Parents? Giving your child their first smartphone? Top 3 things challenges overwhelming parents

Hi everyone,

Thinking about getting your child their first smartphone? Maybe for Christmas or the new school year?

From my research with hundreds of Australian families I've found 3 surprises that catch most parents off guard, and because they weren't prepared for them they often find them overwhelming to deal with.?

Three Things Parents are Unprepared for with First Phones

1. Friend Requests and Group Chats

No one expects how fast this hits. The first day brings so many friend requests, not just close friends, but random classmates, old teammates, and friends-of-friends. Kids get pulled into multiple group chats at once. Without any plan for handling this, both parents and kids feel overwhelmed.

2. The Never-Ending Scroll

The phone becomes glued to their hands. That "just for emergencies" promise disappears by day two. Kids start checking their phones constantly; at meals, before bed, first thing in the morning. Parents aren't ready for how hard it is to get kids to put phones down.

3. Notification Intensity

It starts with a few basic apps, but then hits hard in two ways. First, there's constant pressure to download new apps because different friend groups use different ones. Then there's the overwhelming flood of notifications from the apps they already have, one group chat turns into ten. Every app sends alerts about likes, comments, tags, and updates. Children feel pressure to keep up with all of it, and parents aren't prepared for how intense and distracting this gets.

These three things happen fast, usually in the first week. Without talking about them ahead of time, families end up struggling to set boundaries after habits are already forming. Starting these conversations before the phone arrives makes it much easier. The rules can change and adjust in the first few weeks of phone ownership, and having a set of rules from day 1 stops makes rules on the run.

Start Talking About These Things Today:

Friends and Following Talk about who they'll connect with online. Make it real: "If someone in your English class wants to follow you, what would you do?" Help them think about their comfort zone before the requests start rolling in.

Daily Routines Work out the simple stuff now. Where will phones sleep at night? What about dinner time? Homework time? When kids help make these plans, they're more likely to stick to them.

App Choices Instead of dealing with each app request one by one (trust me, there will be many!), talk about what makes a good app. What will you look for? What's not okay? Make it a team decision, you and your child working this out together.

Why Start Now? It's like planning for a trip, you don't wait until you're at the airport to pack your bags. When you talk about these things before the phone arrives:

• Your child can think clearly without pressure from friends
• You can have calm conversations instead of heated, rushed decisions??
• Everyone knows what to expect

The Big Win! You're not just getting ready for a phone, you're helping your child learn how to use technology well. Starting these talks early means fewer surprises and less stress for everyone.

I've developed a free guide to help parents to know what to say and do in the weeks leading up to their child's first phone and the first weeks that follow. shorturl.at/dubFM

Thanks everyone.

Dr Jo