(Part one discussed symptoms and warning signs.)
Children tend to process events in bursts or waves. The younger they are, the fewer references they have to process the world around them.?
When our brains receive information, it must quickly make sense of it so we are able to respond. It is thought the brain does this by matching it up to neural pathways to access pre-programmed responses. Most of our responses we form through early experiences and some may be genetically inherited. However, at times, we do not have a response. This is often where the trouble starts.?
When the brain cannot find a matching response, we can literally feel the information looping round and round in our minds. The brain keeps asking what on earth to do with it. Feelings of depression and anxiety may set in. With this in mind, we need to help our children develop healthy coping mechanisms. These are likely to form the basis of how they will respond throughout their lives to future stressors.?
- Tell the truth. In simple language and terms, tell your child what happened/ happening. (First engage in an activity, like a board game or lego building or help with preparing a meal. This should decrease pressure to talk directly.)?
- Let your child take the lead. After your basic explanation, allow your child’s responses to guide the conversation. Check in on magical thinking: young children may believe they somehow caused an event to happen. Makes no sense to adults but does in their fantasy-like worlds.?
- Reinforce Safety This may be discussing, in an appropriate manner, a plan of action. Allowing them to sleep in your room or have dogs sleep in their room during threatening times if an example. Encourage brainstorming with older children; this will help you to identify their needs and fears. ?
- Grief/ Trauma reactions are unique.??Accept your child’s emotional reactions.?They might seem unaffected or even say inappropriate things. There is no right or single way to grieve/ express fear. Don’t jump to conclusions; try to explore what they mean and guide an appropriate response.
- Share your feelings. It’s horrible for a child when an adult barricaded in a bedroom, emotionally and physically unavailable! Your child learns best from you, you’re their model. It is powerful to model how to express and manage emotions. To be positive ALL the time is toxic.?
- The power of action. Children are empowered when they can do something. Explain that we can help others through kindness and support. Whatsapp video calls might be helpful, even if they don’t say much. (Lockdown has highlighted our human need for interaction). Making posters with a daily positive quote to stick on a street facing wall or gate.?
- Keep routines rolling: this is a well known fact; children like to know what’s happening next. Routines help foster feelings of security. If you need to change them, give a brief explanation and ensure you stick to the new one. Repeating of explanation is expected for younger children.?
- Dreaming forward: talk about the future. E.G. Ask what they might like to do for their next holiday Be careful not to make promises you cannot keep; it serves to reinforce feelings of uncertainty. However there is nothing wrong with encouraging future dreams; they do not have to be tied to a specific date.?
- Touch base with reality: When appropriate it’s good to take them outdoors and to see others. Younger children cannot think abstractly. They need to see and experience for themselves to know that something is true. E.G. Perhaps if?kept indoors because of riots, when safe, take them for a short walk or drive around the neighborhood to see life is continuing.
- Monitoring media: please minimize what your children see and hear. It is now more important than ever to talk with them about how media represent things. (There are many online resources to assist: klikd). Use media positively by showing them videos of the good happening like clean ups.?
- Teach and practice relaxation: E.G. Take one hand and spread out your fingers. Use a finger from the other hand to trace each finger.?As we go up a finger, we very slowly breathe in. At the top of the finger we tap 3 times while holding the breath. As we go down the finger we very slowly breathe out. At the bottom we tap 3 times and hold the breath. Then up we go again, until we have done all 5 fingers. Our ears and eyes are on what we are doing. If we want to think about something else or look away, we are kind and tell ourselves nicely say: let’s be with this air and fingers, right here. There are many options, including movement, to teach children relaxation exercises. Again; these are skills for life! Check our Netflix headspace series. U-tube has loads for kids(please check safety) like cosmic kids yoga which combines popular children’s stories and yoga. All available as apps too.
Not all children respond to talk. They may do better through drawing or writing. You can encourage this by leaving a note or picture of your own under their pillow. Or sending a message digitally. This will open the door for reciprocation. For younger children, you may want to engage in their play. For example, have a character knock over something and say I feel angry because I can’t see my friends. I wish I could call one of them. Note the words in bold. See how it seeks to mention a feeling, a reason and a desire/solution. (I do not encourage anyone without proper qualifications, as discussed in part 1, to attempt therapy. Play therapy is not as straight forward as it sounds. These ideas are shared so you may explore a child’s feelings and encourage processing.)?
As per part 1, if your child is not coping with trauma or recovering within a few weeks post-trauma, please seek professional help.?Do remember, if caregivers are not healthy, the children are unlikely to be either! Take care of yourselves too, adults.
Empangeni, Meerensee, Eshowe & Online(SA only).?
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