Passion, Perspective and Shaping Reality

Recently, I was staying in a friend's beautiful home, and we began a conversation that moved into divergent perspectives on current local and national politics – a topic that few are advised to entertain with friends and family these days.

I found myself quoting statistics from reliable sources that were unconsciously intended to sway my friend toward my “more informed” understanding. While she listened respectfully, I interrupted her two different times, as I was taken aback by her statements that, from my viewpoint, lacked credible source data. I also considered my examples more persuasive than her personal experiences.

My actions were a clear demonstration of what has landed us in our currently divided world: passionate reaction rather than empathic listening and thoughtful responses to diverse perspectives.

My humiliation was not only that my friend was demonstrating the respectful listening that I was not, but that I have taught deep listening skills and constructive conflict over many years, and yet could not seem to follow the models I intimately know and have practiced.

How is that even possible? Why do any of us who claim to be conscious get caught up in these polarities, worried about others who do not embrace our way?

First, certain invisible influences impact us as human beings, whether or not we are aware of them, making it much more challenging to detach from our emotions. These include the intensity of astronomical events, like our current eclipse season , as well as astrological passages that influence out-of-sync communication, impatience, and strong emotions.

It helps me to remember that these influences are in play, and to coach myself into saying less and listening more, while noticing how my body is reacting to a polarized opinion that may even offend my sensibilities. It takes discipline to notice my emotional reactions without expressing them in the moment. It takes remembering that the other person and our relationship is more important than any difference of opinion.

In addition, it takes understanding about why we are on different sides of an issue.

From my experience, the divisions among us reflect our varying preferences regarding these four aspects that shape our reality:

1. Individual rights and agency vs. policies for the collective good
2. Inclusivity vs. exclusivity
3. Stability vs. proactive risk-taking
4. Maintaining control through the familiar ways of our past experience vs. testing new possibilities that embrace new possible uncertainty brought by uncontrollable variables such as AI, climate change, and geopolitics

These four elements define our relationships with ourselves, each other, the communities we join, and our work. Sometimes, we are at odds with each other out of fear that the widespread acceptance of other points of view will destroy the world as we know it and/or want it.

Often, we sincerely want our loved ones and others to understand what is important about what we believe—about the benefits of our vision for the world. Sometimes, we fight about it, sometimes we protest about it, sometimes we want to strong-arm others to our point of view, sometimes we stop caring and ignore it, and sometimes we go to war about it.

In my decades-long experience consulting with business leaders during enterprise-wide transformations, it has long been recognized that a key factor in surviving and thriving in the new economy is the formation of teams composed of members representing diverse backgrounds, experiences, outlooks, and relationships with customers.

We recruit team members who value stability, appreciate traditions that have proven successful in sustaining the company through challenges, and who may be resistant to change. Simultaneously, we seek out innovators who champion the integration of unexpected or unconventional partnerships to bolster the company's industry leadership and competitive edge. Additionally, we include influencers who embrace change, as well as those adept at honoring diverse viewpoints and leading teams effectively. This diversity ensures that the best possible information is brought to the table.

We then guide teams in dialogue and decision-making processes, providing frameworks, models, and tools that foster constructive conflict resolution. Our goal is for team members to feel respected as they express their perspectives, even if the eventual outcome does not align with their preferred ideas or researched data.

If, as a global society, we collectively upheld the value of civil and civic dialogue as a means to advance greater mutual prosperity, we would prioritize teaching and practicing deep listening and respectful acknowledgment of diverse individuals and viewpoints. If our shared objective were the same – ?to achieve outcomes through a process where everyone feels fairly received and heard, rather than resorting to coercive tactics to impose our will, we would likely see a reduction in dysfunctional conflict and violence – less polarity, more paradox of both/and.

As the energy on earth and our emotions intensify, we face a critical choice: to adopt practices and tools that foster greater respect and constructive conflict resolution or risk destroying relationships and harming each other, resulting in unsustainable outcomes.

When I worked at Kearney, Inc ., this imperative was recognized early on, as we wrestled with how to balance the unique cultural differences of offices in different countries while promoting a sense of unity as one company. It was about honoring individual differences, while recognizing our shared humanity and working toward collaborative solutions.

Today that is the most important focus for building a better world.

Now, if only I could remember that…