Paths Through Grief: The Art of Compassion

How to Support Someone in Grief

Grief touches us all. Whether we’ve lost a parent, partner, child, or dear friend, it is a universal experience that breaks open our hearts in ways we never expect. Yet when it’s someone else who is grieving, many of us feel paralyzed—unsure of how to help or what to say. I've sat with countless people in their grief, and the one thing I’ve learned is this: we don’t need the right words. What we need is presence.

I remember sitting with Alexandra, a young woman from Singapore who had just lost her mother. She came into my practice, holding herself together in the way so many do when they are trying to be strong. But the moment she sat down, the tears came. She didn’t need me to fix it. She didn’t need me to find the right words. She needed space to let it out—without judgment, without advice. And in that moment, all I did was hold the space for her to fall apart. That was the greatest gift I could offer.

The Weight of Grief

Grief is more than an emotional response—it’s an experience that often manifests in the body and can leave us feeling physically weighed down. I think of David, a talented, award-winning musician whose wife had recently died from alcoholism. He described how he would stand in his studio, surrounded by instruments, unable to touch them. He was living in a fog, too exhausted to create, too numb to feel.

David spoke of how his body felt like it carried the weight of a thousand bricks. He wasn’t sleeping, barely eating, and felt like a shell of himself. In our sessions, I taught him simple breathing techniques to help him reconnect with his body. Just a few minutes of mindful breathing a day, focusing on long inhales and longer exhales, began to ease some of the physical tension he carried. It didn’t take away the pain, but it allowed him to catch his breath again, to find moments of reprieve amid the overwhelming grief.

In my work, I often guide clients back to their breath and body. Grief can disconnect us from ourselves. We forget to breathe deeply, our shoulders tense, our bodies slump. The weight of loss sits heavily on us. But even in the midst of sorrow, small acts of self-care—breathing, stretching, even a mindful walk—can create tiny openings for healing.

What Not to Say

One of the hardest lessons for those supporting someone in grief is learning what not to say. I remember Sophie, an English woman who had just experienced a miscarriage. Her friends, well-meaning but misguided, kept telling her things like "At least you know you can get pregnant" or "It wasn’t meant to be." Every time she heard it, Sophie’s pain deepened. She had lost a baby, a future she had already begun to envision, and hearing these attempts at comfort only made her feel more alone in her grief.

In these moments, silence is often the most compassionate response. Instead of offering advice or platitudes, simply be present. Sit with the grieving person in their pain, without trying to diminish or distract from it. Hold space for them to feel, to cry, to rage if they need to. Mei didn’t need solutions, just as Sophie didn’t need to be told how she should feel. What they needed was the space to experience their grief, in all its messiness.

What to Say and Do

If you're ever at a loss for words, it’s okay to admit that. When Sarah lost her mother to cancer, her closest friend didn’t know what to say. Instead of trying to find the perfect words, she told Sarah, “I’m not sure what to say, but I’m here for you.” That simple, honest statement was exactly what Sarah needed to hear. It wasn’t about fixing anything; it was about being there, through the waves of pain, and holding space for whatever might come up.

There are practical ways to help too. I remember how Alexandra struggled with everyday tasks after her mother passed. Grief can leave you in a fog, unsure of how to even make dinner or handle the laundry. Offering small acts of service—bringing over a meal, helping with the kids, or simply checking in regularly—can ease some of the burden.

One of the most healing things I’ve learned through my work is the importance of naming the person who has passed. Using their name acknowledges their existence, their importance. When Sophie spoke about her baby, she would often say, "I lost him before I could even hold him, but he was still mine." Naming the baby, even if they never lived outside the womb, kept his presence real and honored his existence. Naming the person helps the griever feel like their loss is seen and understood.

The Power of Community and Healing Together

One of the most difficult aspects of grief is the instinct to isolate ourselves. When we lose someone, it often feels safer to retreat inward, to shut the world out. We believe that no one could possibly understand our pain, and in that isolation, grief can become heavier.

But healing doesn’t happen in isolation—it happens in community. I’ve seen it time and again: the moment someone opens up to others, shares their story, or simply allows themselves to be held by those who care, a new layer of healing begins. David, who had cut himself off from his bandmates after his wife’s death, gradually found his way back into the studio, not alone, but with them by his side. They shared memories of his wife, celebrated her life in their music, and helped David rediscover the joy of creating. It didn’t erase the loss, but it brought life back into his grief.

Sophie, too, found solace in a group of women who had experienced miscarriages. In their shared grief, they found a community of support, a space where they could talk openly about their pain without fear of judgment. Through their stories, Sophie began to see that she wasn’t alone in her loss, and slowly, a new appreciation for life emerged.

The dead, in their absence, often teach us how precious life is. In sharing our grief, in coming together, we find ways to continue living—not in spite of our loss, but because of it. We carry the memory of those we’ve lost with us, and in their honor, we begin to live more fully. This is the gift of community, the shared experience of healing, and it is one of the most profound ways we can support each other through grief.

Creating Compassionate Space

In every session, I see how grief isn’t something to be "fixed." It’s something to be felt, moved through, and ultimately integrated into the fabric of one’s life. When Alexandra came to see me after her mother's funeral, she didn’t need a solution to her pain. What she needed was a compassionate space to unravel. She needed a place where she could grieve openly, without fear of judgment or expectation.

David, who had once described himself as emotionally "numb," eventually found solace in the simple practice of sitting with his grief—allowing the tears to come, allowing the weight to lift, even if just for a moment. By creating this compassionate space, we give people permission to grieve in their own way, on their own timeline.

Whether it’s through offering to help with practical tasks, sitting beside someone in silence, or simply acknowledging their pain, these small acts create the foundation for healing. Compassion is central to the wellness practices I teach, and it is through compassionate presence that we walk alongside others on their Paths Through Grief.

About My Newsletter

Paths Through Grief is a special edition within my broader Path to Wellness and Healing newsletter, where I explore holistic wellness, healing practices, and emotional recovery. In this series, I dive deep into the human experience of grief, offering insights and tools to help both those grieving and those supporting them. Through shared stories, practical advice, and mindfulness practices, my hope is to create a space where grief is met with compassion, and healing is gently nurtured.

About My Therapy Practice

As a systemic therapist and wellness consultant, I specialize in holistic, integrative approaches to healing. My work with grief extends beyond just the emotional—addressing the physical, mental, and spiritual dimensions of loss. Whether you are navigating the loss of a loved one, recovering from a major life event, or simply seeking emotional support, my therapy sessions are designed to help you heal from the inside out. Together, we can explore a path to wellness that honours where you are, and where you are going.