Parenting With Patience

Yesterday, I had a very interesting conversation with my first daughter. My wife reported that she was having rebelling bouts with her and needed me to discipline. My first thought was to complete her mother's punishment routine of making her kneel for a little while, but I decided to have a conversation with her and made a startling discovery as we discussed her "rebellion".

Finally, we had a fruitful discussion and we agreed on what we needed her to start doing to earn her siblings and friends' respect. What I discovered was that she was having a little trouble making friends at school and this was eating away at her self confidence. Doing damage control was critical at this point, but first I needed her to see herself in a different light by saying positive words to reaffirm that she was a great person, had leadership qualities and was pretty astounding academically.

I find that today some children are having a hard time adjusting emotionally to peer rejection especially when they so desperately want to make friends at school. Because of our instinct for fellowship, friendship and mutual connection it is often difficult for us when we find that people may be and feel averse. As an adult you may be able to accept rejection and shrug it off. But with children it is an entirely different experience. Here are a few tips to help us when dealing with the issue of peer acceptance in your child's heart.

1. Help your child understand that labels and behaviour of friends do not define who he/she is. Take them through a positive confession and create a task and work schedule for them. This rebuilds their confidence and self esteem.

2. Set a daily routine. Children work with how they feel and are perceived but once we set them up in a routine they feel more valued.

3. Teach them survival skills but add to it the discipline of restraint. They need to learn how to be calm, gentle and respectful even when they are hurt by peer rejection.

4. Finally, modelling the behaviour you want to see in children requires a set goal and plan. Ensure you are patient and help them see that their responses have consequences while they are working on re-building self confidence in themselves..