The Pathological Liar: A Hurdle That’s Tough to Clear

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Imagine This Utopian Dream

• Don’t you wish everyone told the truth at least 90% of the time? It would make your professional and personal life so much easier, wouldn’t it? Think about how much stress, anxiety, and paranoia-based spending that would remove from your life.
• People would deliver on their promises. You would be able to plan knowing that the person with whom you shared that plan would reliably carry their share of the load.
• Trust among family members, significant others, friends, business partners, government, and other institutions would be so much easier to build and maintain.
• Infidelity and betrayal would virtually disappear.
• Scams, phishing, and fraudulent advertising would become nightmares of the past.

Tell the Truth, Now!

We’ll examine the realities of planet Earth for a moment. People lie. They lie by varying degrees and frequencies, but they almost invariably lie at some point or another.

I am not endeared to the expression “little white lie.” It suggests that unless the lie has a great impact or is not driven by an urgent need to conceal the truth, it’s not a bad thing. But here’s the thing: the color means nothing. It’s still a lie.

Why Lie?

Just because you catch someone in a lie does not mean they lie pathologically. People lie for various reasons like these:

• They lie to save face or spare themselves a great deal of embarrassment.
• They lie to avoid spoiling a surprise.
• They fear losing their job after making a mistake that would make that likely.
• They commit a crime and consequently fear incarceration.
• They don’t want their significant other to dump or divorce them.
• They have a public persona to maintain.
• They think it’s the only way to make money or make it quickly.
• They lie to sabotage others they see as a threat.
• They lie as an act of vengeance.
• They lie because they’re insecure.
• They take pleasure in escaping punishment for bad behavior.
• They lack a strong moral compass.
• They lie to cover up another lie.
• They have lied for so long they are starting to believe the lies.

During one of his television broadcasts, a woman in the audience asked comedian/emcee Steve Harvey why men lie. His answer was immediate: “Because they know if they told the truth, they’d get in trouble.”

A Difficult Condition to Nail Down

But pathological liars do exist and no, pathological lying is not considered a mental illness, although it can be part of something like an antisocial or narcissistic personality disorder. People diagnosed with other mental health conditions may lie, but not necessarily because they are pathological liars.

What Makes This Type of Lying Different?

What distinguishes pathological lying is that it is often done for no reason at all. That’s why many consider it to be a compulsive behavior. Once these people start lying, they just can’t stop. It’s like a verbal opiate. And the annoying fact is that no official psychiatric diagnosis for this compulsion exists.

Pathological lying is a pattern that usually develops in the teenage years and can last for decades. Part of the difficulty of identifying pathological liars is that they frequently tell engaging or plausible stories, although, after a while, a disturbing pattern emerges and diminishes their social proof.

Some of Us Are Idealists

Part of the problem is that some of us want to believe. We want to believe people are "basically good" and those we trust wouldn’t think of hurting us with a lie. However, it happens daily. Remaining naive will only hurt the person who refuses to learn this and continues to place too much trust in the wrong people.

How to Cope With Someone Like This

There are things you can do, such as:

• Once you catch someone in a lie, forgive them for your spiritual well-being, but remain on guard. They either made one mistake they now regret or showed you the beginning of a harmful habit. Time will tell.
• Learn to listen more carefully to what people say and avoid the tendency to dismiss red flags.
• Confront the suspected liar and ask uncomfortable questions. Their reaction will often tell you the true story.
• Trust your intuition. This is key.
• Don’t support their lies to help them out because “deep down you know there’s good in them.” You will avoid getting entangled in bad situations or looking untrustworthy by association.
• Be honest with them. Tell them that integrity is a non-negotiable value and they must be truthful with you. If they can’t be honest with you, you are not interested in either a personal or professional relationship. They will move on to victimize others, but you can’t police them.
• If their lies violate the law or will potentially hurt someone you know, notify the appropriate person(s). Taking that step will no doubt spare someone pain.

Conclusion

The price of dealing with a pathological liar is high. Lies place relationships, jobs, trust, reputations, finances, and other necessities in jeopardy. You might lose trust in your ability to discern good people from covert enemies after falling victim to just one of these deceptive people.

But remember that you are more resilient than you think. If you make a mistake in judgment, learn from it and notify the proper authorities or parties involved. Don’t cover up for others’ lies, as that will only heighten the stress, anxiety, and self-confidence you have worked so hard to build.

Pay much more attention to people's actions than their words. Someone with a reputation for telling “tall tales” can be either engaging or damaging, and you have to trust your intuition to figure that out. If someone suggests a colleague is lying to you, don’t panic, but exercise due diligence to verify or refute your suspicions.

People lie, but you need not remain a victim. You deserve better.

WHAT ABOUT YOU? Have you dealt with a pathological liar? What was that experience like for you? LET US KNOW IN THE COMMENTS.

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