Parenting from the Right Lens

It was an event two years in the making. The top minds in Metabolic Health. For a nerd like me, it was a weekend I had been looking forward to for months.

Oh, and for good measure it was on the beach in Florida.

Two days before I was supposed to leave, our 3-year-old came home early from school with a fever. He was miserable, and I was too, as I had spent my morning chaperoning my other son’s field trip, and was looking forward to an afternoon to take care of my wants and wishes. Alas, it was not to be.

And, when he continued to spike a fever up to 104 that night, I realized some other wants and wishes I would not be getting.

Specifically, my nerd trip to Florida.

Oh, I could have gone, but it felt wrong to leave my wife with a sick 3-year-old, a clingy 5 year old, and a 7 month old baby that will only sleep in her arms. I’m gonna be real, I was pissed.

Which seems like a selfish thing to say. Like, my kid is super sick, and I am just thinking about my wants and desires. But as a dad, those emotions are real, and I think we should acknowledge them. It’s ok to want to do things without our kids. It’s ok to be upset when those plans are interrupted. And, my wife is excellent at letting me “tea kettle” in the moment. Maybe it means I go for a walk. Or swear into a pillow. But to leave that frustration bottled up would be to ignore reality.

Plus, once I am able to blow off the steam, accept the new changes in our schedule, I am able to zoom out.

Our kid is acutely ill, but feels ok when he gets some Tylenol and isn’t chronically sick.

We have family and friends who are there to support us.

We have been able to go on many other trips without issue.

Then I zoom out more and realize that I am just taking part in a grand tradition of parenting. It is the hardest thing humans do. You give up a part of yourself for the purpose of raising the next generation. That’s even cooler than a trip to the beach.

That is, unless you are a raging narcissist who isn’t able to move on after some initial disappointment. And, I have seen this from other parents. It’s unfortunate, and I think it misses the point. When you have a kid, it’s no longer about you. Yes, I get pissed when my wife and I can’t get a free night together, or I miss a trip I was looking forward to. But it’s not the kids’ fault.

We made them. It’s on us.

So, for those you are not parents, I still think this advice can be useful: When upset about a situation, zoom out. See the grander picture. Realize that whatever thing you are upset about, in a few days, months, or years, will likely be a lost memory.

And, put your kids first. Because within 2 days, our 5-year-old was sick too. And they both had hand foot AND mouth syndrome. It would have been a mess for my wife. Helping her is better than any time I could have spent alone on the beach…probably,

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