Part Three: Free at last…

The last nine months I’ve been working hard, daily to get my life aligned again, to find balance, to find myself back again and finally all signs look green.

It’s April 2024 and the depression I’ve been struggling with looks like it’s behind me. The therapy I’ve been following in combination with medication seem to have done their work. The last weeks of therapy have shown that I’ve been able to control the thoughts that depression brings. I haven’t been thinking about all the negative things that controlled my life in such an intense manner these last months.

This episode in my life seems to have ended but I’m still hesitant to shout out loud that I am cured. Every time people ask me about the current situation, I answer that I’m doing well, very well but it’s always followed by ‘Knock on wood’. For now, I’m sure it’s gone but I’m still very much afraid it could come back in a split second. This feeling will hopefully die down in the upcoming period.

I’m no stranger to hard work but I’m convinced that I have never in my life worked this hard to get my life back. My life in the past months has been aimed at getting my life back and I succeeded or so it seems. One of the things I keep in mind is that people that suffered from depression once, have a 50% risk of it returning. It’s one of the thoughts that keep me on my toes, vigilant even to prevent something like that happening again. And I know now how to do that. How to deal with negative feelings and thoughts. I’ve been handed a toolbox from which I can help myself.

The last few weeks I’ve been attending the ‘outflow group’ of the organisation that helped me get back on my feet just to make the transition from ‘full client mode’ to ‘normal life’ and my therapists and I agree; my time of intense and continuous therapy is over.

A few weeks ago, I had a session in which all involved therapists, were present and my end report was discussed. Tests and reports of all sessions show that I’m doing great, that I’ve regained control of the situation and that I’m ready for the next step. In many cases the months of therapy are followed up by a new series of therapy sessions but according to ‘my team’ the ‘outflow group’ is all I need. I’m happy and scared shitless at the same time.

“I’m happy and scared shitless at the same time”

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Ok, so now I’m back home, trying to pick up my ‘normal’ life again. My energy level is healthy, high but limited, I still need a couple of hours a day to rest, to physically regain energy. I’ve stopped with sleep medication and after a few days I can sleep on my own power again. Another win.

My current days have a normal rhythm again, I do chores at home, I cycle again, and I pick up on all WhatsApp and LinkedIn messages I’ve received in the past months. It seems like life has a different pace now. It all goes a bit slower, more relaxed. What might help is that I’ve decided to not jump into the next job soon. I’ve decided to take the time to find my next challenge. What I did do is contact a ‘re-integration partner’. This organisation helps people like me, people that are on a turning point in life and want to find out what to do next. In the upcoming months they will help me find out where my heart lies, what skill sets I possess and what kind of jobs would fit this phase of my working life. In this process professionals help me to find my way back and keeping my ‘history’ in mind. I’m convinced they will help me find a great position again where all my skills and talents are appreciated and used to their full potential.

In the meantime, I’ve decided to fill up my (still limited) time with volunteer work and getting training in things I’ve always wanted to do. Just yesterday I’ve registered myself for an extensive ‘First Aid’ course. I’ve done these in the very distant past and it makes me feel good to be able to help people in need if necessary. Next to that I’ve decided to expand my knowledge and skills on speaking French. Although I’m able to have a conversation in the language on the many holidays I’ve spent in France I would love to be able to be better at it.

As far as work is concerned, I’m convinced that my experience of the last year, the last nine months, in combination with my thirty-two years of experience in business, training, coaching and sales, my knowledge of human behaviour and personalities and my human knowledge will put something on my path that fits me perfectly. Although on the work field all options are open, I know one thing for sure. It will include helping other people, making them ‘better’ or help them find their way in life or job. Coaching people that struggle or are at the same ‘turning point’ in life that I have been. I’m convinced that I can and will.

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“I’m extremely lucky to live in The Netherlands”

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What I’ve experienced the last period in my life it that the Dutch social safety net works. When I lost my job due to my depression, I’ve been supported in so many ways by the safety net the Dutch government have put in place over the last seventy-five years. My income has been guaranteed for the entire period and all mental help I’ve been so lucky to receive has been covered by the government. The ‘re-integration’ partner I’ve been contacting is paid for by the government with no strings attached. If I need extra education to achieve the newly set goals, the Government will provide it free of charge. Their goal is not to get me to work as soon as possible but to get me a fitting position, period. A new position that fits my needs using all my skills and talents, even if it would take me two years.

Since this is the last part in these series about my depression, I would like to thank all organizations and people involved in my recovery. First of all, I would like to thank Altrecht. This organization is worth its weight in Gold. Their therapists have steered, coached and guided me in my recovery. Sometimes by confronting, sometimes by guiding but always with one goal in mind; getting my life back on track. My therapists Eveline, Jakomijn, Sara, Evie, Diana, Liesbeth, Harriet, Ans, Sjoerd, Veerle and Evi-Roos are my true heroes. They have been able to determine, analyse and help solve the issues I had.

I would once again like to thank my employer and especially my manager Dennis for their constant support and understanding. My colleagues for their support and kind words. My successor can only be very happy to have a team like yours.

I would like to thank all my friends for their support in these difficult times. You have been there where I needed it with kind words of advice or with just that one shoulder to cry on. It helped me to understand (again) how valuable our relationship is to me.

Thanks also to all people in- and outside of my professional network. Your comments and ‘kudos’ on my stories have given me so much support. I hope to work with some of you in the future or at least to meet you again someday soon. The number of invites I had the pleasure to receive will be impossible to follow up, but I will do my best to answer them all.

Last but certainly not least I would like to thank my family from the bottom of my heart for their constant support, for their dealing with someone who suffers from one of the most invasive and common illnesses. They are the real heroes. Living with someone who suffers from this illness is probably the most difficult thing to do. Imagine living with someone that just does not want to live anymore, that struggles with everyday things like getting up in the morning and sleeping at night. Someone that puts pressure on anything positive in life. I hope I will be able to give some of your support and positivity back in the upcoming years. Know that I love you from the bottom of my heart.

If you have taken the time to follow my story; thank you so much for taking the time. It’s probably not been an easy read but I hope you take away some pieces that might help you, your loved ones or your co-workers in the future. Please feel free to contact me if you would like to show your support, ask more about my story or want me to do a presentation on the subjects discusses.

If this story helps just one individual I have reached my goal.

(if you experience feelings like described above please visit https://www.wannatalkaboutit.com. For the Netherlands see https://www.wannatalkaboutit.com/nl/)