Parenting Lessons from One of the Oldest Spiritual Books on Earth"

The Bhagavad Gita holds profound wisdom, and Chapter 3, Verse 21, teaches a lesson that is deeply relevant to parenting. The verse reads: “Yadyad ācharati ?hre?h?has, tad tad eva itaro jana?, Sa yat pramā?am kurute, lokas tad anuvartate.” Translation: "Whatever a great person does, others follow. Whatever standards they set, the world emulates."

This timeless wisdom emphasizes that actions speak louder than words, and it holds the core lesson for parenting. As parents, our behavior, values, and actions influence our children far more than any verbal instructions. This essay explores the responsibilities of parents, the negative effects of direct control, and the benefits of indirect guidance.

The Foundation of Parenting: Setting an Example

Parenting is not merely about instructing children but about being a role model. Children learn by observing their parents’ actions. Parents are the first teachers and influencers, shaping their children’s worldview and habits. According to psychological studies, the experiences a child has in their first 13 years significantly influence their personality, decision-making abilities, and overall life trajectory.

If parents want their children to develop positive habits, such as waking up early, exercising, or reading, the most effective way is for parents to demonstrate these habits themselves. Children are natural imitators, and they are more likely to follow actions than instructions.

The Problem with Direct Control

In many households, parents resort to direct control to guide their children. This often includes issuing commands like:

• "Don’t do this."
• "Do that instead."
• "This is right; this is wrong."

While such instructions may yield short-term obedience, they often create resentment in children. Here are the negative effects of direct control:

1. Suppression of Freedom

Every creature has an inherent desire for freedom, including children. Direct control suppresses this desire, leading to frustration and rebellion. Children who feel controlled are more likely to exhibit defiance and rudeness as they grow older.

2. Fear-Based Compliance

When parents enforce rules through fear, children comply to avoid punishment. However, this compliance does not stem from understanding or agreement. Instead, it fosters a dependency on external validation and approval, which can last a lifetime.

3. Diminished Creativity and Decision-Making

Children raised in a fear-based environment struggle with decision-making because they are accustomed to relying on external approval. This dependence stifles creativity and problem-solving abilities, which are critical skills in adulthood.

Examples of Negative Parenting Impact

Consider a real-life example: A 15-year-old boy wanted to swim in a canal but hesitated because he needed his father’s permission. When asked why he required validation for something he was capable of, he revealed that he feared punishment. This fear was a direct result of his upbringing, where his parents controlled his every action. Such incidents highlight how overbearing parenting affects a child’s confidence and independence.

In another instance, parents punished a child with a leather belt for coming home late from playing. This kind of harsh discipline not only instills fear but also damages the parent-child relationship, sometimes irreparably.

Guiding Children Indirectly: The Art of Influence

The Bhagavad Gita’s verse teaches us that indirect guidance is the key to effective parenting. Instead of issuing commands, parents should focus on creating an environment that naturally encourages children to adopt desired behaviors.

1. Lead by Example

If you want your child to wake up early, don’t tell them to do so. Instead, start waking up early yourself. When they see you consistently following this habit, they will naturally emulate you. Similarly, if you want them to read books, make reading a regular part of your routine.

2. Foster Freedom and Exploration

Allow children the freedom to explore their interests and make their own decisions. This freedom helps them develop critical thinking and independence. For example, instead of forbidding a child from playing outside, encourage balanced playtime that aligns with their interests and energy levels.

3. Create a Supportive Environment

The environment a child grows up in significantly impacts their development. Children who grow up near the ocean often learn to swim naturally. Similarly, a home filled with books, creativity, and positive behaviors will inspire children to adopt these traits effortlessly.

The Importance of Enthusiasm and Patience

Parenting requires enthusiasm, patience, and a willingness to grow alongside your children. Children are like fresh roses, their minds unburdened by societal constraints. On the other hand, adults often carry the “dustbin” of societal expectations and rigid thinking. To guide children effectively, parents must reconnect with their inner child and approach parenting with a sense of joy and openness.

The Consequences of Poor Parenting

When parents fail to guide their children in a balanced and indirect manner, it can lead to long-term consequences such as:

• Emotional Disconnect: Some children grow distant from their parents and avoid sharing their feelings.
• Rebellion: Suppressed children may rebel against authority, leading to strained relationships and risky behavior.

Low Self-Worth: Children who are constantly criticized or controlled may struggle with self-esteem and confidence throughout their lives.

The Bhagavad Gita’s verse, “Yadyad Acharati Shreshthas,” teaches that the best way to guide children is through action, not words. Parents should focus on becoming the best version of themselves, as their behavior sets the standard for their children.

By leading with love, patience, and enthusiasm, parents can raise independent, confident, and creative individuals. Remember, parenting is not about control but about empowering children to discover their potential. When parents embrace this approach, every day becomes an opportunity to inspire, and every moment becomes a lesson in growth.

So, let’s strive to make parenting a journey of mutual learning and celebration—a true reflection of the wisdom in the Gita.

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