Part-2-Dancing My Heart Out

It is always easier to pull yourself away from the spotlight, when you move into a new city, and start afresh! Thank God! Nobody knows about my 'dancer' past! Oh the little dandiyas are amazing! Grooving in the large circles! I always loved the Gujrathi (Garba) and Marathi dances anyway, because they are too graceful and aesthetic!

Whenever I return to my hometown, tonnes of people walk me through the same trauma, again and again!

'Why did you give up dancing? You were so spontaneous!'

'Hey, would you like to join our dance event this evening?'

'Oh come on! Don't be a buzzkill! You always danced since your childhood! Now you're acting like an 80-year-old!'

'Naah! I am sorry! I am just a writer.'

I denied them every time, because deep inside, I was stuck in the past. I was scared as hell! Every time I tried to perform after that incident, (even if it was a Dhunuchi dance or Bhasan dance) something or the other happened! Once I got framed as a thief (when my mother came to save me) and the last time I performed for my friend's Vlog, it was sheer embarrassing!

I was always the perfect bedroom dancer. But, whenever there's someone extra watching me, it comes back to me all over again! I can't forget those 30 seconds! The 30 seconds, that turned a young performer (who lied to her family and practiced dance bunking classes for 8-10 hours at a stretch), into a sexual object! I grew up in less than 30 seconds. And, I have spent the rest of my teenage, fantasizing about Hermione's time-traveler watch, so that I could get back to that day when we decided to perform!

We, had our dance group, Vibes! I have spent endless hours convincing myself: 'It was just an accident!' 'It was just a silly girl, who wanted some extra help from the dresser, who completely forgot, it was my entrance first!' 'It was a mess up, that someone in our dance group was on her period!' 'It was just fate, and I had to stay quiet that day, since, it could have ruined someone's dream career too! Someone, who just felt unloved at that moment!'

Yet, nothing was lost! Because we literally got a standing ovation, and people almost forgot about the mess up. They even asked for my partner- his name in particular, for his expressions. And I could see his girlfriend, beaming at me from the cheering crowd! Nothing was lost that day, except my reputation, which my teammates conveniently forgot as they indulged in a brawl regarding the prize money!

Hell yes! We bagged the third prize in that traumatic show! But, I could never dance again, outside my bedroom. Not even on college buses! I just felt it will happen again if I danced my heart out. And it kept happening again and again. Wardrobe malfunctioning, going blank, and super anxious! And the traumas, of being unable to perform! I went blank and forgot my steps, staring blankly in the middle of my performance for my friend's vlog in front of Sonal Bhadauria. We were doing popular Bollywood song 'Tu cheez badi hai mast..'

My friend cheered me up all the time. But, all I remember is: 'Music, Lights! Arunima enter!' 'Oh shit! What just happened?' 'Oh Shit! We have a full audience, mostly from our school!' And then, a jerk, and a hand: 'Arunima! We are still performing! Get a grip over your body and give me some romantic expressions!' Life goes on, and hence the show must go on!

Part-3 by My Ex Dance Partner/Best Friend

"You give such a vivid depiction of the day! No wonder this had had an impact and I am so sorry the unpleasant incidents keep coming back to you. I wish we could have been better prepared or some things would have changed to make it a much-revered memory. TBH, left this so back in the day that I have little or no reminiscence of it until I read what you wrote. I recall the day being different - not only because we put up a strong fight in front of 'professional dancers' or had some goof-ups unintentionally or got some appreciation towards the end.

Despite all, I would fondly remember the day because we did put in a lot of effort from dancing at the school events to rehearsing for days in some jugaad venues at odd hours. We were young, dreamy and the 'vibez' was all about to go get our dreams. I am fortunate to share these memories with you. I thought and still feel you were the glue that got all of us together. It was unfortunate what you had to go through and the effect that it had after - all these I am getting to feel more now.

But I would also urge you to look at the situation from a 360-degree view. It wouldn't have been a possibility if you had not shown the courage to get us all together for the show, it wouldn't have been possible to finish the performance if you didn't show up that day on the stage, it wouldn't have been a memory etched in our lives if you were a sport enough to jump back and be a part of the celebration when the show ended - and all this while you were recuperating from those 30secs. I am glad you have come to the point to write about this and I wish we had this conversation much before. I hope this heals soon and like always, you jump back with the remarkable zest saying - 'Come on let's dance!' You will find me around then - for another dance on 'rock the dance floor' - like no one's watching! Till then go easy on yourself, and never stop dancing. 'Because some hobbies are more than hobbies,' said my dance partner."

Flashback: It was three days prior to our show, when our choreographer, aka my dance partner (and temporary crush), introduced his brand new partner! She was a trained classical dancer. Classical, not western! Hence, she was always stiffer, and not at all ready to take the center stage! Well, our choreographer had a huge crush on the Kathak dancer!

Our dance partners got exchanged, even without notice or consent! But, I finally found my perfect dance partner! Someone who always wanted the performance to be seamless and more alive! Someone, who would rehearse even extra hours (more than 10 hours) to be in perfect sync with me! He was the nerdy class-topper by the way, and I never competed with anyone in class! I was just lucky to bump into someone, who was exactly as hungry as me, to prove that, we were the showstoppers, not them! Someone, who knew what dance meant to a 16-year-old little dreamer! Freedom, and liberation from the shackles of society!

Hence, the show must go on! 'It's my life..' plays in the background!