Parents are key to greater school success

Have you ever mopped somewhere and before it is dry, someone walks on the floor leaving footprints? How did you feel? Annoyed I bet. It did for me. Secretly, or behind closed doors, this is how many headteachers and teachers feel in schools about how some parents at home "undo" all of the good work that they do with their children in school.

At least this is what many leaders and teachers, have shared in planning sessions (not the same mopping example), which is understandable. I get their frustration. Teachers have an hard job and are under so much pressure such as governmental expectations, national standards, and student progress, etc. However just, the sense of frustration is that teachers feel, this frustration must be embraced, as it is not going away anytime soon and never will, why?

Children will always have parents

And many feel no obligation to attend, agree or collaborate with the school. Regardless, what policies a school has in place, it cannot force a parent to give above and beyond the support that the school requires or for their child to achieve. The fact that many parents do not get involved in helping the education of their children is not fair, but no one said it was supposed to be? Life is not, and it is more unfair for some. However, as educators, what can we do about it because this is a reality that we have to live with?

Look and approach parental involvement differently.

Did you notice, I wrote "parental involvement" because really what on earth, does "parental engagement" really mean? I guess it is some of that pseudo-governmental jargon created in a think tank somewhere in the proximity of Westminister (excuse me, if I am wrong) or it is one of the education whizzes that had some success and now it is phrased this way due to their discovery. The term parental engagement means nothing outside of schools and is not typical talk or a common term. However, I admit I have used it, but in the main, it will do nothing for developing school/parent relationships.

Either way, it is about breaking things down to a 'human' level, for those who already have children a "parent level" and to those who do not have children or don't want any "being a child again level." It is about involving parents and partnering with parents, in a congruent way. Ultimately, as an educator, you are bringing up their children in school, while they are bringing them up at home. So an effective partnership is necessary.

However you look at it, the parents, however, empowering or obtrusive, are the biggest and most influential stakeholders in primary and secondary education. Even on odds, to every child, there are two parents, whether they are in the same home or not. Following further and higher education, parents do tend to lose some of their influence, as children become young people that come into their own. However, until they experience that rite of passage, parents will continue to play a massive part. So depending on how you involve the parents will rely on the levels of success, you will achieve with their children.

I would love to say that I have had a brainwave or epiphany that changed how I viewed the above, which in turn influenced my practice enabling me to achieve extraordinary results - but this is not true. The reality is, I experienced dealing with upset, threatening and sometimes intimidating parents as well as parents who were not necessarily pleased. These parents were not scared of teachers, senior leaders and sometimes the law, and would turn up at the school to deal with matter, and my then senior leaders would ask me to deal with them to diffuse (or absorb) the situation that was spiralling out of control. 

At other times, students brought personal issues to another child's house and disrespected their parents in the process which led to older siblings kicking off outside of school. Such situations called for me to get involved in bringing about community cohesion by speaking to members of different families through mediation. My learning about the importance of parents and their influence was not limited to talking about reports and homework (which I have done too). Also, my experiences were not always so threatening, (they were at times though) however, I have discovered that winning greater influence with children, has a significant correlation with building rapport and developing cordial relationships with parents and guardians.

So from my experience, here are three things to consider when developing healthy relationships with parents:

"Adjust your parental paradigm"

One of the real issues as educators are how we sometimes consider parents in the school, child and education equation. The truth is, some parents may not be extremely helpful concerning doing homework with their children (some parents have low literacy levels), but they can still be very useful, in supporting the means and achieving the end. So how we look at parents, is key because it influences how we speak, think and communicate with them.

"Express how much you need them"

To me, this is not a just a good idea or even tokenistic. The deep level of impact that we endeavour to achieve CANNOT be accomplished, without the help of the parents. We will always achieve varying levels of impact and success, dependent on how involved parents are (as well as other variables). However, when we can get the parents on-side and enabling them to see, that we want the same thing that they do, this dramatically increases the quality of success we experience.

"Treat them like human beings"

This final one may seem obvious and potentially patronising, but honestly, I do not mean to be, so please follow me for a moment, before drawing the above conclusion (if tempted to). As you are aware, every parent has a story, and that story influences the narrative of their thinking. Let me explain: if a parent had a beautiful school experience they will react and view school in a way that resonates with that experience. However, if a parent had a bad school experience, when they think of school, they will have thoughts and feelings that accompany that narrative with connotations that influence their actions. Sadly, when most parents do not embrace school, it is because of the latter. 

For this reason, when we explicitly consider the above it changes how we write to parents, form our judgments and how we accommodate them. The successes that we have had, when schools have commissioned us to achieve greater parental involvement, our number one approach is just treating parents like "people first and parents second." By understanding their apprehensions and fears, desires and wants for their children (Or the opposite), we can help them to navigate beyond beliefs that were long established (if contrary) and the only way we can do that (to me), is to communicate with the heart first and the head second. By doing this, they feel heard, understood, valued and included and this is achieved by focussing on theirs and our humanity. Moreover, of course, thinking and intellect is a big part of the equation but not the driver. I hope this helps.

"Any thoughts? Please share them in the comments. I would love to hear from you".

So to develop healthy and meaningful relationships with parents is not only laudable but crucial if we are to achieve greater results for the children and to encourage family learning.

Thank you for your time and for reading my thoughts.

Warm wishes

Herman

Herman Stewart is the founder and CEO of Every Child Needs a Mentor. He is a pioneering, award-winning mentor, an author, speaker, volunteer and a passionate campaigner for young people. As well as being a Chair of Governors, he is a Trustee of the Board of Victoria Academies Trust and a Leadership Fellow at St Georges College, Windsor Castle. His work has been rated as ‘High Quality’ by Ofsted, and his programme was awarded for closing the achievement gap.