A Patent Leather Rat

A Patent Leather Rat

Before dawn the San Francisco waterfront diner was empty. Except for the kitchen lights the diner was dark, the chairs upside down on tables.

My name is Tom Harp. Working alone I poached eggs and grilled home fries for the morning’s breakfast. On the diner’s music system, Bill Evans played?“Some Other Time”. I liked the way the?piano spoke to?me.?

The clock on the wall read 4:45 when the front door opened and a woman walked in. The good looking blond had a bloused eye and a bruised cheek. Before I could tell her the restaurant was closed, the woman announced the need to use the lavatory and went to do that.

She returned to the counter, walking the way a classy woman will when she’s wearing a tight black dress and heels. A beauty despite the banged up face, she took a seat at the counter and smiled.

She said, “Morning, handsome.”

I said, “Sorry, I’m not open.”

“You want me to leave?”

I looked at her face and she half-turned her head to hide the bruising.

I said, “How about some coffee?”

“You’re not kicking me out?”

“Not yet.”

“Where are you from?”

“Why?”

“Your accent.”

“Texas.”

“Coffee would be great.”

I poured her a cup. While she nursed the coffee, I placed two pills and a glass of water on a napkin. The woman looked at the pills and at me.???

“Aspirin,” I said. “None of my business but what happened?”

“You’re right.” She took the aspirins without water and touched her swollen cheek.

I filled a baggie with ice, set it on the counter and said, “It’ll bring down the swelling.”

She held the ice bag under the bad eye. “You’re a regular Boy Scout.”

I noticed the fat diamond on her right hand and went back to work. I felt her watching me. Using a?spatula, I turned the onions and potatoes sizzling on the griddle top.?

???????????She said, “I knew a Boy Scout once.”??

???????????With my back to her, I concentrated on lifting the poached eggs, one by one, out of simmering water and setting the eggs in an ice bath that?looked like a collection of large yellow eyes floating in the pan.

???????????“He tied knots and earned badges. He could pitch a tent and use a compass at night. Even start a fire by rubbing sticks together. You know, all that good scouting shit. His mother drove him to meetings, even ironed his uniforms. And guess what?”

I glanced over my shoulder.

“He still lives at home. All that map reading and the overnight hikes, he couldn’t find his way out of Mommy’s front door.” The woman put down the ice bag, drank some coffee and said, “What are you doing?”

“Poaching eggs for breakfast.”

“You serve them cold?”

“I get an order for eggs Benedict or hash and eggs, all I have to do is slide them back in hot water for about a minute or so. Saves a lot of time.”

“That’s a lot of eggs.”

???????????“We can get pretty busy. Sometimes I’ll go through two, maybe three pans in a morning.”

???????????“I never knew you could do that.”

???????????“You hungry?”

???????????She was looking at the scars on my face and neck. I thought her eyes were kind and somehow lonely.

???????????She said, “I think I’d eat anything you wanted to put in my mouth. Oh Christ, did I say that?”

I smiled.

Embarrassed, she laughed and covered her mouth. “I’m sorry, how rude, I’m talking too much; Roxanne Zacky.” She extended her hand.

“Tom Harp.” We shook hands.

I believed she needed more than aspirin and ice. Maybe a doctor.?I said, “Come on, you want something to eat? Eggs, toast? No charge.”

“No charge?”

“Looks like you could use some food. I’ve got some freshly cut fruit. How about an English muffin?”

“You don’t give up, do you?”

????????????Roxanne Zacky glanced at the clock on the wall and at the chairs upside down on tables. “Thank you but it’s getting late, I think I should go.”

???????????“How about a little more coffee?”

???????????“Okay, sure, Scout. I bet you were a Scout, weren’t you?” She was about to say something else when the headlights of a car pulled into the diner’s parking lot. She turned, saw the car and was off the stool in a flash and running toward the back of the diner, fast in heels and the tight dress.

???????????Instinct told me to ditch the ice bag. I was reaching for her coffee cup when a big man in a tuxedo opened the door. He had a fat lip and his bow tie was crooked.????

I said, “Sorry, we’re not open.”

???????????The man walked in. Tall enough that he had to duck his head to clear the doorway, he looked vaguely familiar but I couldn’t place him. Taking his time to look around he came up to the counter.

????????????“Closed,” I said.

“Don’t worry I’m not going to rob you.”

“You wouldn’t get much.”

“I’m looking for someone, a pretty blond.”

“He’s not here.”

The guy made a face something between a grimace and smile and?said, “She.”

“Nobody here but me.”

“Just you, huh?”

???????????The man had scar tissue welded across his forehead and nose, pale grey eyes and a smile that was mostly a show of teeth. His lower lip puffed up like somebody might have slugged him.?He said, “What’s your name?”

“Tom Harp,” I said, getting tired of introducing myself.

“Tell me, Harp, a woman didn’t come in here?”

I shook my head.

He said, “I think you’re lying.”

“Think what you want.”

“Mind if I look around?”

???????????“I do.”?

“She’s a good friend and maybe a little fucked up, I think she was in an accident.”

I took another look at his fat lip. “You in the same accident?”

“I’m going to look around,” he said.

“I think you should leave.”

“Or what?” He looked at the door. “Door’s unlocked, coffee cup’s on the counter. I just want to talk to her.”

“There’s just me.”

“You’re not much. Come on, Harpo.” He looked over at the bundled stacks of newspapers inside the door.

“Tell you what,” I said, “There’s been an accident, I’ll call the cops.”

???????????Reaching inside his tux jacket, he came out with a wallet, opened it and tossed a hundred dollar bill on the counter. “Now how about you go back to cooking and let me look around?”?

???????????I shook my head.

???????????“No?” He indicated the cleaver on a cutting board. “What’s that for?”

???????????I shrugged. “Crushing garlic, chopping onions-- killing rats.”

???????????“You got rats?”

???????????“Not anymore.”

???????????“What do you do, throw it at them?”

???????????I said, “Let me see your shoe.”

???????????The big man blinked, stepped back and lifted a foot.

???????????Leaning over the counter I eyed the canoe-sized black patent leather dress shoe. “What, a fourteen?”

???????????“Sixteen.”

???????????“That’s a big rat. Take it off and put it on the floor over there.”

???????????“What are you going to do?”

???????????“Show you how to kill a rat.”

???????????“You can do it from there?”

???????????“Usually.”

???????????“What are you, Davy Crockett?”

???????????“Go ahead, take it off.”

???????????He looked at his shoe, thought about it for maybe two seconds and said, “They’re eight hundred dollar Giorgio Armani’s.”

???????????“I kill the rat I keep the hundred dollars.”

???????????The man looked at his money on the counter. “You gotta be kidding.”

???????????I picked up the cleaver. “Your call.”

???????????He hesitated. “What do I get?”

???????????“Your fancy shoe in one piece or go home in socks.”

???????????Leaving his shoes on, he placed both feet on the floor and straightened to his full height. “So, Harpo’s a tough guy? Maybe not as tough as he thinks.”

???????????“I hope not.”

???????????He nodded at the cup on the counter. “Whose coffee?”

???????????“What do you care?”

???????????The man shrugged. “Simple question.”

???????????I put down the cleaver. “Lady who delivers the papers.”

???????????“Lipstick?”?

???????????“Pretty, too.”

???????????“Them Mex’s haul ass with the papers. This time of morning they don’t stop for red lights, much less coffee.”

???????????“She’s Chinese.”

???????????Waiting for a sound to come from the back of the restaurant, I kept my eyes from drifting in that direction.?

???????????The man said, “Know who I am?”

???????????I shook my head.

???????????“Jim Zacky.”??

????????????Putting the name and face together, I nodded. “That’s it, you played for the Steelers and Eagles. Finished with the Niners. Sure, the Zack Attack. Defensive end, All-Pro. What do you do now?”

???????????“I’m an attorney. Hey Tom, look, let’s start over. I’m a friend of the court, okay? And I’ll be honest, the woman I’m looking for is my daughter.”

???????????“Sorry Mr. Zacky, your daughter’s not here.”

???????????“She’s a former Miss Kentucky and this is no place for her to be in the middle of the night. I only want to talk to her.”

???????????“Good luck.”??

???????????“Can I use the bathroom?”?

???????????Before I could answer, Zacky headed to the rear of the diner. I followed him. This was starting to get in the way of work.

The men’s and ladies’ rooms were side by side. Zacky opened the men’s. Nothing. He knocked on the ladies’ door and said, “Roxanne? It’s me, honey. Come out, everything’s going to be all right.”???

???????????At least six inches taller than I, Zacky looked down at me and opened the door. I held my breath. The ladies’ room was empty. The ex-NFL defensive end bumped me aside with the power and nonchalance of a passing steer. Shaking a locked door, he said., “What’s in here?”

???????????“Dry storage.”

???????????“Got a key?”

???????????“You want a can of beans or applesauce, break it down.”??

???????????“Comedian,” he said, looking like he was ready to throw a punch. Instead, he went to the double doors that led to the patio, opened one and stuck his head out. Walking back to the counter, he pocketed his hundred dollar bill.?

???????????“Thanks for the help, Harpo, be seeing you.”

???????????“I’ll be here.”

???????????Before his taillights cleared the parking lot, I locked the front door. Two intruders in one morning were enough. Going out on the fogged patio, the lights gave me nothing. A rat scurried under the bamboo fence, a pelican on the roof turned its prehistoric head.

??????