Parenting Through Stressful Times: Supporting Your Child's Mental Health
Parenting is a journey filled with joys, challenges, and countless questions. Amid rising academic pressures, shifting family dynamics, and the overwhelming flow of information online, parents often wonder: Am I adding stress to my child’s life?
Drawing from a heartfelt conversation among parents, let’s explores common concerns about parenting stressors, offers insights into recognising when to be concerned about a child’s mental health, and shares actionable advice on finding support.
This article is adapted from the transcript of Season 2, Episode 4 of our podcast Mindful Dialogues “Is My Kid Really Okay?” with guest Dr Lim Choon Guan, Chief of Dept of Developmental Psychiatry, and mother of three, Jaishri Perumal, along with our host Dr Tchern Kuang Lambert Low , Chief of Department of Addiction Medicine at IMH.
Recognising Stressful Periods for Children and Families
Stress doesn’t occur in isolation—it often emerges from specific situations that place children and families under pressure. Understanding these triggers helps parents anticipate challenges and offer timely support.
Academic Pressures
Education is often at the forefront of family stress. For children, exams are a major source of anxiety. The high-stakes nature of assessments like PSLE can amplify the pressure, as grades are often seen as defining their future opportunities.
Dr Lim Choon Guan:
Particularly during exam times and especially during the high-stakes exams, I think it’s not just the young persons who are stressed—parents are probably very stressed too, isn’t it?
This shared anxiety can create a feedback loop where the parent’s stress inadvertently adds to the child’s burden. Even outside exam periods, concerns about time management, study habits, and academic performance can strain family dynamics.
Social Challenges
Children and adolescents navigate complex social landscapes that influence their mental well-being. They deal with issues such as:
These situations often go unnoticed unless parents actively engage with their children.
Family Dynamics
The home environment significantly impacts a child’s mental health. Parental conflicts, such as frequent arguments or divorce, can create a sense of instability. Additionally, parenting styles, whether overbearing or overly lenient, can influence a child’s emotional state.
Dr Lim Choon Guan:
When parents are having conflicts or even talking about divorce, how often do we examine the role we play in our children’s lives?
Dr Lambert:
I think you’ve raised an important point. As parents, we often face stresses like divorce or being overly focused on our children’s grades. But how often do we reflect on the roles we play in their lives? Sometimes, I wonder if I’m being a helicopter parent. Have any of you felt the same?
Jaishri:
My boys are in Primary 3, and the exam phase has just started. Parenting feels different at this stage. I find myself hovering—making sure they stay on top of things, which can get quite stressful. Last semester, I became strict because I was afraid they might develop bad habits if I didn’t enforce certain routines. I worry about the long-term impact of this approach. When exams aren’t happening, it’s a different dynamic. I’m trying to teach them discipline and time management, but I notice they tend to slack off, especially my boys. I’m not sure if this is a gender difference or just my perception. Either way, I often have to push them more, and I wonder if that’s helpful or harmful in the long run.
Children are highly perceptive and may internalise the tensions they observe, potentially leading to feelings of insecurity or withdrawal.
Avoiding Misdiagnosis Through Mindful Observation
The abundance of information on neurodevelopmental conditions such as ADHD or autism can create unnecessary anxiety for parents. Misinterpreting symptoms often leads to over-diagnosis.
Jaishri:
One of my kids sometimes seems less attentive to us. For instance, when he’s watching TV and we call him, it takes a while for him to respond. With so much information on social media, many of us tend to turn to "Dr. Google," noticing small behaviours and jumping to conclusions about what they might mean.
Dr Lim Choon Guan:
The challenge with these conditions is that they go beyond just ticking boxes on a checklist. Let’s be honest—if you read the ADHD criteria, most of us could probably relate to a few symptoms now and then. But it’s not just about occasional behaviours; it’s about patterns. These symptoms need to show up early, stick around, and genuinely affect the child’s life. That’s why, as you said, it’s so important to keep an eye on whether these signs persist and cause real struggles for the child.
To avoid this, parents should:
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Building a Collaborative Approach to Parenting
Parenting is often described as one of the most demanding and rewarding roles. Yet, it’s also a role best shared—both with one’s partner and a broader network of support. A collaborative approach not only lightens the load but also brings diverse perspectives that can enhance a child’s upbringing.
Dr Lim Choon Guan:
Parenting is not a single person’s responsibility. If you have questions along your parenting journey, who can you ask? Work with people around you—professionals, teachers, even other parents. There’s support available even within the community, such as Family Service Centers offering online parenting courses.
Benefits of Collaboration
A collaborative approach to parenting is about leaning on each other, seeking guidance from trusted resources, and knowing it’s okay to ask for help. Whether it’s through open discussions with your partner, consulting teachers, connecting with other parents, or engaging with community resources, you’re not alone in this journey.
By fostering a team mindset, you’ll not only strengthen your parenting strategies but also create a nurturing environment for your child to thrive.
Encouraging Open Communication with Your Child
Children often fear sharing their struggles, worried about angering or burdening their parents. Addressing this starts with self-awareness:
Dr Lim Choon Guan:
When I really find it difficult and angry words are going to come out, I step into the kitchen to take a cold drink… I remind myself: I want to guide my child, not hurt them.
Other strategies include:
Building Resilience Together
Parenting is about finding the balance between guidance and empathy, structure and flexibility. By managing our anxieties, fostering open communication, and seeking support, we can nurture our children’s emotional and mental well-being.
Remember, it’s okay to seek help from teachers, school counsellors, or community resources.
As mentioned by Dr Lim Choon Guan:
Parenting is a journey of self-reflection. It’s about how we learn, adapt, and support our children together.
Let’s continue the conversation. Share your experiences and strategies in the comments below. Together, we can navigate the complexities of parenting in today’s world.
About Dr Lim Choon Guan:
Dr Lim is a psychiatrist and adjunct assistant professor with the Duke-NUS Graduate Medical School and NTU. He is also involved in clinical research, with a special interest in ADHD and child mental health.
About Jaishri Perumal:
A dedicated mother of three energetic boys, Jaishri brings her fresh perspectives on parenting to our podcast. She advocates for mindful parenting and balancing personal growth with nurturing her children's needs.
About Dr Tchern Kuang Lambert Low :
Dr Lambert is Chief of Department of Addiction Medicine at IMH, A/Asst Prof with LKC School of Medicine and Duke-NUS Graduate Medical School. He is also a council member with Singapore Medical Association and a certified acupuncturist.