A Parody -"The Urgent Case of the ESG Report", for the Workplace Safety & Health Professionals among you.
Christian Hopper
Partnering with leaders to improve culture and safety performance, using DEKRA behavioural science based tools, development program and coaching support. Multilingual HSE training specialist.
A Parody-Det. Inspector Frust & The Urgent Case of the ESG Report.
(with thanks and apologies to R. D. Wingfield, views/ writing my own, not of my employer- Christian Hopper)
Characters
Det. Inspector. FRUST, OSH Branch -a frustrated Health & Safety Manager, top social crime solver
Chief Constable MULLITT - a pressurised Director, always looking for promotion
Scene: Safety Investigation Bureau, Denton Office (Theft of Productivity Dept.),
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Mullitt - Ah, Frust there you are- my office, ten minutes, there’s a good chap.
Frust - But Chief, I am interviewing suspects in the local Warehouse Accident case.
Mullitt - Who’s that? Not Miss. Understanding again, what her alibi this time?
Frust - Yes, Sir. None Sir, its Miss. Management, Mr. Rush and Miss-The-Deadline; they’re all in cahoots, we think. We had to let Miss D'Equipment go, as she wasn't all there.
Mullitt - Well, get George to take over that, and get in my office now, it’s important.
Frust - Very well Sir.
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Frust - What is it, Sir?
Mullitt - It’s the Commissioner, she’s been on at me again about nailing this ESG Mob, top priority, all eyes on this at the top.
Frust - What Sir, over safety, I thought SAFETY was our number one priority here... [mutters under breath] sometimes we catch thieves of productivity, business success and health too, when I get the time…
Mullitt - None of that cheek, Frust. Yes, SAFETY FIRST. AND Health & Wellbeing Frust, I thought you’d done the training?
Frust - Yes, Sir, Online .Very engaging Sir. Took me 20 minutes Sir. Nice certificate!
Mullitt - Listen here Frust- This Force’s reputation, and our division is at stake if we don’t round up some of these ESGs by the next Board meeting on Friday.
Frust - I’ll see what I can do Sir. What about some help from other depts?
Mullitt - Well. Not sure about HR, all on leave. I think Facilities say they’re already on it, fixing the boiler again most likely, so you’re on your own for now Frust.
Frust - Again, Sir? By the way, Sir, I know you said safety is everybody’s dept, but you see, everybody is kind enough to keep me in a job by not doing their bit!
Mullitt - That’ll be all, Frust. Close the door on your way out, there’s a good chap. We need that report by tomorrow!
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Mullitt - Any news, Frust? What have you learned about this ESG Mob?
Frust - Some, Sir. There are three ringleaders. Environment. Social. Governance. Been operating for a while separately but looks like they got together a few years ago at one of those finance summits. Seems they are the key factors when measuring the sustainability and ethical impact of an investment in a business or company. They’ve expanded a lot these last few years, and now each have their own targets and indicators. The United Nations has got some very clear pictures of them, #Sustainable Development Goals, 17 of them there are, with 169 targets. Apparently, information on them is worth a fortune to institutional investors. Read it at https://www.globalgoals.org/
Mullitt- Bravo, Frust. Let’s get at them!
Frust- One thing, Chief. They’re non-binding, and we’ve got until 2030 to catch‘em.
Mullitt- Investors interested eh, well if our Pension’s at stake we’d better step up the search, and I need to give this to the Board by Friday or I bet our Divisional Funding might be cut…again.
Frust- (sarcastically) Right you are, Sir. I’ll drop this fatal Accident Investigation and get right on it, shall I.
Mullitt- [rattled] DO BOTH, FRUST! Hmm, Governance, you say! I think I saw her at our HQ only last year, very authoritative, what does she look like now?
Frust- Yes, Sir. I know. Well, she changes her appearance from time to time, but usually looks like authority, accountability, leadership, direction and control exercised in an organisation -increasingly all of these. The team and I have discussed it and we think Governance is a Head Office function, not local branch or safety dept.
Mullitt- Hmmn. They would say that, wouldn’t they.. Very well, I’ll check with our Company Secretary. Good work. What about Environment, and who’s this Social?
Frust- Environment, well, what to say. Been around since the 80’s, came from the rainforest Sir. Recently aided and abetted by that Greta YouKnowWho- well, we can’t nick her as she’s underage and out of our jurisdiction. Used to hide in the rainforests, but these days mainly underwater. Very popular with the kids these days, you know Sir, is Environment. What do we do about her?
Mullitt- Electric fleet! There’s your answer, I quite fancy one of those new E-Cars. Mind you, didn’t we just roll out new diesels last year.
Frust- Good idea, Sir. Now, this Social Sustainability, there’s some good news there.
Mullitt- What, have you banged them up already?
Frust - Well, not all, but it turns out WHS and OSH Training (that’s Workplace Health & Safety to you n me guv) who we know has got previous form, is very important to Social.
Mullitt- Go on, Frust…tell me more
Frust- In fact, Social depends on her quite heavily in four of these SDG areas -3-Good health & wellbeing, 4-Quality Education, 8-Decent Work. We think 17- Partnership for the Goals could be had also, if we get our heads together with other forces overseas, mind you we cant charge them our usual rates. And I reckon we can NAB ‘GRI Reporting Framework 403’, who as it turns out has something to do with all this safety malarkey that us Safety & Health Detectives do so well. I’ve asked George to check our safety policy and our training records with the Learning & Development team and see what we can put together for you.
Mullitt- Good job, Frust- well bring them in for questioning then, let’s see what these SDGs have to say for themselves about Social Sustainability then and what we can report to the Board. I think you may be in for a Promotion on this!
Frust Hope it’s a paid one this time, Chief, not like ‘Quality’ last year!
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Frust - Well George, turns out that between us we’ve nailed a good bit of SDG3, 4 & 8 just by doing our old jobs here in Safety & Health Division. Hopefully, they’ll approve our funding for software so we can keep track of the rascals, and I’ll put in for a PAYRISE !
George- Well done Guv-Chief looked happy. Another Mystery Solved. Cup of Tea?
Frust - FAIR TRADE, I hope!
George - Of Course, Guv! Teabag looks green! Not sure about that new kettle though!
ALL LAUGH, EXEUNT
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MORAL OF THE STORY
Thank you, I hope you enjoyed this piece of original writing. If you and your OSH team lead, OSH VP/Director or corporate organisation would like a less humorous discussion about how to advance and reposition OSH performance to support ESG/SDG goals through, please contact a competent professional.
Christian Hopper asserts his right to be acknowledged as unique author of this piece, 2021. All rights reserved. United Kingdom.
Partnering with leaders to improve culture and safety performance, using DEKRA behavioural science based tools, development program and coaching support. Multilingual HSE training specialist.
3 年How are these specific #sustainabledevelopmentgoals #SDG related targets relevant to us here in my organisation, as well as in my role in #occupationalsafetyandhealth #workplacehealthandsafety? #healthandsafety #safetytraining Is it a focus? Are we doing this at all? Are we doing enough, or are we doing this effectively enough? ??How do we measure this? What should we do to move the dial??How, by when? I hope these stimulate useful discussions and efforts. #SDG3 Good Health & Wellbeing 3.2 By 2030, end preventable deaths of new-borns and under-five children. 3.4 By 2030, reduce by one-third premature mortality from non-communicable diseases (NCDs) through prevention and treatment, and promote mental health and wellbeing 3.6 By 2020, halve global deaths and injuries from road traffic accidents 3.9 By 2030 substantially reduce the number of deaths and illnesses from hazardous chemicals and air, water, and soil pollution and contamination 3.d. Strengthen the capacity of all countries, particularly developing countries, for early warning, risk reduction, and management of national and global health risks 3.c. Increase substantially health financing and the recruitment, development and training and retention of the health workforce in developing countries, especially in LDCs and SIDS #SDG4 Quality Education 4.3 By 2030, ensure equal access for all women and men to affordable quality technical, vocational and tertiary education, including university 4.5 By 2030, eliminate gender disparities in education and ensure equal access to all levels of education and vocational training for the vulnerable, including persons with disabilities, indigenous peoples, and children in vulnerable situations 4.b By 2020, substantially expand globally the number of scholarships for developing countries in particular least developed countries, small island developing States and African countries for enrolment in higher education, including vocational training, and communications technology, technical, engineering and scientific programs in developed countries and other developing countries #SDG8 Decent Work 8.8 Protect labour rights and promote safe and secure working environments of all workers, including migrant workers, particularly women migrants, and those in precarious employment 8.2 Achieve higher levels of productivity of economies through diversification, technological upgrading and innovation, including through a focus on high value added and labour-intensive sectors #SDG10 Reduced Inequalities 10.a. Implement the principle of special and differential treatment for developing countries, in particular least developed countries, in accordance with WTO agreement 10.3?Ensure equal opportunity and reduce inequalities of outcome, including through eliminating discriminatory laws, policies and practices and promoting appropriate legislation, policies and actions in this regard #SDG17 Collaborations & Partnerships (Capacity Building) 17.9 Enhance international support for implementing effective and targeted capacity-building in developing countries to support national plans to implement all the sustainable development goals, including through North-South, South-South and triangular cooperation 17.16 Enhance the global partnership for sustainable development, complemented by multi-stakeholder partnerships that mobilize and share knowledge, expertise, technology and financial resources, to support the achievement of the sustainable development goals in all countries, in particular developing countries.
Partnering with leaders to improve culture and safety performance, using DEKRA behavioural science based tools, development program and coaching support. Multilingual HSE training specialist.
3 年Thanks for your nice feedback and DMs, I really enjoyed this creative writing exercise with a purpose, and appreciate the tone of the characters may not be understood if you haven't watched this British TV program! I have added some points to reflect upon at the bottom of the article now, hope this helps you a little to consider your understanding and learn more about #sdgs2030 .