Part 2: Emotions

This is part 2 of a 10-part series on potentially useful ideas for well-being and productivity. None of these ideas are uniquely mine, I'm not an expert in all fields mentioned, and I don't consider them absolute truths. They're just useful approaches based on what I know right now, relying on my psychology background and work in People Development. All posts were written by me, not an AI.

Emotions are spontaneous, short-term physical and mental states.

• Emotions have in some way developed to support our survival, for example by increasing safety and comfort. So they generally inform us of a "positive" or "negative" thing, and activate our behavior to either get more or less of it. The well-known issue is that our emotional reactions didn't exactly develop to support us in modern society, but in the more tribal lifestyle of our evolutionary past.
• The number of primary, universal human emotions is generally thought to be between six to ten. The four emotions I think are useful to recognize for daily self-management: anger ("Something seems unfair"); sadness ("I lost something"); fear ("Something negative will happen to me"); joy ("I get a thing that I wanted").
• Emotions activate bodily reactions, which may vary somewhat between individuals, but show similarities on average. Emotional reactions last no more than a few minutes if they are just left to complete on their own, without additional thought.

Nothing can make you mad unless you play along.

• Emotional reactions happen very fast, but are generally preceded by or combined with an interpretation or appraisal - a thought about our situation.
• If you've ever felt angry, yelled at your screen or sent a hasty response after reading an email, here's a question for you: what made you angry? Was it your physical environment - the pixels on the screen? No. A hundred other people who look at the same screen probably won't react exactly the same way you did.
• It's our (very fast) thoughts about the situation that trigger the anger - something seems unfair or betrays our expectations. Our thoughts activate emotional reactions, fill in the meaning gaps left by the vague bodily sensations of emotions, and also work to maintain emotions for longer. Often, longer than necessary.
• So we always play a part in the emotions we feel, whether intentionally or not. This is not meant to excuse intentional antisocial behavior or place "blame", but is meant to highlight our agency. There are things we can do to manage our emotions and, maybe most importantly, behaviors.

Some things you can do to manage your emotions in a healthy way (from Dr Mitchel Adler):

1. Understand your triggers. Make a list of your specific triggers for each of the four primary emotions I mentioned. For example, maybe you feel anger when you think someone is being insincere, or when someone is late to a meeting. Write down the triggers and the thoughts that accompany them. This will help you be more mindful of similar situations in the future.
2. Observe your bodily reactions. Where in your body do you feel the four emotions I mentioned, and what do they feel like? When you catch yourself feeling any of the emotions, just note what and where you feel. This will help you recognize and label these emotions going forward, which helps make a more conscious choice.
3. Know how you cope. We all have more and less healthy ways of coping with our emotional reactions. Exercise, alcohol, entertainment, venting with friends, ruminating about what happened, worrying about what will happen, eating, meditating, etc. Note what you do right now - what's in your actual toolbox. No need to remove anything without replacing it with a better tool first. Just know that you have specific things you can do to cope when you need to.

Emotional Intelligence is the ability to make healthy choices by noticing, understanding, and managing your own emotions and your relationships with others.

• I've provided just a few insights about emotions in this post. If you want to get deeper into the topic, I suggest "Emotional Intelligence 2.0" by Bradberry & Greaves for many actionable steps.
• There is currently limited scientific consensus on what exactly emotional intelligence is, or why exactly it works. Also, I think it's important to realize many neurodiverse people, such as people with autism or ADHD, perceive emotions and social interactions differently based on how their brain is built, and their starting points and training trajectories may be different. Despite all this, Emotional Intelligence interventions have been shown to support emotional regulation and relationship management outcomes in the workplace, and can be adapted to many different contexts.
• Like it is with our thoughts, it's natural that we can't choose and control our emotions all the time - that's a part of the human experience. I suggest giving them space, discarding beliefs that emotions equal reality, and taking the information they do provide, often about our own thoughts. And if you find it consistently hard to regulate your reactions, or have difficulty managing relationships, you can give Emotional Intelligence a shot. Of course, a trained professional like a psychologist, therapist, or coach can also be a great help.

References and related suggestions

• Emotional Intelligence: How Good Leaders Become Great (Dr Mitchel Adler): https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HA15YZlF_kM
• You aren't at the mercy of your emotions - your brain creates them | Lisa Feldman Barrett: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0gks6ceq4eQ
• MindTools: Developing Emotional Intelligence: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=n9h8fG1DKhA
• Bradberry, T., & Greaves, J. (2009). Emotional intelligence 2.0. TalentSmart.
• Goleman, D. (2020). Emotional intelligence: Why it can matter more than IQ (Revised and updated ed.). Bantam Books.
• Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence: Mood Meter. https://unhconnect.unh.edu/s/1518/images/gid4/editor_documents/moodmeter-2020.pdf
• PositivePsychology.com: Dr Robert Plutchik's Wheel of Emotions. https://positivepsychology.com/emotion-wheel/
• (Estonian) Ajutervis: Tunnete Ratas. https://aju.ee/lp/tunnete-ratas/
• Nummenmaa, L., Glerean, E., Hari, R., & Hietanen, J. K. (2014). Bodily maps of emotions. Proceedings of the National Academy of Sciences, 111(2), 646-651. https://doi.org/10.1073/pnas.1321664111