Part 1...

There's no limit when it comes to imagination, you can imagine places you have never been, people who have never existed, conversations that have never happened. But sometimes we have to set some kind of limits for our imagination.

My imagination almost ruined my life, it made me live in 'unreal reality', I let our imaginations be in charge of what our minds will decide and manipulate me like some sort of marionette. I shut everyone out, I couldn't bare the whole talking thing, it was more of a one sided conversation and I ended up alone.

Alone but not lonely…

It differs from person to another, everyone searches for his comfort-zone, a judgmental free place in different ways, maybe with certain people or places. I find mine in insulation-'just me, myself and I' Where I can hear my inner voice clearly and communicate with my soul, and try to identify my needs well enough.

I was accompanied with a delightful collection of books. It's funny how some sheets of papers can teach you more than life itself has, I read, read and read, and I found parts of me within each page flipping were dying to be felt, or even expressed, hearing the unspoken words that I kept denying the entire time. Someone out there felt the same way I did, saw through me, knew how badly it hurt, and proved to me it wasn't just my imagination. It was like looking at a better version of me, a version that was able to speak her mind, and express her soul.

It's unbelievable but I found what I didn't find in people. The books were communicating with me, telling me what I needed to hear not what I wanted, knowing the best time to stop and the best time to continue, teaching me that with every hardship I pass, I'm testing my strengths and working on my weaknesses, and the most important lesson that I'm still learning is the answer to 'Who am I?'

In my journey of self-discovery I hurt so many people, people who did nothing but providing help, support and care-Things I didn’t deserve and probably never will. But the truth is that I didn't need the provided things, or even that kind of help. What I needed no one could have ever understood, because me, myself had no clue what I was facing, how I could describe the unknown. I expected my silent call to be heard and what I didn't realize is that I gave little to make it possible for them to hear. 

TO BE CONTINUED…