Pass The Baton

What the hell!? Who are these idiots? What is wrong with these people?

Not gonna lie, these are some of the very first thoughts I had as the election results were coming in.

Moving into “I’m right, you’re wrong” mentality is so easy to do. It sure makes you feel better doesn’t it? Creating a hierarchy so that you can sit at the top of it.

This happens all the time – it happens within communities even. There is a hierarchy within the LGBTQ+ community, there is hierarchy within the black community, within the educational system, and on and on.?How do we make ourselves feel better??We point the finger and give reasons why WE are better than THEM.

I was in my head and I could feel it.

I was trying to figure out how this current situation came to be, and my instinct was to point the finger. I may be a coach, but I’m still human.

I went for a walk the day after the election to find some kind of grounding. I eventually found myself sitting on a bench looking at the open sky and empty baseball fields. I looked to my right and saw a man about 20 feet away sitting on a bench. He looked my way and I said hi. He starts talking to me, and then he comes over to sit next to me. Part of me wonders what he wants – I mean this?is?Brooklyn. He starts to tell me that no one ever says hi to him, and worse than that, they act as if he’s a threat because he has dark skin. He points at the golden engraved plaque on the back of the bench I’m sitting on, and starts talking to me about his life. He talks about his deceased wife, deceased son and shares pictures from his tiny cell phone to bring them to life. I didn’t know where it was all gonna go, but at the same time I knew exactly what this conversation was all about.?He was yearning to be heard, to be seen, to be listened to.?Soon, the dog he was walking indicated it was time to keep on moving, and so he went on with his day.

I look back at the blue sky, zoom out of my life and quickly snapped out of my blame game.

I remember the truth of what brings me back to equilibrium, back to peace…

PASSING THE BATON FROM MY HEAD TO MY HEART.

The isn’t always easy, but it’s simple. The man in the park made it a whole lot easier.

The counter to all hate is not anger, rage, shame or blame.

I’m not saying don’t FEEL ANGER or RAGE or every other emotion that’s still swirling. What I’m saying is feel those things, and come back to your heart space.

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The true resistance is to allow yourself to keep your heart open.

You give yourself permission to feel - so you can actually process things.

And also give yourself grace, so you can give others true grace in return.

I closed my eyes on that bench and I remembered ‘everyone is doing the best that they can’.

I sink back into the truth; people are hurting and they are scared. People don’t have the tools. The tools to make a change, the tools to know how else to be, to not let fear run their life, and perhaps most importantly the tools for their own self-compassion and self-love.

This way of thinking was embedded into me as a child. Even when I was treated poorly by other kids, something deep within me led with empathy. I chose to believe that these kids didn’t have the tools to let out their own frustrations and pain in healthy ways.

I’ve doubled down on this way of thinking as I’ve gotten older because I’ve come to believe that?there are always reasons why people don’t act in loving ways to themselves or others. I’m not saying that hate is ok, I’m not saying that people who act destructively shouldn’t be held accountable for their behavior. What I?am?saying, is that we are all doing the best we can.

When I remember this, I can gently remind my brain to pass the baton to my heart.

So that I can re-discover my compassion.

So that I can soften.

So that I can spend time understanding my own internal workings.

Because moving forward in resentment, in placing blame, and being in my head will lead me down a path that serves NO ONE.

Staying in our head leads to missed opportunities for connection, it leads to bitterness, it leads to numbing, loneliness, and a host of other places. It might even lead to a place of hopelessness.

If moving your operating system from your head to your heart sounds like a whole lot of woo-woo bullshit … my challenge to you is to try it. Try it in your next meeting, in your next conversation with the person on the other side of the aisle, with the person you have a whole lot of baggage with. Feel your shoulders relax. Feel your brows unfurrow. Find the ease in going downstream, versus your constant battle upstream, because your head has been running the show.

If you’re looking for answers to what to do now to create the future you want for yourself - or for your country - the immediate next step is simple, but not easy.

Pass the baton from your head to your heart.

Let me know what gets revealed when you do.

What Now??

If you’re looking to bring a more heart-centered approach to your own leadership, your team, or your upcoming gathering, there are many ways I can support you in this. My services are designed to unlock growth and potential at the deepest layers, while putting our shared humanity at the center of it all.?

Sample Formats:

·? ? ??The Unlock Lab – facilitated conversations with teams?

·? ? ??Professional Development Series Workshops

·? ? ??Keynote talks / Breakout sessions (for conferences / retreats / etc.)

·? ? ??1:1 Career / Leadership Transformation Coaching

Most Requested Topics:

·? ? ??Unapologetic Advocacy for a New Tomorrow

·? ? ??Goodbye Inner Critics, Hello Inner Confidence

·? ? ??Discovering the Golden Thread of Your Personal Brand

·? ? ??Resilience in the Workplace: Redefining Success On Your Terms

To inquire possibilities, email me at:?[email protected]

You're Invited: Discover the Golden Thread of Your Personal Brand

Date: December 4th, 2024 - VIRTUAL

You ready to take even bigger action on your goals and the impact you want to have in the world? Learn why managing your personal brand is key to your future success, no matter where you are on your career path our journey to volunteer to do more. Discover new ways to see your unique story, and how what you’ve been omitting may be hiding your superpowers. Put on by Ellevate Toronto Community you can register?here, even if you aren't a member.

November celebrates the?1-year anniversary?of my podcast!

I picked just a few that I thought might best support you in the times that we’re in.?

Ep. 37 - 39 Influencing Change (3-part Series) (Listen on?Apple?or?Spotify)

In this episode 37, I kick off part one of the series on influencing change. Because we just all love and embrace change, right? HA! I talk about the dual nature of influence – how we can be strong agents of change but that we also have to recognize that we can’t control outcomes or how others respond. Join me as I explore how embracing our power and accepting uncertainty can help us create the meaningful changes we’re all after in our lives.

Ep. 36 Inner Critic Series: Limiting Beliefs (Listen on?Apple?or?Spotify)

In this episode, I discuss how limiting beliefs impact our lives. I share personal stories about how I broke free from those doubts so that you can do the same thing. I also give you tips for silencing that inner critic that loves to drag us down. When you start to trust yourself and stay open to possibilities, amazing things can happen. So if you’re ready to shake off what’s been keeping you from shining, and step more fully into your power, this episode is for you!

Ep. 2 Dismantling Your Walls of Self-Protection (Listen on?Apple?or?Spotify)

Healthy boundaries and destructive walls are two different things, and this episode helps you understand the difference.

Thanks for being here - for all you are doing to show up for yourself and your community right now. One step at a time is how all progress and transformation ever comes to be. Keep going, keep shining your light, keep getting back up again because everything and anything is possible, always. No future can be written before it's created.?

Cheers to open hearts,

Tosca DiMatteo