Party of One - or, the Art of Flying Solo

Let me preface this by saying I love people. Unequivocally. I am a people person. A (mostly) extrovert – meaning I definitely have some introverted tendencies, but I lean more heavily to the other side. People energize me. I don’t know a stranger. I can talk to anyone. Anytime. About almost anything.?

And also, I have friends. A lot of amazing friends and a really strong tribe. I have friends I’ve known most of my life, friends from church, friends from the gym, friends who are more like family.

All that said, I?love?to be alone. But not just alone as most would understand it – I love to be alone with myself, with myself as my company, my companion, my plus one if you will. Alone in a crowd. On vacation. Surrounded by people, but alone.?

There are a few different definitions for “alone.” The one most folks probably think of is “having no one else present.”, as in?“she was alone that evening”?or “on one’s own” as in,?“she lives alone.”?(by the way, I do, and it’s magnificent!)

When I think of alone though, I think more of the less common definition: “without others’ help or participation; single-handedly.”?A common phrase we say is that someone will “go it alone”, as in,?they will act by oneself without assistance.

Let me back up a bit. I became a single mom at 26. Almost overnight, unexpectedly and rather dramatically.?I went from being part of a family unit, an “other half”, to being alone. Like ALONE alone. Well – alone with a brand new baby. I was alone. I never woke up and consciously thought, I am going to start?going it alone. No, but suddenly my life became that of actually doing things on my own and learning to survive “without others’ help or participation”.?Single-handedly.?

I spent a lot of years going it alone and learning to operate without the assistance of others. During those years, I learned a lot about being alone and how “alone” does not always equal “lonely.” I came to realize, without even realizing it, that there was great power and freedom in being comfortable?in my aloneness.??

Fast forward two decades, and you will see me as the girl at the bar with her laptop, answering emails at the end of the work day.??

The girl at the gas station in the middle of nowhere fueling up for the next leg of her solo road trip.

The girl strapping on her boots and board at the base of the mountain, ready to shred the pow, but flying solo.?

I do a lot of things alone for a lot of reasons. Sometimes, it’s as simple as just wanting to get out of the house and so I’ll go to my friendly neighborhood brewery (like I am right now as I am writing this) and feed off the energy of the people and conversations around me. Sometimes, it’s a concert coming to town that I will not miss and I don’t give a second thought to “I need to find someone else to go with me” before I buy this ticket. Sometimes it’s a weekend free and the open road and a full tank of gas to get a change of scenery.?

When the Chiefs played the Patriots in the AFC Championship game, January of 2019, it was the first time we had ever hosted that game at Arrowhead. I was living in Denver at the time, but this was history and of course I had to be there. I bought a solo ticket and drove to Kansas City, and went to the game. Alone. Solo. With 70,000 of my closest friends. The thought never occurred to me to find someone to go with me. I had to be there. So I went.

Recently I got the privilege of seeing Morgan Wallen in concert. After two years of not touring, thanks to the pandemic and his rapid rise to fame, it was not a cheap ticket. But I found a front row single seat, and I bought it for more money than I would have typically spent on a concert ticket. When I got there that night, I was seated next to a couple of younger girls – maybe 19 or 20. They couldn’t believe I was there alone. One of these girls said to me, “That is so brave.”

That really struck me.?Is it brave to be alone? To do something that makes you happy, brings you joy, maybe even sets your soul on fire, all by yourself? Is that brave? Or is it just actually living? If I waited to find someone to do something with me,?every time there was an opportunity, I would be sitting at home,?still?alone, missing out on events and opportunities I would be wishing I was at.?

I ended a pretty toxic relationship about six months ago, and one of the things I have found a lot of value / power / growth in, is being?intentionally single.?For several months, I have been, if you will, consciously uncoupled. And here’s the thing – I kind of really love it. I do things and go places and plan trips because I want to. I don’t have to ask permission or see if someone’s schedule allows for it. I just go. I do. I date myself. I vacation alone. I go to bars and concerts and events, solo. And I love it.?

I don’t think I’ll be alone forever. I think I will find love again. But here’s the thing – even if I don’t – I have found the ability to be comfortable in my aloneness. I love my life, my dogs, my family, my friends. I find fulfillment in my faith, the gym, my career, my dreams and?pursuing my vision. And I can do all those things alone. They don’t require a partner or a plus one. I feel like we live in a culture of people afraid of being alone and so they jump from relationship to relationship and pack their calendars full so they don’t ever have to be bored.?

I would challenge you to take a beat and allow yourself to be alone every now and then. Even if you are happily partnered up – take time for you. Start small if you have to. Go to a movie (it’s dark, no one will even realize you are there alone!), find a seat at a coffee shop and just be – no computer, no phone, just sit with yourself. Go on a walk or to the dog park or for a hike. And then – venture out! Take yourself on a date, a weekend getaway.?If we are so scared to be alone with ourselves, what does that say? You know yourself better than anyone and you’re pretty awesome.?

I know I am different – I am a dreamer and have a spirit of adventure. Not everyone is built that way. But the fear of being alone can cripple you. There is freedom and power and joy in loving your own company and being content with that. Don’t be afraid to be a party of one, every now and then. I promise you won’t be disappointed.