Pastors, Boundaries, Accountability, and the Role of the Church

The role of pastor is a sacred calling that puts an expectation of moral superiority on the individual holding that title. The unusual kind of pressure to be someone always above reproach can become a heavy burden to bear (New Living Translation [NLT], 2015, Titus 1:6–9). Carrying that kind of burden is why it is so important that those individuals holding the position of pastor are careful to surround themselves with individuals who can help to keep them accountable to the call of God on their life while also helping them to maintain boundaries that keep them from forgetting where they end and where the job begins. Part of creating these boundaries and taking responsibility for one’s self is understanding “what is our job, and what isn’t” (Cloud & Townsend, 1992, p. 26). When an individual takes on things that are outside of their realm of control or understanding, they begin the process of burnout and will limit their ability to do the things that are within their control (Cloud & Townsend, 1992). When an individual begins to move toward burnout due to lacking of boundaries or allowing boundaries to be crossed, all of their striving and struggling results in very little progress and the sobering reality that no one can do it all (Cloud & Townsend, 1992).

When individuals allow their boundaries to be crossed, they can go from one extreme of doing everything for everyone, to swinging the pendulum in the complete opposite direction and becoming self-centered and, in extremes, narcissistic in an attempt to regain control of their world. The desire to be seen as competent and successful while also desiring a sense of autonomy and balance in their personal life can create an inner turmoil that can lead to addiction, abuse, and burnout. We see examples of this in Ravi Zacharius, Blaine Bartell, Carl Lentz, and countless others who, in their own desires to “have it all,” lost it all while also causing shockwaves that affected their churches, their communities, and the body of Christ at large.

Merriam Webster (n.d.) defines boundary as “something that indicates or fixes a limit or extent” (para. 1). Many times in ministry, there is a lack of understanding individual limits. There is a saying I heard in college: “There is no such thing as part-time work in ministry, only part-time pay” (Anonymous). Having a boundary-less mentality allows for individuals to be continually put upon without consideration of their ability to manage their time, finances, and personal well-being. “God wants us to take care of ourselves so that we can help others without moving into a crisis ourselves” (Cloud & Townsend, 1992, p. 60).

What we see in many of the samples of those who have fallen from grace is that they have neglected to address their own humanity and instead let the power of their position lead them to feeling invincible and rejecting the necessity of accountability. We have seen this play out since the beginning of creation, when Adam and Eve chose to eat the fruit of the tree of the knowledge of good and evil (NLT, 2015, Gen. 3). Cloud and Townsend (1992) explained this when they said,

“Depravity is what we inherited from Adam and Eve. It is our resistance to being creatures under God, our resistance to humility. It’s a refusal to accept our position and a lust for being omnipotent and “in charge,” not needing anyone and not accountable to anyone.” (p. 84)

According to Webster’s Dictionary (n. d.), accountability is “the action of taking responsibility for one’s actions” (para. 1). Therefore, when a leader becomes accountable to another person, they are allowing that person to hold them accountable for their actions both in public and in private. When a leader is unable or unwilling to come under the accountability of another, they become an entity unto themselves

The key to having effective accountability is ensuring that there are proper boundaries in place. The Bible calls all Christians to submit to one another out of reverence for Christ (NLT, 2015, Ephesians 5:21). When we refuse to obey this command, leaders can become controlling, combative, or dismissive in an attempt to deflect from their own insecurities and struggles.

Throughout my own research of Assemblies of God Pastors under 40, I saw how common stories of Christian leaders failures are. One of the survey respondents, when asked if their church actively required or assisted in maintaining accountability stated, “No, I don’t even know what that would look like” . This reality was stated in various ways by many of the survey participants and helped to understand why the number of pastors who have dealt with sexual misconduct is common.

One of the more promising statistics that came out of the research was the percentage of pastors who actively participated in accountability and therapy on a regular basis with 51.9% of all participants saying that they had both an accountability partner and a mental health therapist . Over 50% said that they meet with their accountability partner or therapist on a weekly or monthly basis with another 30–40% saying that they meet with them as needed. Having this regular time set aside to engage with someone in a safe space where you are able to address personal issues or discuss frustrations with an individual who has the tools to help you to navigate those issues can make the difference between an issue having a chance to be resolved and an issue growing unmanageable.

Some of the more practical applications that came out of the survey in regards to boundaries around time both at work and at home were having a dedicated Sabbath day where they are able to disconnect from work. Another was having a work phone that was able to be shut off after work hours and allow their personal phone to be just that, personal. Still others shared that they limit their total work hours to 40 or 50 hours a week and have disciplined themselves to walk away when they arrive at that threshold to give time for their personal life. However, 42% of participants either said that they had no boundaries or couldn’t provide any examples of practical boundaries in regards to how they spend their time. Ensuring that there is a balance between time spent at work and time spent as an individual and with friends and family can keep a pastor grounded in reality and allow them to decompress from the stress of the job.

When asked about boundaries regarding screens, 63% participants shared that they had a practical boundary around screens and how they use them in their day to day life. A common theme was technology limits, whether through setting time limits for apps, rating limits on what they watch, or using filtering software. Others shared that they have boundaries around when and where they use their phone, such as not allowing themselves to use their phones while in bed or at the dinner table. Still others shared that, although they may not have time limits for or time-limiting software on their screens, they allow their spouse to have total access, and they limit what types of apps they use such as Snapchat or other messaging apps. Others also mentioned that they shut phones off or put limits on what notifications they can receive after work hours. Others noted that they do not feel the need to set boundaries, as screens and pornography are not an issue from them. This line of thinking is something that this researcher finds dangerous because, although an individual may not have an issue with pornography or other screen-related sexual issues, it does not mean that it could not develop or that having boundaries for technology are not needed. The last third said that they had no boundaries around screens whatsoever. This, again, is a bit of a concerning trend as screens and technology allow access to a multitude of opportunities to engage in temptations if left unchecked.

Participants were then asked about what boundaries they place around time with family and friends. This was the most promising set of responses as 72% of participants were able to provide real practical examples. Some of these included having a dedicated family day and turning off phones or putting them on silent while spending time with friends and family. Others shared that they had dedicated date nights with their spouse or fiancé while others had set aside time for self-care or to spend time alone to recharge. One of the more concerning elements for this researcher was that out of the nine participants that said they had no boundaries around family time, six were married. Although having time for self-care and spending intentional time with friends and family is important for everyone, it is even more important for those who are married. Making intentional time for your spouse and making your marriage a priority can be make or break for any marriage. If children are involved, they also need to know that there is space in the week that is set aside for them and that they are a priority for their parents.

Finally, participants were asked specific questions regarding social media. Of the participants, 87% had at least two forms of social media, with every participant having a Facebook account. Some of the specific questions regarded the participant’s willingness to friend minors or individuals of the opposite gender. 89% of participants had a practical boundary including having specific limits on whom they friended, sharing passwords with spouses, or limiting the time of day that they engage on social media to minimize the temptation. With social media being one of the more common ways that affairs can develop, the importance of accountability and boundaries in this area cannot be understated. Overall, the majority of the participants were aware of how important having boundaries were in these various areas and were able to provide practical applications. However, there is still room for improvement and systemization to create a cohesive set of boundaries that can address the whole person.

When it came to personal struggles, 20% of Participants shared that they had had to address a personal sexual issue while serving in ministry. This group of individuals demonstrated some unique traits compared to the other participants in that this group had a deeper understanding of the need for boundaries and accountability and how the lack of boundaries can immediately affect all aspects of one’s life. Of those participants, 81% had been restored to full-time ministry with the other 19% sharing that they had been ostracized by the church. These individuals cited a lack of resources as the reason behind their inability to be restored to the church.

Another unique discovery with this was that only two of the participants served at churches that talk about and equip their staff and volunteers to have boundaries. Although it is unknown if these individuals self-disclosed prior indiscretions to their current church employer, it brings attention to the need of churches to come alongside their staff and volunteers to promote and facilitate boundaries and accountability with the understanding that churches may not be aware of previous issues an individual may have experienced. Out of all of the survey participants, only 16% of participants, including the two mentioned above, served in churches that actively assisted and promoted healthy boundaries and accountability. Two individuals mentioned a couple of rules in regards to interactions with individuals of the opposite gender or other guidelines listed in an employee handbook, but mentioned nothing that was directly related to the individual’s personal and pastoral life.

Two other questions posed to candidates were whether or not they allow individuals of the opposite gender to ride in their car and whether they share their phone number with individuals of the opposite sex. The goal in asking this question was to see if the influence of the “Billy Graham rule” (Taylor, 2018) was still a part of this current generation of pastors. While 55.6% of participants said they do not allow anyone of the opposite gender to ride alone in a car with them, the other 44.4% said they did. In contrast, 87% of participants said that they shared their phone number with the opposite sex, and only 3.7% said that they didn’t. The other 9.07% had caveats around sharing their phone number with members of the opposite sex. It is worth noting that the rules of gender separation is a shift with this new generation of pastors.

Another interesting statistic that came out of this research was that 72.2% of participants shared that they had personally dealt with some sort of personal sexual sin. It is important to realize that individuals who battle with sexual issues are not in the minority. Understanding this fact makes the need for boundaries and accountability a much-needed discussion in the church realm. This was reiterated by the fact that 81.5% were aware of a fellow pastor whom they served with or served under who had dealt with a sexual issue, and 53.7% dealt with that sin while in ministry. These issues ranged from pornography and masturbation to sexual exploitation, rape, and incest.

Of those who had dealt with sexual sin, the research showed that 64.8% were currently serving in a ministry capacity, with the responses regarding how the situations had been handled were varied. 31.3%, were restored to ministry but 28.1% were ostracized. For the other 40.6%, it was either unknown what happened or the individual was unwilling to change or accept responsibility for their actions and chose to walk away from the church. Two participants shared that no action was taken by the church in the situation that they were aware of while another shared that the individual that they work with is currently walking through restoration.

Regarding specific information on what led to individuals being ostracized, the most common responses were that the church lacked resources, the individual refused to walk through the restoration process, or the church had a culture of humiliation and disconnection that prohibited the individual from obtaining restoration should they have sought it out. When an individual is attempting to maintain an identity as a pastor or leader, they can go to great lengths to deny or deflect from those things that would cause them to change the perception of those they are leading (Grentz & Bell, 1995; Ellemers, 2020; Pooler, 2011).

It important to note that when dealing with these issues it is different for every person. For that reason, even if a person has never dealt with a sexual issue, there is a chance that, in a moment of weakness, a person could engage in sexual sin. On the same token, just because someone has dealt with sexual sin in their past does not mean that they are disqualified from ministry or that they are going to engage in that sin in the future. In both cases, providing individuals with opportunities to create healthy boundaries and accountability can go a long way in keeping an individual from engaging in sexual temptations.

The final two questions posed to the participants were the two that were the most intriguing and telling to this researcher. The first question asked participants if their church actively engaged in conversation around boundaries and, if so, to describe them. If the church didn’t engage in these conversations, what would the participant want to see the church develop? The other question was an open-ended question asking participants to share their words of advice to younger pastors looking to set boundaries in their own life. The answers to these questions showed a wide spectrum of thought on the topic along with a wide spectrum of ministerial experience and advice.

Some of the more concerning statistics that came out of the survey were the lack of churches who actively assisted their staff and volunteers in developing boundaries. As mentioned above, of all the participants, only 16% were a part of churches who actively assisted their staff and volunteers in creating boundaries. Some of statements made by participants in this group included, “No, I don’t even know what that would look like,” “Not really, they have Covenant Eyes on the church devices, but my accountability is only sought out of personal desire for it,” and, “I wouldn't want any more intervention.” These types of statements concern this researcher in that there are individuals serving our congregations that either have no resources provided and are left to their own devices, or even worse, we have pastors who have no desire for accountability. In order to maintain a healthy spiritual life and act in a leadership role with correct checks and balances, there has to be a desire for accountability and boundaries; otherwise leaders can find themselves on a slippery slope headed toward narcissism (Cloud & Townsend, 2017; DeGroat, 2020; Scazzero, 2017).

Overall, based on the findings of the survey, the church as a whole is lacking the necessary tools and resources to properly resource their pastors before a sin becomes life altering and is lacking in the resources to deal with situations once they arise. However, it is encouraging to see that there is still a willingness and an understanding among pastors for the need of boundaries and accountability to avoid pastoral burnout and sexual misconduct. This researcher’s hope is that the church will be able to develop a strong framework to come alongside their ministers while there is still an openness and willingness to engage in this type of training and intervention.

As this study has shown, the lack of church involvement means the initial actions need to be taken by pastors themselves. It is the recommendation of this researcher that those who are seeking to enter into ministry take the initiative to take a deep look at individual areas of their life and set their own boundaries that they can carry with them into all areas of their life and ministry in spite of the church they serve.

Churches should have a set of expectations beyond a list of rules in an employee handbook that are implemented and maintained in order to actively assist their pastors in maintaining healthy boundaries and accountability. This should also be done to ensure that no one pastor becomes so insulated that they are unable to have their decisions questioned.

Although the actions of the addiction are what is seen, the deeper root of loneliness and isolation have stood out as unique aspect that pastors face in their role. The research also showed me that those feelings can carry over into an inability to set boundaries and have accountability if it is not something that is being actively promoted and discussed among the church staff. The unhealthy, unspoken expectation of sacrificing yourself for the good of the church leads to an unhealthy identification with the role of pastor, leading to an inability to separate from the job and ultimately an inability to create an individual identity. The church has a long way to go, but I believe that this next generation of pastors is in a spot where, if effective actions is taken, could set a new trajectory within the church to promote healthy boundaries and create a culture of vulnerability and authenticity.

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