Part III: A New Way to View Success

Last month, we took a look at what happens when we view success as linear with the “climb the ladder” mentality. We either make it too long with the end so far out that it is nearly impossible to reach and that continuously working towards it, we lose our sense of drive and grow apathetic; or we make it too short with the end too close that once we do accomplish it, the sense of satisfaction will fade quickly and with nothing left to work towards we feel a sense of emptiness and lack of purpose.

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So we decided we need to shift our mindset from viewing success as a line, a single ladder to climb, to being cyclical. A continuous loop that we follow throughout our entire lives. At the beginning, we are the ones that determine what success would be and what would bring us a sense of satisfaction so we can work towards it realistically. Once we complete it, we have that sense of satisfaction and accomplishment in our work. We understand that this feeling won’t last forever, and once we reach that plateau, we can start over. This gives us the ability to rethink how we define success and what would once again bring us a sense of satisfaction.

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When we view success and satisfaction as linear, it gives the impression that we shouldn’t be satisfied with our accomplishments until we reach the endpoint. That the fulfillment we seek can—and should—only be measured once we reach the top, regardless of how high that is. By viewing it as cyclical, it not only shortens the path to success, it also enables us to feel a sense of accomplishment and satisfaction in our lives more than once. This also allows us to take a moment to appreciate the work we put in to reach that point, with an understanding that feeling won’t last forever. Only once it starts to fade should we restart the cycle. We redefine success and continue working towards whatever it is because it isn’t about being successful once—making it to the top of the ladder, peaking early on, and expecting it to last. It is about sustaining success. So that the sense of satisfaction and accomplishment becomes the eventuality. It is something we can work towards, marveling at the effort we put in to make it a reality. As we take time to be in that moment, we feel that sense of satisfaction eventually fade—knowing it is okay when it does. In our growth, the process empowers us to restart the cycle to reach new levels of success we define for ourselves so we can once more feel a sense of satisfaction in our accomplishment. All of which enable us to lead more fulfilling lives.

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Thinking about success as cyclical versus linear also allows for much-needed change and growth. With viewing success as linear, when we set that far-off point at the end of the line, there is a real possibility we will constantly work towards it through months, if not years. However, as we all know, things can and will change. New positions open up, we pick up new hobbies and activities, and the unpredictability of life will sometimes cause that change as well. If we are on the linear path, we might feel an obligation to ourselves to just keep at it. The amount of effort we have already put into reaching that endpoint would be a waste, even if our perception of success and satisfaction has changed. The idea of “starting over” and getting off that linear path to set a new point in a totally different direction seems like far more work than simply continuing on our current one. However, when we view it as a cyclical process, we can account for those changes. When we reach the eventual plateau, we can start the cycle over and consider the changes in our lives that will affect how we define success and what will bring us a sense of satisfaction. The cyclical process enables us to account for how we have grown and how our needs have changed based on what we deem important in our lives.

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It is important to remember this cycle can be applied to all facets of our life. Whatever it is that brings us a sense of satisfaction in our accomplishments and areas we identify that we want to be successful in. We might enjoy running 5k races locally. Getting out on the weekends and running with others is something we genuinely enjoy. However, we may begin to lose motivation to do it, once our closet is full of free race t-shirts and the finisher medals we earn collect dust in a drawer. If we no longer feel satisfied with just running these events, we need to reassess what will make us satisfied again. We need to redefine what success would be for running. Rather than jumping directly to a marathon, maybe it is a 10k distance event, or we want to place in a certain percentage for our age group for those 5k’s or complete the event with a better finishing time. Once we identify that next level of success, we need to identify what it will take to reach that new level. For the 5k, maybe we aren’t fast enough to get that better time or place in a better percentage of finishers. With that comes our need for learning new skills and support. We need to learn how to run faster, which means learning new training techniques, running styles, and maybe even a new nutrition plan. Our support can come in the form of monetary support, like buying better shoes—or mental and emotional support from a coach. Support can take many different forms, sometimes even coming from us, just by giving ourselves permission to engage in these new endeavors. Once we identify those needs, we can create a plan to reach that new level of success. With the 5k, if we want to beat a personal best and get faster, we select the training plan that we know will fit our needs the best. We set goals based on this plan and ensure we are the ones to actually set them. Then, we move to implement the plan and do the necessary work to execute it fully. The extra speed work, the new shoes, and the thought that this is what will get us to where we want to be. Regardless of how long it takes, we will come to the end of the cycle. We will have reached that new level of success and once again feel satisfaction in our accomplishments. We sign up for that next 5k, and beat our personal best or place top 10% for our age group. In subsequent races, we keep this success up and continue to feel satisfied with our performance. We only need to start the cycle over once we reach that plateau, with the waning of motivation to run races, and begin to strive for new levels of success once again.

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When we keep our focus on building new skills to help us get to the next step and improve, rather than solely looking towards the end, something else happens. It enhances our confidence. When we view far-off success and believe we will only be satisfied once we reach that distant point, we might view it as impossible. We don’t think we can do what it takes to achieve it. We look at everything required to do it and think we can’t do the necessary skills. As a result, we might never try to improve them, because we lack confidence in our abilities. Regardless of the task or activity, this lack of confidence in our abilities is the first major obstacle preventing us from even attempting it. We tell ourselves a myriad of excuses for why we can’t do something, “I don’t know how”, “I’ll fail if I try”, “I’ll never be able to do it like a pro so why bother?”. Our internal narrative falls to the side of the negative and saps our confidence. We can’t just go get more confidence, or “life-hack” our way to being more confident. This is another idea we need to challenge: that confidence is an innate ability, and we either have it or we don’t. We can build confidence—we need to build it—it just takes time and practice. As we build it, it will come. We need to start by breaking down whatever we are trying to do into smaller steps.

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As our definition of success grows, so does our confidence. We gain new skills and abilities every time we loop through the cycle. With these skills comes confidence. To do this, we need to ensure we are stepping outside of our comfort zone. This doesn’t mean taking a huge step or leap and hoping for the best. It is just one step, maybe even a small one at first. That’s why the cycle focuses on the next level of success. We identify where we are currently, and think about what would be the next level of success that would bring us a sense of satisfaction. Keeping with the cooking example, maybe it means adding something extra to the dish we cook well, or a new dish that is similar in nature. We adhere to the cycle, identify what skills we need to learn, and apply them to enhance our dish. Our confidence comes from our accomplishment of cooking the dish successfully. And regardless of how small the accomplishment is, it is still enhancing our confidence. Trying these new things, challenging ourselves, and embracing failure as a learning opportunity will build our resilience and self-assurance. The more times we go through the cycle, the more steps we take outside our comfort zone, we accomplish more and more. With it, the more our confidence grows.

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Confidence plays a pivotal role in our development, growth, and ability to have success be a part of our lives. Believing in ourselves and our abilities is what encourages us to take those steps out of our comfort zone, embrace new challenges, and overcome the different obstacles we will face when working towards success. As our confidence grows, our internal narrative shifts from “I can’t do this, and I’ll never do it” to “If I can do this, I can do more.” Then, we begin to look for different opportunities to propel our lives forward. As we go through the cycle, our skills will increase, and our confidence in our abilities will grow even more. It quickly becomes a snowball effect on our entire life. Enabling us to reach different levels of success in all areas of our life and to continuously improve as a person.

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We also need to challenge the idea that success and satisfaction will come from a single activity in our life. That there is only one thing we do that can be used to define our success. A great deal of emphasis is put on professional success. That our job should be the defining factor of our lives, and holding increasingly prestigious positions within an organization, or even creating our own, should be the yardstick by which we measure our success. Even with societal pressures, our job should be something that makes a difference in the world, focuses on altruistic actions, and should be more than just a paycheck. The marker for success in life fell mainly in what we did for our 9-5. In this professional success, we are expected to find satisfaction and, in turn, fulfillment. With the expectation that we should get everything we need out of life from our job alone.

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But this just isn’t true.?

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As individuals, we are deep, complex, and multifaceted. Countless attributes and activities can make up our identity. And in all of those different activities, we find different levels and types of satisfaction. Our professional life—our job and careers—is just one small aspect of this. It is just one piece of our identity, and one medium for us to gain fulfillment. We can, and more importantly should, strive to find success in all the different aspects of our life. We need to take the time to identify the activities we find immensely satisfying. Be it volunteering our time, some kind of sport, or even a creative outlet.

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Looking at those activities, we need to put in the time to continue to succeed in all of them and to continue to have that sense of satisfaction and fulfillment. Because we need it. Sometimes we can’t engage in one activity or another, which means we will need to look to find satisfaction where we can. Or when our careers actually do inspire us, and our personal accomplishments become less of a priority. Or other times when we just get completely burned out, and we need that small accomplishment to make us feel something positive. We can look to the different activities and actions in our life, and put in the effort to accomplish something there. We need to have those various accomplishments in our life that give us a sense of gratification, so that we can look back at the journey we went on regardless of how short or long it was and say, “Look at everything I have achieved.”

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