The path to confidence

I am #dyslexic.

Although I attended a that doesn't mean my fellow pupils were necessary kind and understanding. Nor the teachers.

Learning to read and spell was almost impossible for me as I'm unable to "link" sounds. One of my most traumatic memories is of sitting in an extra reading class and having to read out loud. The first word was "An" which after many minutes of battling and much sighing and prompting from my class teacher I eventually managed to sound out. The second word was "Ant" but I was unable to attach the "t" sound to "An". After much shouting and accusations of being lazy and stupid later, I think I managed, that part I don't remember. Imagine going through the majority of your schooling battling with languages and being forced to do English, Afrikaans and German. I'm not surprised that I developed anxiety whenever the "spotlight" was turned on me. Reading my old school reports the most common statement is: "Nial should participate more in class". I was the observer, introverted and withdrawn. My initial diagnosis was made by a Chinese student/lecturer from the School of Optometry at Technikon Witwatersrand. I don't know your name, but I'm eternally grateful for your courage to speak to my mom, thank you, Sir! I do need to acknowledge one other person, Linda, thank you for your kindness, it was seen, but not acknowledged.

I don't know how I managed Basic Training and Junior Leadership in the South African Defence Force. Being thrown in amongst a group of strangers would not have been easy for me. But I did succeed, one of the few candidates without a tertiary qualification to receive a Deed of Commission. The leadership element of the Army Intelligence School saw something I hadn't yet realised. I was posted to Group 18, Witwatersrand Command. My most notable success was connecting my Commanding Officer to an animal welfare society, solving two problems. There was an animal health problem in Alexandra Township but it was too dangerous for the animal welfare organizations to go into the area. The SADF was responsible for the running of the area and had applied the Oil Spot approach detailed in works by Frank Kitson. The SADF built a veterinary clinic and staffed it with National Serviceman who had veterinary qualifications and provided military escorts for the welfare personnel so that they could continue their educational programmes in Alexandra.

A shortage of accommodation for officers meant that I was able to stay at home. Being HQ staff I worked office hours unless there was a special operation or I was the Officer on Duty. This enabled me to continue my martial arts studies.

I studied under the guidance of Edward Jardine and it was many years before he surprised me with a request to teach the senior class while he was away. I panicked, how could I teach people, some of whom had been training longer than me? But Eddie was adamant that I was capable. And so a journey of self-discovery began.

I wasn't comfortable teaching. In 1997 I started my school in Midrand. I doubt I ever made a profit. But I grew along with my students, a special thank you to the Wilfinger family for their support and hard work. Somewhere during this journey, something clicked within me, or perhaps I should say I came to acknowledge my ability to understand others and to adapt my teaching to their needs. Around the same time, a Japanese friend commented that I looked so confident stepping out to perform a Sai kata during a Japanese Cultural Day demonstration. I realised then that although my mind was in turmoil somehow I was still able to project confidence.

This was a turning point for me. A change came over me and I began to speak up. I was employed as a Forensic Analyst by the Department of Health. The laboratories were responsible for the Medico-Legal analysis of post-mortem samples. However, the laboratories were struggling with huge backlogs and old methodologies. I became instrumental in changing and updating analytical techniques. I was the first analyst to request to attend a Meeting of The International Association of Forensic Toxicologists. Where beforehand I had avoided completing my Higher National Diploma because it required doing an oral presentation here I was about to give my first-ever Scientific presentation at an international meeting! The attached image gives insight from the Young Scientists Committee who evaluated my presentation. After this presentation, I was requested to review papers for publication in The Journal of Forensic Science.

My observations:

• Confidence comes when you acknowledge to yourself that you're good at a particular skill set - just be honest with yourself and make sure there's evidence to support your claim!
• Acknowledging that you have a difficulty isn't a weakness, it's a strength! By acknowledging the difficulty you can find solutions.
• Anxiety and fear can be normal, but they don't have to paralyse you. Get those dragons flying in formation!
• You're capable of doing more than you think you are. Be humble, and have a sane estimate of self.
• Qualifications don't equal competence. From a contact in the intelligence industry: Knowledge + Skill + Attitude = Competence. With a good attitude, you can acquire both knowledge and skills.
• Be kind to yourself and others. None of us can truly understand what another is going through.
• A carrot is better than a stick! Western thinking is very critical. In most instances, a person knows when they've made a mistake. Chances are they're beating themselves with their stick, please don't add your stick. Encouragement and a kind word will have more effect in the long run. I had to consciously control my thinking as an instructor and look for when my students got techniques right rather than criticise when they got the technique wrong.
• Learn from Sun Tzu and find a different way to explain the technique. Beheading isn't acceptable even if you feel it's justifiable!