Paternity Leave Guide - Why and How to Take Paternity Leave

Preface: There is no one right way to take Paternity* Leave, as no two families and their circumstances are exactly alike. However, there is ample research demonstrating the clear benefits of paternity leave and how that leave can best drive short & long-term benefits to the new dad, their partner, their child(ren), and beyond. This document will attempt to sum up these broad findings, with a focus on when to take leave and if/how to break it up, which in a way have become best practices most applicable for first-time dads. Please remember that your individual family circumstances may indeed lead you to conclude that a different approach is better suited for you, whether this is your first child or your nth.

Caveat: This guide was originally written for Google employees, who have a generous paternity leave policy and generally speaking a very supportive culture that allows and encourages men to take their full leave. Men that do not have one or both of those will of course need to adjust, but I believe many of the principles for leave still stand, as do the other miscellaneous tips included here.?

Please share this with any and all new/expectant dads & moms! We all can (and should) play a role in increasing paternity leave utilization and the myriad benefits that will unlock for society.

Guiding Principles:

• Intend to take all of your leave
• Make a rough plan of how you intend to take all your leave.
• Acknowledge that your plans assume a best case scenario with no surprises, but that you can deviate as needed should you need to.
• Communicate your plans with your manager, and then your team and any other stakeholders that may be impacted. Document your leave plan with coverage, transitions, etc.

To Split or Not to Split - A Series of Common Approaches:

Option A: This is becoming the most popular (and Editor’s Note: is often the most net net advantageous, especially if the birthing parent will be returning to work within the 1st year). Take a few weeks when the baby is born and it is most beneficial to have all hands on deck while you and your partner adjust to your new family reality. Use your remaining leave when your partner returns to work.

• Pros: Solo caretaking = accelerated baby bonding (and stronger paternal relations have numerous lifelong benefits for the child and the dad), solo caretaking breaks down gender roles & leads to healthier marriages, delays childcare (financial benefits + parents often more comfortable with childcare when baby is a little older), extends parental care through some of the sleep regressions, eases mom's return to work & resumption of her career.
• Cons: Dad initially returns to work while baby is still quite young, night wake-ups are most frequent, etc. e.g. Mom has to shoulder more of the workload.

Option B: Take all or most of your leave up front when your baby is born, overlapping entirely with your partner.

• Pros: All Hands on Deck support in what is often the most difficult time period adjusting to your new family life. For n+1 child, if you don’t currently have childcare help with the older child, this is often the preferable option to be able to divide and conquer between the baby and the other kid(s).
• Cons: Missing all of the "Pros" in Option A above

Option C: Take some amount of time upfront when the baby is born, then break out remaining durations into 1-3 week blocks throughout the year. While some dads have successfully done this when they have been very deliberate and planned, and there are cases where it does make the most sense, more often than not we’ve heard dads that do this end up struggling to use their full leave (feeling guilty about it), and end up causing more disruption to their team/business with the constant stops & starts.

Considerations for Deviating from Options A, B, C:

• Any unforeseen complications (e.g. physical or mental health issues or longer recovery times for mom/baby)
• Grandparents that are able to support during your leaves or even bridge as solo caretakers
• Hired help (e.g. night nurse or nanny) available
• Desires to travel or visit family in another city or country
• Older children, especially if you’re already paying for a nanny for them that can/will also help with the baby
• Birthing parent who has very short maternity leave, or is not returning to work within the first year
• Financial impact e.g. bonus payout if leave is taken in Q4 vs. Q1

Miscellaneous Tips

• A dad that can WFH while his wife is on leave can be invaluable in helping mom, even with 5 minute or 30 minute reprieves. You also won't regret having some bonus mid-day interactions with your baby - even the ones that seem unpleasant at the time, I promise they do even more good than you can imagine.

- Your family can use this sprinkling of extra support to make leave easier for mom in general, but that can also factor into how you decide to take/delay your paternity leave to get the most utility out of it without overburdening the parent that is solo caretaking.

- For days that you (Dad) need to be in the office, come home early as often as you can. Parental leave days can be exhausting and long, and often those last 2 hours of the day can feel the longest, so any early relief would likely be greatly appreciated.

• Particularly for non-Googler dads who don’t have as generous of leave policies, or as supportive of cultures, I have one simple ask/recommendation: If you can, take at least 4 weeks of solo paternity leave. It is a long enough time where you, your spouse, your baby, and society will get >90% of the benefits that you would get taking 10+ weeks of leave.?
• Use PTO - Vacation days accrue while you’re on leave, so be mindful and strategic about how you use your PTO. If you’ve been at your employer for a long time and/or have many days saved, one option is to first use PTO when the baby arrives, then save some or all of your bonding leave to use later e.g. when your partner returns to work.
• Leave Loudly - Make your leave (and subsequent parental involvement & commitment) very public & very normal, e.g.:

- Inform all internal and external partners about your upcoming leave, telling them you will be completely offline and unreachable

- Include an OOO description that asserts the purpose of your leave to bond with your baby and support your family

- Upon return to work, make it clear when you are leaving the office or unable to participate in early/late meetings & events due to family obligations

• Embrace Leave as an opportunity for reports & peers to step up and further develop their careers.

- Read about Mel Silva's (Google VP) leave experience and learnings from her 12-month parental leave, and how it created leadership and growth opportunities for numerous people in her org.

- Look for colleagues that are seeking a growth opportunity and can step up to fill your role as a bungee or even parts of it in a 20% capacity.

• If you absolutely cannot take any meaningful amount of paternity leave, look for ways to replicate the experience in shorter bursts to maximize baby bonding and increase empathy with your spouse. Send your wife away on weekends (even a few hours helps) so you are solo with your child. Forcing yourself to deal with all the highs and lows of caretaking is invaluable and irreplaceable.

FAQs:

Q: I’m anxious about taking my full leave. Will my manager or my team judge me? Will it affect my performance review or promo trajectory?

A: If you’re relatively new, a good first step is to understand if managers or ICs in your org have taken long durations of their paternity leaves. If this is a cultural norm in your org, there should be less concern that you will be judged for it. Beyond that, you should work with your manager to come up with a coverage plan.?

Sources & Resources:

• 6 things to consider before taking a split parental leave - Parentaly Blog
• Parentaly Tips for Managers Taking Leave ?
• Paternity Leave Has Long-Lasting Benefits. So Why Don’t More American Men Take It? - The New York Times : Men who take leave are less likely to get divorced, and have better relationships with their children, research shows.
• DOL Policy Brief: Paternity Leave - Why Parental Leave For Fathers Is So Important For Working Families “Longer paternity leaves are associated with increased father engagement and bonding”
• Comparative Perspectives on Work-Life Balance and Gender Equality - Fathers on Leave Alone “Recent large-scale longitudinal studies have suggested that solo caring of at least one month’s duration can have lasting effects on fathers’ engagement in child care.”
• Brooklyn Dad on Leave - Weekly Blog from my 12-week paternity leave
• The Fatherly Guide to Parental Leave & How to Prepare for Paternity Leave ?

*This document and most of these resources/efforts are intended to support all genders and family structures, but as the research shows, most of the greatest challenges and imbalances still occur in 2-parent cis-gender heterosexual families. To maximize brevity and use language that will best resonate with our target audience, we regularly use gendered language like “dads” and “moms”.