Stuck in Limbo: Why Relationship Ambivalence is Hurting You—And How to Move Forward (Part 1)

If you're reading this, you may find yourself in a place where you're torn between staying in your marriage or leaving.

It's that agonizing back-and-forth, the constant inner debate, that makes you feel like you're losing yourself and your peace.

Maybe you’ve been asking yourself, "Should I stay, or should I go?" for weeks, months, or even years. It’s exhausting, and it feels like no matter what you choose, it could lead to regret.

There’s a term for this emotional tug-of-war:?relationship ambivalence.

I remember when a psychologist first used the term with me during the last months of my second marriage. It felt like a lifeline to know that I wasn’t alone, that what I was experiencing had a name. But while I felt relief in having a term for it, I also learned that this stage—this “purgatory”—is one of the most harmful places you can be, for yourself, your spouse, and your children.

The True Cost of Ambivalence

Let’s be real. Staying in relationship ambivalence doesn’t serve anyone. Not you. Not your partner. Not your kids.

It’s a space where emotional pain festers, and that uncertainty can start to affect every aspect of your life.

Instead of moving forward in your marriage or creating a peaceful separation, you stay stuck. The daily stress seeps into how you parent, how you work, and how you relate to others.

Your children, even if you think they don’t know what’s going on, sense your inner turmoil. And that is something they carry, even if they can’t articulate it.

Ambivalence isn’t neutral. It’s paralyzing. It can leave you drained, hopeless, and disconnected from what really matters—living an intentional, fulfilling life.

Common Objections to Taking Action

“My spouse doesn’t want to work on the marriage.”

One of the most common reasons people stay stuck is the belief that if their spouse isn’t interested in doing the work, there’s no point in trying.

But here’s the truth:?You don’t need your spouse’s participation to create real change.

I’ve worked with many individuals who, through personal growth and intentional action, have transformed their relationships—even without their partner actively participating.

The reason this works is that relationships are dynamic.

When you shift your behavior, mindset, and emotional responses, it naturally changes the dynamics of the relationship.

You’re not doing this "for" your spouse; you’re doing it for?you.

These changes will benefit you in this relationship, but they will also serve you in every relationship you have moving forward—whether this marriage is saved or not. Personal growth is never wasted. It empowers you to set healthier boundaries, communicate with more confidence, and engage with others from a place of strength.

Action creates clarity, even if your spouse isn’t on board right now. The work you do now will serve you, no matter what the future holds.

“I don’t know what to do.”

The fear of making the wrong choice can make you feel like doing nothing is the safest option. But staying in ambivalence is still making a choice—a choice to stay stuck in misery. No matter what you choose, moving in any direction is better than standing still. Seek out professional help, whether it’s through coaching, therapy, or mediation. You don’t have to figure this out alone.

“I don’t have the time.”

Life is busy, especially when you’re managing work, kids, and the emotional weight of a struggling marriage. But let me ask you this: what’s the cost of?not?making time? How much more energy are you willing to drain from yourself, your children, and your future by staying in this place of indecision? Carving out time to work on your emotional health and relationship clarity isn’t a luxury—it’s a necessity. Whether you decide to heal the marriage or end it, that time investment will pay off in every area of your life.

What’s Next?

You might feel the weight of these concerns holding you back from taking any action, but you don't have to stay stuck here.

In?Part 2 of this 2 part blog post, we’ll dive deeper into even more common reasons why people stay in ambivalence—and how breaking free can transform your life and relationships.

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