Parenting a Child in Treatment: Readiness Over Timelines

Navigating the journey of parenting a child in residential treatment is certainly challenging, but the rewards come with a thoughtful and strategic approach. As parents, it’s natural to want the best for our children and to be eager for their recovery and return to "normal." However, for those facing serious mental health or substance use issues, the path to healing is complex and nuanced. Understanding how to approach your young adult and create a plan for their recovery journey can make all the difference.

It’s Not Just About Time

Young adults often feel a pressing need to get back to their usual activities after a disruption caused by hospitalization for psychiatric or substance use issues. Both parents and children tend to fixate on the duration of treatment. While there are average lengths of stay for various levels of care — 45 to 90 days for Residential Treatment, 6 to 8 weeks for Partial Hospitalization Programs (PHP), and 4 to 6 weeks for Intensive Outpatient Programs (IOP) — the timeline is far less important than your child's personal readiness to take the next steps. What truly matters is how well they engage in the recovery process, take accountability for their health, and embrace their responsibilities.

Consider the analogy of work versus force: You can push against a brick wall, expending energy without making any progress. Unless the wall moves, you’ve expended energy but done no “work”. The same principle applies to treatment—spending time in a program does not guarantee meaningful change. Real progress comes from active participation and personal investment. You can spend a lot of time and money on treatment with very limited results or sustainable outcomes… little “work” gets done.

Readiness involves various factors, including medication management, nutrition, exercise, executive functioning, maintaining sobriety, and building community connections. Although professionals can recommend the length of treatment and subsequent steps, the ultimate success hinges on the individual's engagement level and their readiness for independence.

Shifting the Focus: When in doubt, ask questions.

As you navigate these conversations, recognize that it’s common for your child to feel uncomfortable with the process. They may express this discomfort in a way that seek to compel you to action or facilitate their exit. However, it’s crucial to avoid “taking the bait.” Counter with questions that encourage self-reflection rather than dependence on you to alleviate their discomfort.

A prime example is when you are in conversations with your young adult it's essential to shift your focus from negotiating specific time frames and returns to past life to discussing their readiness for the appropriate next step. When they ask, "When can I get out of here?" consider reframing the conversation. Instead of responding with consoling words or half answers consider meeting questions with questions, “How much time do you think you need to give yourself the best chance of success back in college?” or “What insights has your recovery plan provided?” or “What does your care team say?”

Much like watching water boil, fixating on discharge dates does not speed up the process. Instead, it distracts from what’s truly important—your child’s engagement in their recovery and readiness to move forward.

Asking strong questions in response to their pleas empowers them to think critically about their care needs and redirects them to taking ownership of their recovery journey.

Stepping Down: The Importance of Transitional Programming

Moving from a structured clinical environment to independent living can be a vulnerable time. In the supportive atmosphere of treatment, a young adult may feel good about their progress, but transitioning back to the real world brings new challenges and responsibilities.

This transition is crucial and must involve the appropriate level of care and therapeutic support, as well as personal investment. You may encounter resistance when discussing the need for transitional care, such as, “Why can’t I just go back to my old life?” or “How long do I have to go?” Continue to meet them with questions, while also empowering them in the decision-making process. When they feel a sense of agency, they are more likely to own their choices and the outcomes that follow.

Conclusion: A Call to Mindfulness

As parents, our role is to support our children in taking charge of their recovery journey rather than simply offering reassurances or enabling unhelpful choices. Fostering a dialogue centered on readiness, accountability, and personal responsibility can help our children navigate the complexities of treatment with greater confidence and resilience.

If you have questions as you navigate this journey, please feel free to reach out. Remember, you’re not alone—there are resources and support available to help you and your child succeed. Together, you can make strides toward a mindful and sustainable recovery.