Parenting in Quarantine

As a dad for 3 daughters, working from home, quarantined for 4 weeks so far, I can’t lie to you, it’s like a mad house! And I won’t even try to guess how is it for my beloved wife having me all day long as the Viking of the land, I mean apartment.

Trying to juggle the balls of work pressure, keeping myself motivated and productive, getting groceries (which is like a war mission now), paying all the debits after pay cuts, and still keep the title of best parent ever with a smile on my face; Seems like a high benchmark!

Here’s a short answer, as a parent, you will not get it all, so stop trying, calm down, this is not a usual nor even a comparable situation, It’s literally an unprecedented time. focus on “What you have control over” and start looking at the future with a colorful eye, ask yourself one question,

“What kind of memories are you creating right now for your kids and family?” 

Here’s a model that should be relevant to you in the current situation, covering the main zones of accountability as a parent working from home during a lock-down while your kids are still at school and also after they get soon to the summer break. It might be different how you will relate to the model according to the age of your kids, so take what’s useful for you, work around what doesn’t fit, and create your own ways. Just do something to create a flourishing environment for yourself and family.

What goes around, comes around

The intersection between each zone represent a standalone zone. The zones work like a chain reaction, it starts with the pressure of satisfying the basic needs, in COVID-19 case the basic need turns to be your nervousness to keep your paycheck, job or financial income. Being pressured or stressed by the reality of this zone, will fire back in your own personal zone, in turn, that affects your interaction with your kids creating a crazy zone and will end by affecting their own zone, their study/life zone and unfortunately ends by creating a negative environment for all of you. it also goes the other way around , if their life zone is a sad and boring one, it will affect their study and personal zones, pour back into your common interactions, leading to a red crazy zone as well.

To break this negative chain of reactions, here are some practical tips that you can do for each zone:

Work Zone

Although that mainly depends on your work regulation, company status and job nature, yet, from the point of view that we control our lives, here are few things you can do about this zone whatever was the uncontrollable

• Say No, when possible
• Ask for help, it’s normal and expected
• Delegate tasks

Duty Zone

Now, more importantly, if you are not working and house hold activities are your duty zone, you need to realize that this is not a normal situation, new (big, time consuming and energy draining tasks) were just added to your plate, so you can’t do tasks exceeding your capacity, this will burn you out. Start thinking about how to:

If you are working from home:

Your Zone

What comes in, get’s out. You will not be able to support and create a fun environment for your kids and family, if you are not in a good mental condition. Remember the famous emergency instruction, help yourself first, so you can help others, this is an emergency!

Crazy Zone

Surprisingly, this zone will be the outcome of what you do in other zones, yet, here is the most important thing NOT TO DO, don’t keep the interaction to negative, authoritative or directive ones.

Their Zone

As you can read, it’s their Zone, let them decide what to do, not what you wish them to do. You can tell them lots of thing in other zones, here, try to put on the facilitator’s hat. Ask them what they want to do to feel good and happy, guide them (with no control), build on their ideas and create the best possible options to satisfy their needs.

Study Zone

Firstly, Stop panicking! It’s a global pandemic, no class, homework or grade would affect the future of your kid. Be realistic, did any of those really affected your present dramatically?

Life Zone

This zone is crucial as it fire-back in the reverse direction of the model. as better as you can get this zone right, the more fun becomes the red crazy zone.

It’s all about providing alternatives, this is the secret to deal with those angry moments when you ask you kid to close the TV, leave the phone or stop a fight over a toy with his sibling, then realize that there’s nothing else they can do to replace those activities (that’s how they consider them). The answer through providing other options for them to spend time, the more you get creative, the more you’ll buy time for yourself and will be astonished by how they will actually have fun doing other things and may be, learn throughout the process in a better way than wasting hours In-front of a screen(which we all use as the easiest way to keep them off our shoulders. Right?).

Here are few ideas:

Heads-up:

The result of what you do in all zones, will form an image in your kids mind, is your family environment, it’s either a toxic, dark, full of thunderstorms place or a shiny, colorful and breathtaking one. You are not going to get it right from the first time, or every time, the key is:

• Keep trying, the more interactions, the more the learning, then habits get created, then in becomes easier.
• Forgive yourself, forgive them and love them over and over again and again
• If you don’t have answers, that’s fine, make sure you role model how to try to figure answers out

Bottom line: ask yourself,

what kind of memories are you creating for your kids?

You create Your Environment, once you control your chain reaction, hopefully the red crazy zone will turn to a fun, happy, yet CRAZY Zone :)