Part of her world

Ok, Ok... It's time for a #confession . I must share my secret.

Here goes. Are you ready? Lean in...

?????? I have always wanted to be a ... mermaid! ???? ???? ????

Whew! ?? I'm glad I got that out. I feel a lot better now. ??

You see, I had been on the planet for just over a decade when Disney's "The Little Mermaid" graced movie theaters. For me, that excursion in 1989 was the embodiment of years of wide-eyed enchantment and childlike wonder: underwater bathtub explorations that left my skin wrinkly as I pretended to live amongst other friendly aquatic creatures, nights under my blanket with a flashlight devouring Hans Christian Andersen's source material and time spent putting colored pencil to paper trying unsuccessfully to draw the beautifully magical #mermaid I often dreamt up in my imagination (I have always seen it as unfortunate that my creative talent does not manifest and find its way onto canvas and drawn pieces of paper).?

Like many of my fellow humans, Ariel grabbed my heartstrings and pulled hard. She was fiery and not just because of her red hair. She was beautiful, with the voice of an angel. She was friendly and kind, with funny companions whom she loved fiercely. She was #curious , with the ability to imagine a life beyond her current circumstances. She had a whole ecosystem to which she #belonged . I was enraptured. She was almost everything my mind’s eye imagined.

Almost. ??

I guess, on that day in November 1989, I had never truly expected to see a mermaid with melanated skin or thick, flowing hair that resembled my 4B/4C tresses. But if my 10-year old self had hopes and expectations along that line, I quickly locked them away so I could focus on being a part of Ariel’s world. I dove headfirst into it, too - my mom bought me the Little Mermaid comforter and sheet set just a year later for Christmas in 1990. I still snuggle under the worn blanket to this day. When my family and I went to Disney World in 2005, I bought my daughter Ariel’s wedding dress and a whole musical snow globe devoted to Ariel, her friends and her love story with Prince Eric. It resides in my house on a shelf with some of my most precious possessions. My oldest son (who has taken after me with his love of all things aquatic) treasures the mono fin he received more than a year ago which enables him to swim as fast and as freely as Ariel and her father, King Triton.?And I still tease my kids, telling them if I had the ability to live under the sea and become a real life mythical, magical, mystical mermaid, I'd leave them behind in a heartbeat without a second glance. (That part's only a *slight* exaggeration. ??)

So... my point is, I’ve been all in since the beginning. And 'all in' I have remained.

But I wasn’t prepared for watching #HalleBailey in the teaser trailer for the reimagining of “The Little Mermaid”. I wasn’t prepared to hear her sweet melodic run during the short clip of “Part of your world”. I wasn’t prepared to see Ariel’s beautiful tail tinged with the color of royalty or her scarlet locs flowing gently in CGI-created water.?

I especially wasn’t prepared for the moment I traveled back in time in my mind’s eye to remember a little Cozi Smith sitting at her childhood desk trying to draw #Ariel with brown skin and flowing dark tresses, then giving up in frustration, chastising herself for doing it wrong because Ariel’s skin was the wrong hue.

When I recently watched the teaser trailer with my 20-year old daughter and 16-year old eldest son all snuggled under a blanket that’s more than two decades old, I simply wasn’t prepared for each of us in our own ways to feel #seen and #valued and #represented . I wasn’t prepared for the rapt attention we paid or for us to turn to each other in the silence after Halle’s final note with tears coursing down our faces, our mouths agape in amazement.?I had no clue how #impactful it would be.

You see, this ‘seeing’, this #representation - little Black and brown children (and grown Black and brown people, like me) - we don’t often get to feel this way. It’s almost as rare as seeing a unicorn running in the wild or a mermaid swimming in the ocean. And during the few times in my life when I have, it feels effervescent, like I just popped a whole bottle of Dom Perignon and squealed at the loud sound as the bubbles fizzed out of the top and over my fingers. ??????

I sometimes wonder how little Cozi would have felt seeing Ariel with skin the color of burnt umber. Would she have stared at the screen with #hope and joy and wonder and #delight ? Would she have wanted to find the nearest #bathtub , #pool or #beach to pretend to be an underwater mermaid? Would it have felt audacious for a little Black girl to want to commune with the mysteries of deep water for the rest of her life? Would a whole world full of hope and positivity have cracked open… might possibility have felt that much closer... that much more accessible? ??????

I'm grateful for the little kids I've been seeing whose reactions to a melanated Ariel are genuine and heartfelt, filled with squeals of glee and expressions of fascination and joy. It's all so powerful - an unfolding of sorts - something I'm still processing and trying to wrap my mind around.

Those who weren’t born into #marginalized and #underrepresented communities - those protesting the movie and Halle Bailey's casting - I guess they're trying to wrap their minds around things as well. They get to see themselves depicted in positive, creative, magical and hopeful lights every single day. They've not had to worry about the media's narrative around their lives. It must be hard to be forced to share. I can't imagine it. I also can’t imagine having the luxury to swim in the waters of representational #privilege .

It's all food for thought... les poissons on the plate. ??????

But until that day, my kids and I now have the ability to imagine ourselves swimming with Ariel, her sisters and friends as part of their world. And we’ll be cheering Halle Bailey on in theaters in May 2023. I may even bring my blanket. ??????

#thelittlemermaid #representationmatters #blackgirlmagic #brownboyjoy #partofherworld #ariel #belonging #inclusion #hallebailey #disney #strongsubjects