Parkland, 3 Months Later - The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

Every day, I drive home from work on the Sawgrass Expressway heading South.

As I approach my exit, I look to my right and see Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School.

In the short time it takes me to go over the overpass, I try to convince myself that the senseless tragedy that occurred 3 months ago on these grounds did not happen.

That is was just a bad dream.

As I pass by the intersection of Coral Ridge Drive and Holmberg Road, a feeling of helplessness comes over me. On that fateful day, I waited outside MSD High School until I was able to hug my daughter and knew she was safe. I ran down this exact road right afterwards, to go get my son who was on lockdown at Westglades Middle School – right next door.

In the distance, I see the Marriott where all of the victims’ families heard the dreadful news.

Most see it as a hotel.

I see it as a painful reminder.

I see the Starbucks filled with kids hanging out, laughing, looking at their phones; while the woman next to me is texting while driving.

It is at that moment I realize that people are doing their best to move on, and just trying to “normalize” their lives.

Whatever that means now.

Recognizing the reality, I continue to look for some sort of explanation as to why this happened, or how we got here.

3 months.

Seems like 3 years.

Or 3 decades.

And as I imagine with any tragic occurrence of this magnitude, a lot has changed in 3 months. 

But a lot hasn’t.

There has been some good.

There has been some bad.

And there most definitely has been some ugly.

The Good:

I preface this sentence by stating that “Good” is a relative term; There is no good for the families that lost loved ones, or ones that were injured. They all, however, should be commended for using their platform for safer schools, sensible gun control, and their attempts at making sure this never happens again. They face each day with tremendous courage and conviction; and although they never asked to be a part of this club, they are making an incredible impact for future generations. I am amazed at their resilience, at their composure, and at their ability to define their new life. 

I can’t even face them without breaking down, or experience extreme panic and fear that I will say something (or not say something) that will detract anything away from their healing.

The charitable organizations they have started such as Safe Schools for Alex, Make our Schools Safe, Orange Ribbons for Jaime, Meadow’s Movement, Change the Ref, and others have all facilitated the pathway for change, and instigated the need to look at the way things were previously done.

The world’s response to the tragedy has also been amazing. It seems everyone has a one or two degree separation from someone in our community. Between the financial and emotional support, words are unable to express the appreciation we all feel as a result of their generosity. At least once a week I drive by the school in the morning, and I see the Guardian Angels directing traffic. (Kudos to the Parkland City Council for recognizing them at last month’s meeting.) These men and women are not paid, and their presence certainly makes everyone feel safer.

The students are also an awesome sight to see. As I am sure the generation did before me, I questioned whether this “video game playing, entitled, questionable work ethic” generation could have any impact on society. 

I couldn’t have misjudged these groups of kids any more if I tried.

They are articulate, intelligent, tech savvy, PR geniuses that are putting just about every adult to shame.

There are just as many, if not more, doing what they feel can help the community heal. For instance, Sawyer Garrity and Andrea Pe?a, wrote the song “Shine”, that has become the anthem of the healing movement. A group of 7 drama students (including my daughter), perform the song at different events and help raise money for various charities – including our own at www.shinemsd.org. They have a large social media gathering, including its own YouTube channel, and recently released the video for Shine that can be seen here: https://www.facebook.com/ShineMSD.org/videos/377215266091033/.

The Bad:

We continue to find out more on a daily basis, about how this tragedy could have been avoided. There were so many warning signs, and so much more that could have been done.

The problem is no one wants to take responsibility, and they simply blame the “other” failures.

The truth is everyone is responsible.

The School.

The School Board.

Broward Sheriff’s Office.

FBI.

The School Resource Officer.

The good people that took the shooter in.

Military Assault Rifles.  

And unless everyone is willing to concede that all played a role – my concern is that we are going to go around and around on this merry go round of “Well if INSERT BLAME COMMENT HERE, this wouldn’t have happened”.

Parenting in these unchartered waters has also been challenging for everyone involved. Some students don’t like hearing loud noises; others don’t want to be in a room alone. Some are completely unaffected. 

All need to be parented differently.

Social media has been an incredible gift and curse at the same time. It has allowed for the MSD community to be on the world stage to advocate for what we think is right, and although there has been great support, it has also been met with incredible vitriol for anyone who opposes. Thousands have been unfriended or unfollowed, and I don’t know anyone who has engaged in a debate online who has conceded victory.

Nor have I witnessed a written debate that didn’t get personal.

My own social media habits have changed.

I feel tremendous guilt posting anything that may give the appearance that I may have forgotten what happened.

For instance, I used to post pictures of the empty toilet paper rolls, that my kids never seem to feel the need to replace. 

Like somehow it’s outside their job description as a kid to replace the toilet paper roll when finished.

Now, instead of finding it frustrating (although funny enough to post on Facebook because most people can relate), I now just appreciate the fact that my kids are around to leave the holder paperless.

Maybe one day I’ll get back to it – and I may even add to my repertoire. I’ll post pictures of empty soap dispensers, empty paper towel racks, garbage overflowing, empty toothpaste tubes, dishes in the sink, socks on the floor, etc.

Today however, is not that day.

The Ugly:

The one thing that I have learned from this experience, is that leadership is paramount to the success of the healing process. The Parkland City Council, led by our Mayor Christine Hunschofsky, has been remarkable in terms of leading our city out of the black cloud that has been here since February. Although they have provided strong support and guidance, their best attribute has been their ability to listen.

Without judgement.

And a promise to do what is right for the community, regardless if it interferes with their own agenda.

In my opinion, President Trump has done a poor job of leading this particular issue. (I say this as a registered Republican, and someone who will benefit from his tax plan as a business owner.)

He has allowed it to become “normal” to personally attack anyone who doesn’t agree with you.

This is completely unacceptable.

The personal attacks on the student and family activists, as well as the personal attacks on the NRA/Trump should never occur if we truly want any sort of change.

Want to address your point of view? 

Have at it. 

Just leave the name calling at home.

One of my first bosses, the late great Chuck Fleming, once said to me that people talk about the weather when they have nothing else to talk about.

25 years later and that still holds true.

The same can be said of the gun/mental health debate. When people can’t back up their stance with valid points, they resort to personal attacks when they have nothing else to talk about.

I have several friends who are extreme far to the right and extreme far to the left. The items they post on social media make me shake my head – the memes, the references to Hitler, etc -  and because they often associate themselves with only like-minded people, they think what they post is appropriate, and more disturbingly, right. 

The truth is, probably less than 10% of the entire population agrees with them – the rest are somewhere in the middle. 

Now let’s address the gun debate for a moment.

I still have yet to meet any hunter who uses a Military Assault Style Rifle. 99% of the people that I meet who are gun owners all agree to some sort of sensible gun laws. The few that aren’t make arguments such as “It’s a mental health issue”, “You won’t take away my 2nd Amendment rights”, etc.

Neither argument makes sense to me since no one is talking about banning all guns (Cue “That’s the start of it!”), and yes, mental health is an issue and needs to be addressed and monitored.

I’m still pissed off the NRA not only didn’t hire me to be their CEO - they didn’t even let me know they had a President position open.

They could have at least let me write Oliver North’s opening speech at the NRA convention.

I find it hard to believe speech writers sat around and said “Yup, let’s go with this: Ollie - call the Parkland Activists Civil Terrorists and you will get a standing ovation”.

 But they did.

 Call me crazy, but I take issue with anyone attacking kids personally or attacking families of victims - regardless if you agree with them or not. And I’m sure it’s not the best PR strategy.

If you don’t agree with what they are saying or doing, that’s fine.

But to personally attack just makes you look weak, and completely diminishes your argument.

And this goes both ways. On both sides of the debate.

Now I do believe when bad things happen, good things can come from it.

 It will take strong leadership, conviction, & compassion.

I think we are on the right track here.

It will take the resilience of the entire community to help support those in need.

We are definitely moving in the right direction.

It will take better communication amongst those that differ in our views.

 And it will most definitely take a new speech writer for the NRA.

 

Thank you for your continued support of our community. Please consider donating to alexschachter.org, makeourschoolssafe.org, remembermeadow.com, orangeribbonsforjaime.org, changetheref.org, or shinemsd.org.