you’ve probably realized patience isn’t my strongpoint. I’m a doer. A creator. Someone who prefers to hit the ground running, rather than dwell on the details. This go-getter personality has served me well in some aspects of my life (daring to take a leap and co-found The Disruptive Element , for instance), but not others. Even though it doesn’t always come naturally to me, I have learned the value of practicing patience.

Patience came into play in a big way a couple years ago when I was barreling forward with my work, but not experiencing the joy or satisfaction I once did. I found my energy reserves were depleting quickly, and I was having trouble refilling them. At first, I chalked this up to “COVID fatigue,” but as the months wore on, I knew this was something else. I realized I needed to make a change—a big one.

[Read more about my “Unretirement Story” ]

This is where patience stepped in. My natural impulse is to press forward, to keeping going, but I knew deep down that I needed to slow down, to reflect, to practice patience. What we often call “intuition” or a “gut feeling” is actually rooted in neuroscience. Your brain is processing vast amounts of information every second, and it’s constantly putting together patterns based off past experiences. These stored patterns can help us with future decision making (as demonstrated by a well-known study featuring Japanese shogi players ). So, a “gut feeling” may really be your subconscious brain recognizing what did—or did not—serve you well in the past and urging you to act accordingly.

So, I listened to my intuition, and I realized two things: 1) I needed to make a big change and 2) I didn’t need to have everything figured out. I could practice patience, try a few different paths, and move in a direction that felt right. That’s when I decided to have an unconventional “retirement.” I would step down as the CEO of The Disruptive Element, but I would stay involved in the organization (coaching occasionally) while I determined my “next big thing.”

Now, I know what some of you might be thinking: “So, I have to quit my job and upend my life to give myself the time and space to figure out my next steps?”

Nope, not at all.

Though I’m currently taking a break from traditional work (a very busy and eventful “break,” I might add!), I’ve had to step back and rethink my life’s trajectory on a few occasions. For example, I first started cooking up the idea for The Disruptive Element while I was working a corporate job (and growing increasingly miserable). Although I worked full time and juggled several other responsibilities, I set aside time to reflect, recalibrate, and start building, and eventually co-founding, my business.

This is about intentionality. It’s about mindfulness—listening to that gut feeling. It is also about practicing patience while trying to define your new path. You don’t necessarily have to plunge into the water with both feet. You can dip in a toe, test the waters, and decide if you want to go deeper. In practical terms, this might mean talking with others who have made a similar change, taking classes, gathering information, conducting a few informational interviews, learning or trying out a new skill.

This summer, I have been taking wine classes (picture is me on first day of Level 2 WSET Certification program) to figure out how wine (and the small vineyard I own in Argentina) might fit into my life and my life’s purpose. Setting aside this intentional time to grow, learn, and get curious is all part of the process of “figuring it out.”

If you’ve been experiencing some of the same feelings of exhaustion, anxiety, or “this isn’t quite right,” I encourage you to pay attention to those feelings. The longer you ignore or suppress them, the more likely they are to bubble up in negative ways (although an expletive-filled fit of rage might be satisfying in the moment, that’s a swift way to burn your bridges!).

Instead, consider setting aside just 10 minutes every day to work on YOU. You are worth 10 minutes, and then some. Make those minutes count by really honing in on the big questions. Where are you in your life? Why do you want to make a change? What is no longer working, or no longer serving you? And then: What do you picture in the foreseeable future? This doesn’t have to be your “forever plan,” but what path, or what changes, would serve you right now?

You don’t have to quit your job to engage in this type of deep reflection. Find a quiet corner of your house, go on a walk, write in a journal—whatever appeals to you.

As I’ve moved through 2023, practicing patience and engaging in daily reflection, I’ve realized how very purpose-centered I am. Though I’m still defining my purpose in this stage of life, it has been clarifying lately, and I’m excited about what I see. When I figure things out further, I’ll share more. But for now, you’ll just have to be patient…