Part 3 of 4: 4-Steps to Strengthen Resolve in the Face of Adversity

A Brief Review

So here we are, Part #3 in learning the 4 Steps to Strenghten Resolve in the Face of Adversity. As a recap Part #1 covered finding trustworty, insightful people to act as support mechanisms for you at anytime, but especially as adversity strikes. This, Part #1 is called Support Yourself. This support can come in the form of a friend, family member, collague, mentor, coach or therapist. The main point is to have someone who can listen well, provides good insights and provides honest opinions. The person can and should also exhibits habits, skills that you would someday like to model or to aspire to have yourself (See Part #1, and Barry Alvarez uncle Jon).

Part #2 is to Invest in Yourself, by learning skills, hobbies that strengthen skills you need to prepare you for future adverse events - personally and professionally. The more skills you can learn, especially relevent to dealing with adverse situations the better able you will be at handling them in the future. So now, let's jump into Part #3, Test Yourself.

#3: Test Yourself

The next step is to test yourself by placing yourself in slightly uncomfortable situations. By uncomfortable I’m not saying dangerous. I’m saying stretch yourself beyond previously thought capacities. By stretching yourself, you’re creating those experiences that you can draw on for future adverse situations. If I’m in an emotional state, I freeze when a lot of change is occurring, I’m going to struggle big time! If I can put myself in those scenarios, stay in that rational, cortex-based state of mind, I can learn. I can learn what it feels like, and use it as an opportunity to grow. I’m not saying all of a sudden I’m a change agent and now love it. I’m saying I come to realize that I can deal with such situations rationally. I can get through it, learn, and address as productively as I can. I DO NOT need to freeze or stay frozen in the event. This learning experience created an experience, and reservoir of options for me. So, with that said…

• Accept Change and Take Risks. Once again, I’m not saying life-threatening or dangerous risks. But be willing to step out into the unknown. What’s the worst thing that can happen? You might just learn something, and that can begin the series of experiences that enables you to limit your emotional responses when something throws you off in the future. In addition, if you’ve developed the learning mindset and you’ve documented adverse situations, this will add to a reserve of options, experiences and training you can rely on in the future.

In addition, most often risk and acceptance of change can produce great results. In the my new book In Defense of Adversity - Turning Your Toughest Challenges Into Your Greatest Success, I mentioned the story of my friend Adoni Maropis and his role in the TV show 24. What actually transpired his first day on the set is interesting.

Prior to stepping on the set of 24, Adoni did a great deal of research on the role to really get into the character. He also had his lines memorized down pat. Once he arrived, Kiefer Sutherland said he wanted Adoni to read for him. Upon listening to Adoni deliver his lines as the villain Fayed, Sutherland said, “You do that very well, but we need to change and cut out a bit of dialogue and also move a lot of lines around. Are you OK with that?” Adoni was flabbergasted and frustrated. He simply replied, “Sure, no problem.” He thought he’d nailed it, and now had to again, start from scratch. Now, any slight change in a script can really throw an actor off, especially after all the work put into memorizing a monologue of 3 or 4 pages. The pressure and challenge was on. Adoni, now had a short time to prepare for his scene Sutherland. 

However, upon further review while alone, Adoni realized that Sutherlands recommended changes were spot-on, and in fact made that scene significantly better. So, as Adoni said, a pressure packed, risky change ended up paying off in spades, as they both nailed their roles for that given episode, and the season. In addition, Adoni stretched himself as an actor which helped him further hone his craft.

• Be Willing to Face Adversity. Adversity is a part of life and it occurs to help you grow. So, the more you face it and learn from it, the more you’ll grow and be prepared for it in the future. Once again, a learning mindset and documenting situations helps here. Notice how each step builds on the previous one. My book starts off with the accepting that adversity is NOT going away. Can it be minimized? Sure, but you want that in a positive way, not by hiding from it or avoiding it. This book also covered the acknowledging that adversity is meant for us to evolve…if you believe both premises (accept & acknowledge) and follow the insights and directions in this book, facing adversity going forward should be quite different for you…it’s a learning opportunity, not a deterrence.
• Stretch Yourself/Be Willing to Fail. In my opinion, failure teaches greater lessons than success. So many more learning points to glean during failure than success. Being open to failure or difficulty is what this book is about. Accept that adversity will not go away, nor will failure. You’re going to fail, or not succeed in life, face it—it’s a fact; so, why not learn and grow from it? The worse that happens is a lesson learned, and experiences drawn from it.

I attempt to stretch myself all the time, both personally and professionally. That can be hard as I’m a High S style in DISC Behavioral Assessment terms. High S don’t necessarily like change; they enjoy status quo or if they do change, it’s typically at a slower pace. Knowing this about myself, I make a conscious effort to push myself. I have to or I’ll become stagnant. In fact, writing my book was one of those efforts. I firmly believe in and love my book topic. I think it is hugely important, especially in this day and age. However, I can find the process of writing very tedious. I’m decent at getting a foundation for a book or article laid, but taking it to the next level can get tedious and frustrating. The effort is an emotional rollercoaster for me as I have moments of excitement and gratification, but other times suffer doubt and worry if it is good enough. But overall, this process strengthens me. It gives me yet another opportunity to challenge myself, to step into the uncomfortable, to learn and grow. It also forces me to remain in the cortex, stay rational, clear-headed, don’t let the emotions run away. I realize the benefits far outweigh the struggle of doing it. It is yet another growing process for me, and most importantly, people will hopefully benefit from it.

Many successful managers and leaders offer the opportunity to fail. One of the people I write about is an investment banker, Eric Parker, who manages a large team. He says he opens the door for his team to fail. It provides them with learnings, they take a fearless approach because now the worse pain is a lesson to be applied to experience and that reservoir of options. Nearly all successful leaders take the same approach. On the flip side, elimination of fears greatly increases the opportunity for success as well. Creating an environment to be open and not fear failure is refreshing and rewarding at the same time. What's the worse than can happen? You learn, grow and strengthen yourself for the next adverse event.

Part 4 of the series 4-Steps to Strengthen Resolve in the Face of Adversity will be posted in two weeks.

About Steve Gavatorta

Steve Gavatorta, is author of the newly released In Defense of Adversity-Turning Your Toughest Challenges Into Your Greatest Success. Now available on Amazon.

Steve Gavatorta, owner of the Steve Gavatorta Group, specializes in empowering individuals and organizations in identifying, developing, and exceeding performance goals. Steve’s had the privilege of coaching and training thousands of high performers in industries including pharmaceuticals, medical equipment, healthcare, consumer packaged goods, finance, media, and advertising. From small businesses on the move to Fortune 500 companies, Steve collaborates with organizations to build foundations, set goals, and eclipse their highest potential.

Steve is a Certified Professional Behavioral Analyst (CPBA) and Certified Professional Values Analyst (CPVA), a certified Myers-Briggs practitioner, and accredited to coach and train for Emotional Intelligence (EQ). He enjoys martial arts, practicing Muay Thai, Brazilian jiu-jitsu and yoga, and traveling to new places to recharge his batteries. Steve currently resides in Tampa, Florida.

For contact information visit www.gavatorta.com.