Pat on the back, R&R...

I admired the watch on my wrist. My very own Fossil, gifted to me on my birthday.

Gifted by Usha, to Usha, for a year of solid professional success and for closing a challenging assignment to the client's satisfaction.

These days, I celebrate my small successes with small gifts to myself. Large one with bigger gifts. The best praise and recognition for improvements made come from me to me.

I am prone to admiring the Mandalas I draw. I comment on the beauty of the design and the vibrancy of the colors. I place every new mandala I make on the table for a few days so that I can admire it often.

I buy myself flowers, whenever I feel I need to be cherished and shown that I am special.

I was not made this way. I grew up in a family where appreciation isn't something one gets. If you did a good job, you were not reprimanded. That's appreciation enough.

So, I grew up hungry for appreciation, like a majority of Indian kids no doubt.

From my boss, my spouse, my child, my friends, from my team members - I eagerly looked for appreciation every time I felt I deserved it, when I did something well or achieved a milestone.

Some of the time, I got it. Often, I did not.

When I was appreciated, when I was rewarded, I felt on top of the world. When I went unnoticed, I was upset. I felt wronged, I felt cheated. My motivation levels dipped.

In the professional arena, I pretended it didn't matter and would not show it, but it hurt.

At home, I would drop hints, and when nothing happened, I would have an emotional outburst.

A few years ago, I had a light-bulb moment one day. I can't remember what triggered it - possibly something that I was reading or something someone said.

I decided that from that day on, I was going to reward and appreciate myself whenever I felt I deserved it. I was not going to wait for anyone else to do it - in fact, it didn't matter if no one noticed my win or my great work.

So when I cooked something exceptional, I told Rangaraj what a great cook I was, and how well I cooked! I took time to relish my own food.

When I designed a good solution for the client and they implemented it, it didnt matter if the client offered me praise. I rewarded myself, told myself I was good!

When I drew a beautiful mandala, I clicked pictures and kept it on my phone so I could see it and rejoice in my creation.

When I saw something I wanted, I promised it as a gift to myself for my next big achievement. That is how I bought myself the watch I had coveted for decades.

Funny, this technique has worked wonders on my levels of self-esteem. The joy I get from moments of triumph, from small and large victories and milestones has grown.

I don't depend on others to see it and acknowledge or praise me. It does not bother me as much when others dont notice my acheivement. There is no disappointment to mar the happy moment. I am always joyful in my moments of triumph.

I give myself what I expect to get.

I am comfortable speaking about my win if I feel I should - no embarassment there.

I am not suggesting that managers should stop noticing team members and recognizing them; I am not suggesting that parents stop acknowledging the accomplishments of their children; I am not suggesting that organizations stop reward and recognition programs - after all, if everyone can provide their reward and recognition, where is the need to spend money ...

I am suggesting that as individuals, you adopt the art of self-appreciation. You start making the effort to notice your successes and wins, small and large.

Pat yourself on the back, and reward yourself. Put a post on Insta if that is your thing. Buy yourself flowers, give yourself a spa day, go get that ticket to the cricket match.

You will experience growth in self-confidence and motivation to excel. I now seek challenges and milestone to achieve, giving me reasons to celebrate, to praise, to reward.

I also notice that these days, I am liberal in praising others. I look for opportunities to appreciate people, for ways to reward them and watch them glow. Self-appreciation seems to breed and grow the habit of appreciating others too.

I can hear Rangaraj and Ashwin snickering in the background 'She just wants to justify spending money on herself'...

#appreciation #selfmotivation #selfesteem #selflove #personalgrowth #rewardandrecognition