Are Parents Responsible For Their Kids?

I was brutally bullied in high school. My bullies even assaulted my family. The only way I was able to stop the attacks was to take my bullies’ parents to court, and I won. I recently wrote a memoir, Attacked!, about the terrifying months my family and I were attacked by the bullies.

That got me thinking about the role parents play in bullying.

Some parents bully their kids, which can lead to their kids becoming bullies. Some parents ignore their kids and they don’t know what their kids do. Some parents act responsibly, but their kids get involved with a gang anyway.

But I discovered something fascinating about how truthful or knowledgeable parents are willing to be when I sent out surveys for my memoir, Attacked!

One of my surveys was a poll to choose versions of the cover design and various loglines I’d written. I added a few other questions to the brief survey about whether the respondent had been bullied, or if they had been a bully, or if they were a parent of a kid who was bullied, or a parent of a bully.

Of the several hundred responses I got, the numbers of those bullied, about 60%, were roughly double the national average and about 17% admitted they had been a bully. A decent percentage said they were the parent of a bullied kid. You can find more details about bullying at https://www.stopbullying.gov/resources/facts.

But here’s the shocker, ZERO people admitted to being the parent of a bully. 0. Nada. Statistically that was impossible. But there it was, not one person admitted to it.

So that got me thinking about parents, including those I took to court and others I personally know.

One friend who had taken the survey called me and told me his daughter was a bully, but he wouldn’t admit it, even on an anonymous survey. How many other parents wouldn’t admit to raising a bully? How many didn’t know?

That’s why my family had to warn my bullies’ parents in a court of law before they could be charged and arrested for failure to control the actions of their kids. We had to have legal proof that the parents knew about the actions of their kids and give them the opportunity to control the situation.

The survey results also reminded me of a neighbor we had a few years ago.

“Louis”, the father, left town for a few days and his two teenagers were left on their own. His son had multiple instances of fighting and drugs at his high school, but Louis never believe his son was at fault.

I was in my driveway while Louis was away when I heard his daughter scream and run out of the house. His son followed, tackled his sister and started beating her in the front yard.

I ran over, pulled the boy off his sister and kept them apart. Two days later my neighbor came home. I told him what had happened…and he didn’t believe me. He couldn’t believe that his son could do such a thing even though his daughter confirmed it. His response was anger at me and didn’t talk to me for months.

Parents are often the last to know that their kids are hurting others, or even worse, they do know and either don’t care and do nothing about it. Pride can make them blind.

My survey reminded me of what I had learned 40 years ago, that some bullies’ parents are ignorant and others were complicit when I had to have my bullies’ parents arrested for failing to control them.

Mark Simon is the author of his memoir, Attacked!, about how he and his family were attacked and how he became the first person in the country to hold parents responsible for the actions of their kids. He is a story artist on popular shows like Stranger Things, The Walking Dead, Black Lightning and Dynasty. His books can be found at www.MarkSimonBooks.com/Attacked .