Part 2: Identifying and Naming Shame

Research often centres around numbers, charts, and graphs, but a lot of research is more experiential in nature, focusing more on ideas, experiences, thoughts and feelings. Experiential research allows us to explore deeper into individual stories, which further allows us to study the subtleties of human emotions like shame. Researcher Brené Brown relied on experiential research when pioneering the ‘Shame Resilience Theory’ (SRT), which we are going to explore in this article.

SRT is a four-part theory with defined steps that help us work through past shameful experiences, which are already internalised and develop resilience against potentially shameful experiences in the future, ideally internalising them as guilt instead of shame. (We will explore the differences between shame and guilt in future articles).

The first part of SRT teaches us how to recognise the way shame shows up in our bodies.

Identifying and naming shame

The first step is to practice identifying and naming shame. This helps us to better understand our shame and acknowledge the ways it sneaks up on us. When we speak of shame, what comes to mind? Are you able to describe it in words or as a feeling in your body?

If not, that’s normal. Very few of us are in tune with our physical and emotional bodies well enough to notice when we are feeling something as subtle as shame, let alone put it in words. But, overcoming something as pervasive as shame needs us to acknowledge it and speak its name, taking away its power over us. When we try to tackle shame, we start by finding it in our body.

Tension, a pounding heart, physical pain...any of these can be caused by shame. Think about when our stomach lurches, when our palms become sweaty, or when we get that tight feeling in our chest or throat. Research supports the idea that there is a strong connection between shame and the physical response in our bodies.

Shame is one of the more complex emotions for this reason; it begins as an emotion but then often manifests as a physical feeling. But how do we find something we can’t even describe at first?

My favourite way to begin this process is with a ‘body scan’. You might have tried this before in your yoga or meditation practice. It is a simple, accessible mindfulness tool.

It allows us to slowly focus on each part of our body, from top to toe, and pick up on any sensations that may arise without judgement. For example, judgement could look like giving ourselves a hard time for having a headache or telling ourselves we complain too much about a little pain in our back.

Start at the top of your head and work your way down gradually. Pay attention to what’s there without trying to create any stories around what you are feeling (e.g. my head hurts because I didn’t get enough sleep last night).

Maintain a attitude of non-judgment.

Do you feel any tension or pressure in your body? Where, specifically?

To use a body scan to identify shame, we should first recall a shameful experience.

I suggest starting with a 4 out of 10 experience, something strong enough that it causes a nervous system response but not so strong that we become overwhelmed and need a quick de-stressor (like sugar, smoking or alcohol) etc to temporarily soothe us.)

When you notice something that’s ‘off’, take a note. What does shame feel like? Does it have a taste, a texture, a temperature, a sound, or a colour?

I know these are abstract descriptions of a physical feeling, but the more we are able to describe the feeling of shame for ourselves, the better we become at noticing it in the future...before it chips away at our inner self.

Your description of shame doesn’t need to make sense to anyone else apart from you. Maybe for you, shame is red hot. Maybe it has a subtle buzzing sound that begins to intensify the more you focus on it. Does shame make you start to sweat? Does it make your stomach hurt? Do you feel tightness in your chest or throat?

The more you recognise and name it, the better you’ll get at locating it, and you’ll be able to more clearly and quickly identify what you’re feeling. When we learn to recognise sensations in our body, we can identify, in the moment, that we’re experiencing shame.

When we’re able to name and identify shame, we can not only notice it in the future but can better recognise when a past shameful experience is resurfacing.

In the past, perhaps we shut these feelings (both physical and emotional) down with our coping mechanisms (smoking, drugs, alcohol, excess eating etc) which further extends our feeling of shame. Instead, we can use the SRT to work through shame in productive ways that allow us to build resilience.

Today, consider how shame shows up in your body. Try the body scan method with a level 4 (out of 10) experience of shame. Recall your memory, allow your body to be slightly activated, find the shame, and put words to it. Then soothe your nervous system through an activity like meditation, a walk around the block, creativity or simply a hug from someone you love.

With love,

Debs x

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