The Path to Self-Awareness: Transforming Your Life from ‘Why’ to ‘What’

Recently, I found myself doing a lot of soul-searching, looking for meaning and satisfaction in my life. I need to make this clear: there's nothing really "wrong" with my life. I'm sure it ticks a lot of boxes for the commonly accepted blueprint for a happy life. However, I caught myself thinking that I was living someone else's life, following a foreign manual with goals, tasks, wants, and needs that were not truly mine. Therefore, I've decided to change that and make my life authentic to me. After all, it's my life, and I only have one. So if you feel similarly, you can join me on my journey to find what matters to you and maybe uncover what’s been missing so far. ??

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I've started my journey by diving into YouTube videos and reading various articles, and blogs I found on the web. I've also read and listened to many self-help books! Many authors and wise individuals emphasize the importance of knowing your values, strengths, weaknesses, and morals, as well as having self-awareness, among other things. These are guiding principles that define who we are, what is important to us, and what makes us truly happy. The truth is, in my case—and maybe in yours too—we understand these well-known concepts like VALUES and SELF-AWARENESS only on a surface level. Therefore, we should dig much deeper to make sense of them. So, my beautiful reader, buckle up and let’s explore the concept of SELF-AWARENESS.

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Let’s look at the following questions:

• What is self-awareness?
• Why is it important?
• What do you need to do to develop it?

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What is self-awareness?

There are many definitions, but they all speak about the same thing. As outlined in an HBS article by Tasha Eurich (2018), there are two types of self-awareness: internal and external.

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Internal self-awareness represents how clearly we understand our emotions, behaviors, and motivations in different life situations and how these affect other people around us. For example, how you react to your spouse leaving a dirty cup in the kitchen sink every morning and what impact your reaction has on your spouse. Or your irritation with a colleague who always cuts you off and tries to finish your sentences and how your meetings go because of that.

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The second type of self-awareness is external. It explains how other people view us as a result of our emotions, behaviors, and motivations in different life circumstances. When you notice your colleagues rolling their eyes after you bring up a fresh idea on how to improve things early in a meeting. Or how your spouse asks you to tone it down in an expensive restaurant.

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Simply put, if internal self-awareness is the message we send to the world, external self-awareness is how this message is being received by the world. The marvelous thing is that T. Eurich's study found no correlation between high internal and external self-awareness. This means you can be extremely aware of why you are angry, irritated, or enthusiastic and how it impacts other people but still be oblivious to how others see you. Conversely, you might be very aware that others label you as a "troublemaker," "friendly," "caring," etc., without really understanding why.

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Why is self-awareness important?

This brings us to why self-awareness is important. It can be the foundation of healthy confidence when you understand your inner world and how others perceive it. Thus, you'll be able to identify what you need to improve in yourself and how to improve the way you present yourself to the world, leading to more positive reactions. Understanding your own thoughts, emotions, and motivations will help you make better decisions and prepare for the outcomes of these decisions.

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You will improve your communication skills and time your important interactions better, enhancing your overall relationships with others. For example, you might stop overwhelming your spouse with complaints about household chores as soon as they walk in the door from work. Instead, you might regulate your emotions and find a better time to discuss task allocation at home.

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An increase in self-awareness can also help with job satisfaction, as you reflect on the aspects of work you like and dislike and structure your day accordingly. Self-aware people manage their emotions better and self-awareness is widely accepted foundation of emotional intelligence.?

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In a nutshell, self-awareness can lead to a happier life.

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What do you need to do to develop self-awareness?

Many sources reference different tools and techniques to cultivate self-awareness: journaling, therapy, meditation, strengths assessments, emotional regulation techniques, focused observation, asking for feedback from friends and family, and self-study. You would need to find one that works for you.? An interesting fact is that T. Eurich's study found that frequent self-analyzers are more depressed and anxious and experience poorer well-being compared to those who don't ruminate on themselves. The major difference between productive self-insights and unproductive wallowing in self-pity is the questions people ask themselves when conducting self-analysis.

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According to T. Eurich, the most useless question you can ask yourself is "Why?". We often don't have access to all the information and cannot know the motivations, feelings, and thoughts of others, so we just tend to make things up. Our brain will add missing pieces of information to any situation, attempting to make sense of everything happening around us. ?We start to believe that our made-up ‘truth’ is real, while it may be very far off.

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Therefore, a much better question to ask yourself is "What?". This question helps us stay focused on facts and aspects of any situation that can actually be controlled and changed. For example, instead of asking why you feel miserable at your job, rephrase the question and ask yourself what makes you miserable. Is it an unstructured environment where tasks are allocated at the last minute? Is it your boss who shows no interest in you and never advocates for your best interests? Is it a conflict with a co-worker or a long commute? When you pinpoint the problem on a factual level, it's much easier to address and improve it.

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The same principle applies to family life. Instead of asking why dirty dishes in the sink early in the morning annoy you, ask yourself what you can do to avoid accumulating these dishes or at least seeing them first thing in the morning.

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The secret to productive self-awareness is acknowledging what is happening: what you are feeling, what you are doing, how you are behaving, and the impact it has on others. Then, ask yourself what is making you feel or act this way. The ultimate goal of self-awareness is to develop strategies and techniques that will improve your quality of life and overall well-being. It seems like a long process, but it's definitely worth experimenting with.

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Conclusion

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In this very short article, we explored the concept of self-awareness. We now know that there is internal and external self-awareness, providing a comprehensive view of ourselves and how the world may see us. We understand that the goal of self-awareness is not only to know who we are and what we want but also to create a strategy to achieve our goals. Shifting the focus from ‘Why’ to ‘What’ allows us to formulate the problem statement and make it possible to bring about meaningful changes. So, let’s embark on this journey of self-discovery together, embracing the process of becoming our authentic selves and reaching overall happiness in our lives.

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References:

https://hbr.org/2018/01/what-self-awareness-really-is-and-how-to-cultivate-it

https://www.betterup.com/blog/what-is-self-awareness

https://www.hrh.ca/2022/01/27/the-benefits-of-self-awareness/

https://www.lumiacoaching.com/blog/self-awareness-tools

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