Part 1: How I’m living out my beliefs as pro-choice and a devout christian

I shared my journey of how I came to be pro-choice while a devout Christian in my Letter To The Oath Community on Roe v Wade. Standing for this position certainly hasn’t been a cake walk. My dad who is a staunch Catholic, reacted poorly to my letter. Last summer, I asked him to take a long walk with me. During that time, I was able to share with him that the place where I received the life-saving dilation and curettage (D&C) for my miscarriage was at an abortion clinic. He also didn’t know that miscarriage is NOT a diagnosis. It is a layperson’s term. The diagnosis for miscarriage is spontaneous abortion. He was completely surprised. He didn’t know that the institution that his father and himself have protested was the one that saved his daughter’s life. Nor did he know that our current medical system has to diagnose my miscarriage as an abortion for it to be treated. His heart definitely softened and understood why someone would choose an abortion.

I understand why my dad believes what he believes. His father, the patriarch of the family who founded a family-owned Catholic goods company, got arrested for protesting in front of a Planned Parenthood. My father is now the president of that company. His father was revered for this act. There are blown up framed pictures hanging on the walls of the business and his family’s home of this act.

My parents got pregnant with me before they were married. At the time, my mom had a great job with the government and it was a stable and prosperous path. Even though her coworker encouraged her to get an abortion, she decided, as a devout Catholic at 22 years old, to keep me. The stories she has told me of almost dying while delivering me, getting pregnant with my sister 3 months later, and raising us girls in her 20s, and losing a son to a congenital heart defect are brutal. A tremendous amount of stress was not just experienced by her but deeply by her whole family, including her children. Thankfully, her story is one of gratitude and victory. She will never miss a chance to share the love and pride she has for her children and her family.

Of course my parents are attached to being pro-life - it’s what their religion says to be, it’s what their parents chose, and it’s what they choose when faced with this difficult decision. My parents were only doing what they thought was right and what they knew best. I share these intimate parts of my life to illustrate that we all have reasons why we are the way we are. I believe we are intelligently made to constantly derive meaning and purpose in our moment to moment experience. I think the perspective we should have of everyone is to assume best intentions and rightful act without judgment. Matthew 7: 1-2 says, “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you.” This is a core Christian tenant that has helped me move through tough conversations such as with family members who are pro-life. That’s what I think is needed most with this issue - healthy communication between folks with differing beliefs. Honestly, this is what most issues need today more than ever.

This is what I’m building for with Oath Care . Oath is a social platform for the hardest parts of parenthood. A safe space in which folks can come together around a similar experience to share their thoughts and beliefs with others 1) to be known, 2) to be supported, and 3) to support others. We have designed Oath so that folks can show up as their true, authentic selves and get vulnerable around topics that hold a lot of weight in their lives, such as raising a child. The emotions can be big and full of anger, fear, and sadness. Nonetheless, our community is actively guiding folks through these experiences by meeting them with empathy, affirmation, and any applicable advice and resources.

Find a way in your relationships to deeply listen and offer non-judgmental thoughts to folks who don’t believe in the same things you do. Try to see that underneath the statements, there is emotion that people are trying to express. Please try to affirm and support their emotional experience because that is what I know is true and real in the moment. On a macro level, this is how we come together and solve big, hard issues like abortion rights. On a micro level, this is how we connect more deeply and heal past wounds so that we can live more fully, with more aliveness in the future.