Are Parents too Involved in Youth Sports?
Hernan Chousa
CEO | Author | Podcast Host | Parenting Course Creator | Zinc Flake Coating Expert | Sports Parenting Advocate
Last week I chatted with?Victor Bergonzoli, Sports Ed TV's CEO. It was our first one, even though I have been writing for the platform for about a couple of months. The conversation touches on the agreement with the Chinese basketball federation (FIBA), a fantastic accomplishment, and about trends and the new sports parenting tag with new outstanding contributors like?Asia Mape.?
—Why don't you write about a topic parents can apply to immediately?
—...—I nodded
—Something they can apply and have a positive result right away —he emphasized.
Thinking about my contribution to the blog, five articles in less than two months, and the boss is asking for a quick fix. At first glance, it was a tough call. The mind has secrets; the more you push, the better you get.
David Goggins, the American ultramarathon runner, author, and public speaker, says that a person is at 40% of his capacity when they think they are done. If you can push further such a point, a world of possibilities emerges. Mentored by David, I searched deep in my mind and came up with something valuable.
—Practice —I said.
—What do you mean?
—Parents shouldn't attend practices —negating with my head.
—Well —he smiled— I've been through the such path. A hard one with my girls.?
—We all had our share, Victor —and we laughed.
I've been guilty about it because I attended my kid's practice when they played tennis. They are in their twenties now and still play, but that's another story.
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I loved watching them play back then, even though I didn't realize my contribution was harmful. Why? Because I was evaluating the coach's performance, as a former tennis player, I had plenty of experience, and believe me, I there was a mistake in my kid's training, I would discover it. The damage didn't stop there because I shared all my insights with them on the ride back home, another main topic in sports parenting.
What did I achieve? Relief in my mind unloading it, confusion in them, and lowering their confidence in their coach. I know it's hard not to attend our son or daughter's practice, so I listed five reasons not to do it below.
?Interference with Coaching:?Parents who attend practice sessions can often interfere with the coach's ability to run the session effectively. They may offer unsolicited advice or criticism to their child or other players, disrupting the session flow and potentially confusing the athletes.
?Decreased Independence and Confidence:?Children may feel overly monitored or pressured when parents attend practices, leading to reduced independence and confidence. This can be especially problematic for children who are naturally more introverted or sensitive.
?Increased Pressure and Expectations:?If a parent is constantly present at practice sessions, they may place unrealistic expectations and pressure on their child to perform at a certain level. This can negatively affect the child's mental health and overall enjoyment of the sport.
?Distraction for the Athletes:?Children may become distracted if they know their parent's presence during practice. This can impact their focus and ability to absorb information and effectively participate in the session.
?Impact on Coach-Athlete Relationship:?The relationship between a coach and their athletes is critical for effective coaching. If parents attend practices, it can be challenging for the coach to establish and maintain an appropriate level of authority and rapport with the athletes. This can negatively impact the effectiveness of the coaching and the overall experience for the athletes.
Stories are far better than facts, so I share one worth watching in the following video. This lesson is one of the 25 of the?Parentshift online course, where I distilled the skills, as parents, we have to train. Today, start with this one, and you will be halfway there. As Loa Tse said, 'The journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.'
To summarize, do you attend your son or daughter's math class at school? I don't think so. You let the teacher teach your son, so let the coach do his job. Everyone has a role, as in a band; play on the scale. Your kid will appreciate it, and you'll be significantly rewarded.
Larri Passos Tennis Pro: Brasil-Flórida
1 年Hi Hernan! Congrats for the article , I remember a lot off histories about Guga’s mother . One off this histories guga was with fifteen years old when she went to watch, after thirty minutes she desapered, when she coming back I asked…..why you desapeared….she sad poor boy he sufer too mutch ???????????? she coming back and enjoied a lot when he went number one in the world. Allways my relationship with the parents is very honest, the teachers and coaches always needs to be in touch with the parents. I loved your post.
CEO at Beyond Pulse
1 年Too involved for sure. As a coach for many years and a parent of four student-athletes there is no doubt in my mind that parents, in general, have been taking youth sports way too seriously for a long time. Especially at earlier ages playing sports is about enjoying the activity itself....not about winning, or anything else!
Director of Sales - R&R Construction
1 年I always like to defer to my experience coaching kids who's father played professionally. Virtually EVERY ex-pro plays a minimal role in their child's sports endeavors. The reason; they realize the experience belongs to their child (not them). The child has to navigate the waters, create the drive within themselves to succeed and learn how to be a good teammate who is coachable. The bigger problem in my opinion is that parents expect a perfect coach. Someone with a highly decorated background, immense knowledge, and who handles every situation perfectly. Coaches are just like the rest of us, they are also learning and most are doing their absolute best. They will make mistakes, do things you don't agree with, and put countless hours in that you don't see. I chose to coach because I loved the games I was coaching. I embarked on a non-stop learning adventure and made great relationships with other coaches, many parents and former players. However, I also was disparaged, cussed at, called out to fight and generally lambasted because their child hadn't earned the playing time that a teammate had. It eventually drove me away from the game because the aggravation wasn't worth the time I put in.
Psychologist, Consultant, two time New York Times Bestselling Author, B-School Lecturer, Keen Observer of the Human Race
1 年great points. Unfortunately, too many parents have their egos wrapped up in how their kid performs , puts pressure on them to win when in fact the kid is just an average athelte and this can turn a kid off to sports to say nothing of hurting their mental health. My advice is just make sure your kid has a good time playing sports.